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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:

purplebunny2012 · 27/10/2020 19:17

YABU, not even sure how you can question it

Nonamesavail · 27/10/2020 19:19

Yabu

Trumanshow · 27/10/2020 19:22

You are so unreasonable I'm surprised you dont know!!! Their toilet..why would they want you to use it? Go upstairs..unless you were staying in a stately home with several staircases between the ground floor and your room and bathroom..your kids and you can easily get there. Your poor friend

DBML · 27/10/2020 19:24

I absolutely hate it when people give children a free pass to do as they please. Posters here saying ‘I wouldn’t mind, they’re children’. But not the adults... etc etc

I have friends who do that. Their kids in their own eyes can do whatever and should be tolerated by everyone. They drive me up the freaking wall.

When visiting once they ran upstairs and the kids began jumping on my (brand new Tempur) mattress as if it were a trampoline. I tell them to get off and begin straightening my bedsheets and the parents response ‘aw, they’re just having a bit of fun’.
They go in my kitchen and help themselves to chocolate from my cupboard - apparently that’s cute.
They decide to colour pictures on my cream carpet as opposed to at the table where I put them and get ink on the carpet...that’s kids for you, we should see their house. These kids are 7 and 10!

Some people believe the world revolves around kids and everyone else should make exceptions. And that’s the reason why our friends don’t get an invite to my house anymore, because in my world your kids don’t matter...at all. But my mattress, chocolate and cream carpet does.

So op, when you friend locks you out of her designated bathroom, she’s not interested in your children, she’s interested in her privacy and that is absolutely fine as she’s paying for it.

Watermelon999 · 27/10/2020 19:27

Perhaps if the stairs were a problem you should have requested the downstairs room?

Or put the kids downstairs?

I wouldn’t want someone using my toilet either, especially at the moment.

YABU

jannier · 27/10/2020 19:28

Survey at that age you dont have to gowith them. Both should know it takes time to reach a bathroom what do they do at school? What would you do if there were only one bathroom in your house wee in a bucket?

BabyItsAWildWorld · 27/10/2020 19:29

Well I know if I were on holiday with my friends we wouldn't mind at all the kids using each others en suite bathrooms, and I wouldn't care if my friend went through my bedroom.
As long as I wasn't in bed!

We are obviously amazingly chilled compared to most of MN.

Lilybet1980 · 27/10/2020 19:30

26 pages for this!

JuliaJohnston · 27/10/2020 19:31

@BabyItsAWildWorld

We are obviously amazingly chilled compared to most of MN.

That wouldn't be my definition of "chilled", but each to their own.

Wearethechampionsmyfriend · 27/10/2020 19:32

Now you know it's an issue I'd make sure you had the downstairs room with ensuite next time so she can use her loo upstairs. I'd probably prefer to use my own ensuite to myself to be honest.

Annie2245 · 27/10/2020 19:33

So you thought that the two upstairs rooms had enquires but her room didn’t and it was communal ? Doesn’t make sense really does it.
If you have to be with DD for night terrors perhaps the girls should have shared with parents and the boys have the other room. I assume they have their own rooms at home.
To be honest it just sounds like you are making excuses for anything anyone proposes that has an alternative viewpoint to yours.
If you just wanted to be right then perhaps should have kept it to yourself ! Hardly anyone else agrees.
Wonder what the purpose of posting on here was ? If people had agreed with you I assume you would b Ed showing your friend. I bet she hasn’t been shown it now so many agree with her !!
Perhaps you should go away on your own next time . Preferably in a bungalow !

DBML · 27/10/2020 19:35

We are obviously amazingly chilled compared to most of MN.

It’s not about being chilled. I’m chilled in different situations, but I don’t like other people’s kids and as chilled as I can be, I’m not when it comes to your kids. It’s about respecting other people’s boundaries and preferences.

Ops friend couldn’t have made it clearer that she saw that bathroom as hers and she didn’t want anyone else using it. That should have been respected as she is I assume, paying her fair share. To walk through her bedroom to get to the locked bathroom is beyond rude and I’m mortified anyone would even consider doing that.

Aridane · 27/10/2020 19:45

NC in case outed? You are SO outed if your friend reads this as there can’t be many people like OP traipsing through a bedroom to access the en suite and with an 8 year old revising to go to toilet solo because of the monster in the toilet. All because of traipsing avoiding

BabyItsAWildWorld · 27/10/2020 19:45

To walk through her bedroom to get to the locked bathroom is beyond rude
My friend walking through my bedroom to get to a bathroom I'm not using would not bother me.

