Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
rozee83 · 27/10/2020 20:41

*ensuite downstairs

Maireas · 27/10/2020 20:43

Glad to hear that the children can manage to go upstairs to the toilet. Maybe have a chat with friends if you holiday with others again?

Damsel · 27/10/2020 20:44

Slightly staggered that you have taken time out of your holiday to take to Mumsnet to seek views on this. No words.

lyralalala · 27/10/2020 20:44

@rozee83

*ensuite downstairs
The OP picked the room allocations so that doesn't work either
Annie2245 · 27/10/2020 20:54

Erm because all bedrooms had an en-suite and so should all use their own.
And it was the op and not the friend that dictates who had which room
And her friend locked the door for a reason ? I guess some people are more considerate than others !
Presume you haven’t read comments or the op properly

AhoyMeFarties · 27/10/2020 20:55

@rozee83

Oh ffs people. It’s not like the woman has cut through queen of Sheba’s bedroom! It’s not even anyone’s property! I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. If a child needs the loo then let them go to the one nearest! If it was in their own home then fair enough! Why should her friend have the bedroom with the en suite anyway?! But unfair really, therefore should share the bathroom!!!! Halloween Hmm
Dear God, if you are taking the time to answer please have the courtesy to read the full thread 🙄 🙄 🙄
Inastatus · 27/10/2020 21:04

@rozee83 - RTFT!

Ohtherewearethen · 27/10/2020 21:07

@rozee83 - the friend had no choice but to accept the downstairs room, which OP and her family and some posters here seem to view as communal, because OP believes that only her family's needs matter and that the friend's needs don't matter at all. OP decided that she needed the upstairs room because her daughter sometimes wakes everybody up screaming. Instead of suggesting she shares a room with her toilet-phobic daughter (who won't use a toilet unless her mum goes with her, and who can hold it in all day at school but not long enough to climb s few stairs while on holiday) she decided that the friend's daughter would share with her daughter and therefore they needed the upstairs rooms. Poor friend had to take what was left and has since been treated very disrespectfully by the mannerless OP and her family.
Those going on and on about the extra door to the bathroom are spectacularly missing the point. Just because someone designed it that way it doesn't dictate how people choose to use it. The inability of some people to think is staggering. Sometimes in holiday cottages, sofa beds are available in the living room. Just because the room was designed as a seating area does this mean that no one can sleep there, ever?! One of the kitchen cupboards could have been designed to hold glasses but one family might prefer to put cups in it. The original design does not dictate how different families use the space. How anyone can he so self involved and unaware that they think it's perfectly acceptable to traipse their whole family through the friend's bedroom to go on a family toilet trip and make a mess is beyond comprehension.

Angrywife · 27/10/2020 21:13

Oh how the other half live.
It may be hard to imagine, but there are still families out there that only have one toilet in their entire house!! I know!!
My kids are in therapy getting over the trauma of having to traipse upstairs while desperate for the toilet. They are expected to make a full recovery in time.

starlight13 · 27/10/2020 21:16

@rozee83 the friend isn't the only one with the en-suite, all the bedrooms have them including both of OPs rooms. She just can't be bothered to walk upstairs to use her own. It's beyond rude.

Pancakeorcrepe · 27/10/2020 21:21

Just use your own bathroom, you are beyond rude. And lazy! Making out as if going up some stairs will make your children piss themselves 😹

saraclara · 27/10/2020 21:33

It’s not “the downstairs loo”. It is her en suite bathroom. There’s a difference

That. The fact that her ensuite also has a door into the hall does not make it everyone's extra toilet.

And you never EVER walk through another person's bedroom without asking. Seriously, what were you thinking? That's beyond rude and intrusive.

SapphosRock · 27/10/2020 21:38

Funnily enough I've just come back from a holiday cottage with friends and had a similar situation.

We all had en suites but my friend's room was the only one with a bath.

I have two kids and asked her if it was okay to use 'her' bath to bathe them which was fine. While I was bathing them she needed the loo and used 'my' bathroom.

The boundaries were clear. If you need to use a friend's en suite for any reason then it's polite to ask them.

kursaalflyer · 27/10/2020 21:52

I wonder if the daughter feels embarrassed going to the toilet with her mum in front of her friend? This might be a good week to start training/backing off a little. E.g. don't actually stay in the bathroom, leave the door open etc. Worrying that the 4 year old is copying the behaviour though.

