To uninvite future SIL to wedding?

[Weddingin2021]

After a very long conversation it has transpired that DP thinks his sky has an issue with us. She has some "split loyalty" issues and afaik she doesn't wants to upset his exW for being close to us. Their split happened years ago and she's always been weird but with wedding date upobus I've told told him that she either comes in "good faith" or she's not welcome. I understand the split royalty thing, but it's time to move on as I'm as part of the family as the exW was/is.

@Audreyseyebrows I think because he's never had the chance and b) because his exBIL is his boss.

Because of that I'm only "allowed" to invite my DM. And it's fine I'm not close to my DS but I'd like to have more guests at my own wedding.

Split guests 50/50. He chooses half and so do you. You should really, given his track record, you'll be lucky if your marriage lasts a year. At least get a wedding that you want as well, not just all of them as his guests.

So she is his sister?

What do you mean about you getting “remarried”?

Are you already married?

Oh I see, when you say the baby came before the wedding you mean you fell pregnant before hand? But what do you mean there was no reason for us to stay together?

I’m so confused!

Have you done a reverse and losing track of who you are pretending to be?!

This pandemic provides an ideal way out of all this drama. Don’t have any guests, just two witnesses off the street.

How long ago did they split op?

I think it’s your phrasing that’s confusing everyone.

YABU.

It's his sister. She hasn't been rude or insulted you. I suspect it's more that she is ashamed with her brother's behaviour, which is understandable. What he did was awful and I'm sure he wouldn't be impressed if that happened to his DD.

If he isn't close with his sister, then she's not going to be visiting you much. Visiting is also a 2 way thing...has your DP ever gone to see her?

In relation to you theory...if she feels he didn't make an effort with her new partner...then she won't be motivated to make an effort with you.

You looking to uninvite isn't good...and you shouldn't be questioning her as some have suggested or asking her views on your impending marriage...given what followed his last marriage, I imagine his whole family has reservations.

@Bluntness100 I mean we've always wanted to get married! Not because it was the right thing to do. But like I've said in our particular situation he's had to convert and that takes years, so we just decided to have a baby while we decided if that was the right choice for him or not.

There is not much on this thread that's making any sense whatsoever, particularly in terms of numbers.

Personally in this situation I'd do myself a big favour and elope. That way everyone gets equal treatment, you get a stress-free day, and all this drama is wiped out at one fell stroke.

I dont think you did say he had to convert

Is your name Sharon?

@SandyY2K I fully agree with you. In the end the "fiasco" was on his side which is why I feel my side should have preference if that makes any sense.

Just spilt the guest aloo allocation 50 50. You don’t have to invite all the dn.

"Conversion" is one of the logistical reasons of why marriage would take a while. My name is r Sharon but actually it's quite close!

Where are you that you can have eleven people in total at your wedding?

I’m so intrigued by this whole thread, it makes no sense😂

It's difficult for families when couples split. Those relationships built over years don't just disappear. To your SIL, the ex is still family - aunt to her children, mother to her nieces. Those bonds don't just go.
Maybe SIL will bond with you in time, maybe not. I'd invite her anyway, but if you only have 9 places, I'd probably steer clear of inviting her DH and kids unless it's important to your fiance.

[quote Weddingin2021]@SandyY2K I fully agree with you. In the end the "fiasco" was on his side which is why I feel my side should have preference if that makes any sense.[/quote]
You know that Sandy is disagreeing with your stance, right?

I agree with pp - Divide the number of guests you're allowed. You choose your half and he chooses his half.
Make sure everyone knows that is what is happening. Your side. His side. You are not then making the choice. He is.

What do you mean op So I originally wanted to get remarried first before the baby?

Remarried?

Convert to what?

Where are you that you can only have 9 guests?

4/9 is quite a big percentage of the guest list. If his DM & DB - plus I assume, his kids are coming too - how many family & friends have you been able to invite?

This is hard to follow, so many questions.

If you want to have a "good vibes only "
NOT inviting your future sil is100% going to cause bad vibes all over. Pre wedding. During wedding and after wedding!

Considering she hasn't seen much of you guys in years... there is about a 1% chance of her showing up at your wedding anyway. So just invite her and stop yourself from causing bad blood with your new family
In laws to be.

Tbh this feels more like you are jealous of her chosing his ex wife over you. Plus this is not even your decision to make. It is your partners. Stop causing so much drama. The good vibes have already left the room

We met in October 2017, he had already been on decree NISI stage . (He originally for married June 2016, left my February 2017).

By August 2018 we had realised we wanted to get married BUT he had to convert . So he started the process which takes at least 3 years
By Dec/Jan we realised that we didn't want to wait til 2021 to TTC so just got on with it.

Baby was born in late 2019 and a few months later we decided we wanted to get married In 2021 (the liberal branch decided that it was possible to have more "traditional" ceremonies without conversion) and that brings us to today.