I can see that I'm in the minority with that, and that suprises me.
I guess me and my friends are looser with our boundaries around things like this.

My close friends are mainly a group I have lived communally with at some point when younger so that might explain it.

But all this beyond rude, horror and mortification, genuinely suprises me.

I guess the moral is: know your friends before you holiday with them.

browneyes77 · 27/10/2020 19:47

As soon as you said she’d locked the door I knew it was specifically to stop you from using it because she was annoyed at you using it. Even I took that obvious hint and I wasn’t there

I agree with most that YABU.
It’s her bathroom, not a communal bathroom or a ‘downstairs loo’. Just because there’s an outer door doesn’t mean you have to use it, especially if someone using the room tells you they’re uncomfortable with it.

And it’s rude of you to go walking through her bedroom to access it (especially when she’s clearly locked it to stop you using it).

Not to mention, if your child does a smelly poo, the poor woman also then has to put up with the stench wafting through her bedroom. Not pleasant and not fair to inflict that on her when the property has en suites so you can keep your smells to yourselves.

Usernamerequired · 27/10/2020 19:49

Seriously? Its her loo. The door being locked from the inside was an obvious hint yet you walked through HER room to use it. 🙄 If the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn’t be happy either

lyralalala · 27/10/2020 19:52

@BabyItsAWildWorld

We are obviously amazingly chilled compared to most of MN.

And you'd be chilled about splitting the cost equally with your friend who both dictated the room allocation and decided you were the only one not to have a private en-suite?

DBML · 27/10/2020 19:53

I guess me and my friends are looser with our boundaries around things like this.

And that’s your right. But you surely wouldn’t assume everyone is or should be the same?

Original poster

WheresYourSecretSadness · 27/10/2020 19:54

Blimey I can't say I'm inclined to read through all the replies.

I've already accepted the arse that's been handed to me and have been using the upstairs loos for me and my DC. No accidents or dramas as of yet. I apologised too over a glass of wine last night - my friend says it's fine, she didn't mean to huff but she's extra anxious about the bedroom and toilet situation as she's on her period and has sanpro in the bathroom etc. So a nice drama free happy ending all round

Yes I'm aware I need to get help for the kids' toilet issues, I've already been fobbed off by a GP once for this though and my DD does know the toilet doesn't actually scream or have a man in it, but she's always associated it with fear from the moment dickhead exH wound her up (he thought it was funny apparently, nobhead). She's never really got passed toilet -= scary.

OP posts:

Mumwithapub · 27/10/2020 20:00

Yanbu if she had such a problem why share accomodation? She has kids she knows the score. If she wants to be so precious get separate accomodation! I'm sure it would be a different kettle of fish if she had an upstairs bedroom and you had the downstairs one!

Notenoughchocolateomg · 27/10/2020 20:03

You are definitely being unreasonable. All the excuses of having to go upstairs 🙄 use your own loo. You invaded their personal space. Admit you're wrong and learn from this.

JuliaJohnston · 27/10/2020 20:07

She's never really got passed toilet -= scary.
And yet you have two children with the same issues?

DBML · 27/10/2020 20:11

I'm sure it would be a different kettle of fish if she had an upstairs bedroom and you had the downstairs one!

Oh, you know this do you?

I have vacationed with my sister and her family and not once did I go into any of their rooms or bathrooms. Even though, to get to ours we had to go the other other side of the villa and the upper floor. It just wouldn’t have crossed my mind to use theirs. Similarly when sister bought food and drinks, I wouldn’t touch them. Some people really are just more polite than others I guess.

rozee83 · 27/10/2020 20:36

Oh ffs people. It’s not like the woman has cut through queen of Sheba’s bedroom! It’s not even anyone’s property! I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. If a child needs the loo then let them go to the one nearest! If it was in their own home then fair enough! Why should her friend have the bedroom with the en suite anyway?! But unfair really, therefore should share the bathroom!!!!

lyralalala · 27/10/2020 20:37

@rozee83

Why should her friend have the bedroom with the ensuite? Did you miss the part that ALL of the rooms have an en-suite?

Apart from the one the OP felt should be communal

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