DBML · 27/10/2020 21:58

My kids are in therapy getting over the trauma of having to traipse upstairs while desperate for the toilet. They are expected to make a full recovery in time.

Love it! 😂

grifffendor · 27/10/2020 22:00

Its rented holiday cottage , not your place to dictate where your kids can use the toilet so that you can be lazy .
if you care and respect your friend you should understand her need for private space .
you be the first to complain if the shoe was on the other foot , maybe that it won't bother you , but its bortherd her enough for her to something and lock her door .
good thing really as it seems your self entitlement is not going to listen and you been trying to get in and found it to be locked . At least she done the sensible thing and locked her door .

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 27/10/2020 22:21

@JuliaJohnston

She's never really got passed toilet -= scary. And yet you have two children with the same issues?
 Hmmyes I must be a terrible mother.

Before posters judge me about the toilet issues - and I'm not trying to make excuses - I did try very hard to get DD to go on her own and reinforce positive messages about toilet use. But it usually ended up in screaming, crying and upset. To top it off - and probably why both my kids, including my youngest, have toilet issues - I was very much left to handle it on my own while my emotionally abusive and useless exH would sit downstairs and scream "fucking shut up" every now and again because of the commotion/noise going on. Which I'm certain made things 1000x worse. He would bellow "just go for gods sake stop being scared" at DD SadWhich obviously worked a great(!) - after all, "his own dad used to scream at him to get things done and he did, and he turned out ok" (hahahahahaha). Despite being the one to cause the toilet problem he, like with everything else relating to the kids, was completely unwilling to help solve it.

There are a number of issues we've sadly been saddled with thanks in the most part to his attitude and nastiness. Believe me when I say I am trying my very hardest to undo them.

At least I got out. Thank god. So if some of you could maybe have a think and tone down the judgement that would be nice.

@JuliaJohnston Your username spoke my username Grin

OP posts:
Pinkfluff76 · 27/10/2020 22:22

Oh this is ridiculous. You’re on holiday. She doesn’t own the house. It’s not her bathroom. Of course you can use it. She shouldn’t have locked the door forcing you through her bedroom. I have a 4 and a 7 year old who also tell me last minute. Going up a lot of stairs could literally mean an accident for a 4 year old. I’m only on page 1 of comments and I can’t believe how you’re being flamed OP 😩

Ferrari458 · 27/10/2020 22:38

FFS Pinkfluff76 - RTFT

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/10/2020 22:42

Oh this is ridiculous. You’re on holiday. She doesn’t own the house. It’s not her bathroom.

Don't you believe that renting somewhere/something gives you the right to consider it yours for the period for which you've paid, then? Going on that logic, no tenants ever deserve a right to privacy or to use their own homes as they see fit - the landlord (or maybe even strangers off the street) can just come in and make themselves at home in front of the telly, 'because you don't own it and it's not yours' Hmm

Torvean32 · 27/10/2020 22:47

Use your own toilet. Ppl with only 1 upstairs toilets cope with it.
I think she was right to lock the door and unless it was a dire emergency you shouldn't have gone through her room.

Tessabelle1 · 27/10/2020 22:48

I'd not be happy if you'd gone through my room but I'd have told you from the start we'd be using our own toilets. It's not like your loo is outside, just use your own.

ClaireP20 · 27/10/2020 22:53

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

Yes, you should.
Diverseopinions · 27/10/2020 22:57

I haven't read every comment and I'm sure this has been said, but I think it's the fact that the bathroom gives onto the bedroom, and probably doesn't have a window which can be opened which makes the desire for privacy stronger. I recently stayed in s hotel room with a windowless en suite and I was conscious of the lack of ventilation and sense of unsanitary air which these small rooms create. Fetid corners and warm dingey air. During lockdown we are all more conscious of the healthy or unhealthy aspects. A bedroom made smaller by the ensuite is not enhanced by stale, tepid air escaping from a pokey cloakroom.
Get some air in. Limit use of the little room which no doubt many guests have used during previous months. Next time go for s couple of separate bathrooms with nice big windows to open a jar.

1Morewineplease · 27/10/2020 22:58

You've got more issues around toileting than is usual. How long are you going to carry on with this issues?
Maybe chat with your Health Visitor?
Your children should be able to get upstairs to go to the toilet without accidents .