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Original poster

To uninvite future SIL to wedding?

285 replies

Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 19:38

After a very long conversation it has transpired that DP thinks his sky has an issue with us. She has some "split loyalty" issues and afaik she doesn't wants to upset his exW for being close to us. Their split happened years ago and she's always been weird but with wedding date upobus I've told told him that she either comes in "good faith" or she's not welcome. I understand the split royalty thing, but it's time to move on as I'm as part of the family as the exW was/is.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 25/10/2020 20:35

@Weddingin2021

No, he didn't cheat. But he never wanted to marry his exW. He left within 6 months of their wedding. He still regrets it to this day to mislead someone so much (including their DC).
You've bagged a real prize there by the sound of it, Wedding.
flaviaritt · 25/10/2020 20:35

“More meaningful people”? She’s his sister. It’s up to him whether she comes. She hasn’t insulted or hurt you. I don’t think it is reasonable that the fact that she hasn’t warmed to you should mean you ban her from her brother’s wedding, tbh.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2020 20:35

This is really confusing. How many kids does he have with his ex?

TitianaTitsling · 25/10/2020 20:36

They were together ten years, but she got pregnant within the first minth months of going out? But they got married after being together 9.5 years, then had baby no2 just before getting married?

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2020 20:37

Op how long ago did they split? It’s starting to seem either this is a reverse or you were the other woman.

TitianaTitsling · 25/10/2020 20:37

first month not minth month!

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:37

Well it's the present thing, not seeing the baby, her DDs not meeting their cousin... Even my DPs DM has said they should both get a grip.

IMO it's because my DP separated more or less at the same time she did and he's never made an effort to "bond" with her new DP. That's what I think it is, but ultimately I don't know. If she doesn't come at least of be able to invite my closest friends.

OP posts:
CakeRequired · 25/10/2020 20:38

He never wanted to be with his exW, but stayed with her for 10 years and got married to her? Hmm And he's been married before too, assuming again for a short time?

Sorry op but think you're being played by this guy. Expect him to disappear shortly after marriage. His sister is probably distant with you both because of his behaviour and she's fed up with it.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2020 20:39

@TitianaTitsling

They were together ten years, but she got pregnant within the first minth months of going out? But they got married after being together 9.5 years, then had baby no2 just before getting married?
Yes, it’s all over the place, and the people concerned are being referred to incorrectly. “There was no reason for us to stay together and the (our) baby came before the wedding ” .
Unsure33 · 25/10/2020 20:40

No . Because you won’t just be affecting her it will also affect the rest of the family . Ask for an invite reply . If she does not come invite your friends .

Or have a separate celebration later .

TokenGinger · 25/10/2020 20:40

How did your baby come just before the wedding if the wedding hasn't taken place yet?

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:40

My DSD was born 6 years after they got together, but he did take a while to marry his exW (which in his words he never wanted to). His friends have confirmed this and so has his DB.

I know people make mistakes and he's definitely made a few but I can only take a leap of faith.

OP posts:
saraclara · 25/10/2020 20:41

@Bluntness100

I have a very good relationship with his DM and DB

Not for long you won’t have.

Exactly what I was about to post. Your prospective MIL will not forgive you for uninviting her daughter.

Your fiance is right. Family is family (given that she's not done anything actively unpleasant or spiteful). His sister belongs at his wedding. It would be a huge mistake to leave her out.

burnoutbabe · 25/10/2020 20:42

Handing over presents for your baby to his ex wife is downright odd. Pass via their mum (your future mil) seems better compromise.

And she would make 4 of only 9 allowed guests? And may or may not come on the day? Yes that is tricky. Can't she just be invited as one person and less hassle if chooses not to come?

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:43

So I originally wanted to get remarried first before the baby but because of various logistical reasons it wasn't possible. For more or less the same reasons I can't have the wedding of "my dreams" but I e come to terms with it and I'm obviously over the moon about our baby.

OP posts:
TibetanTerrier · 25/10/2020 20:43

@Whitehorsewaves

I'm guessing there's a back story to the split with his ex then.

I'd put money on it. I am in the position of the DP's sister. I was always close to my sister-in-law, and my brother treated her so appallingly after 19 years of marriage that after they split up I wanted as little to do with him and his new wife as possible. The fact he is my brother was far outweighed by how cruel he'd been. As time went on I cut ties with them completely and I haven't now seen or spoken to them at all for almost 30 years. I didn't go to his second wedding and am still very close to my first sister-in-law, who also remarried and has lived happily ever after to a really lovely man.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2020 20:43

@Weddingin2021

My DSD was born 6 years after they got together, but he did take a while to marry his exW (which in his words he never wanted to). His friends have confirmed this and so has his DB.

I know people make mistakes and he's definitely made a few but I can only take a leap of faith.

What? You said she got pregnant within the first month of meeting him. Snd had a baby just before the wedding

Op was it you who had his child just before he got married?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 25/10/2020 20:44

Hi OP

Personally, I would leave it up to your DP. She sounds conflicted and unsure not nasty or hostile. And conflicted and unsure isnt a decent reason to take action that may cause a rift for ever. I think if you express an opinion and the sister ends up uninvited, then your DP might resent it much further down the line. She still gives presents, she still sees you, she still gives hand me downs. Maybe shes like me and takes a few years before she feels comfortable enough to consider someone a friend but once she does, that will never change.

Honestly, to me, if you're that bothered about having more friends at the wedding then postpone it. Otherwise just invite her

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:45

Exactly @burnoutbabe if it was only her it would be fine, but she makes up almost half of our guest "allowance".

Because of that I'm only "allowed" to invite my DM. And it's fine I'm not close to my DS but I'd like to have more guests at my own wedding.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/10/2020 20:47

So whose wedding did you have your baby just before?

Audreyseyebrows · 25/10/2020 20:47

I would be trying to get to know her rather than starting married life with drama.

Your dp never made an effort to bond with sil dp? Why?

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:48

No, no @Bluntness100 their first baby was conceived withi he first month of going out. Their second came 6 years later.

Our baby arrived more than two years after being together. But our baby was planned.

OP posts:
Osirus · 25/10/2020 20:49

You’re not making any sense OP.

Is this your DP’s sister or SIL?

How many children did he and ex have? It sounds like it could be 1 or 2!

How soon did you meet him/get together after they split?

Original poster
Weddingin2021 · 25/10/2020 20:49

I wanted to have our baby after our wedding (that was the intention anyways) but in reality to have everything in line would have taken many, many years and we're not getting any younger.

OP posts:
Hopeisnotastrategy · 25/10/2020 20:50

You sound like incredibly hard work. Step away from the drama and concentrate on forming decent meaningful relationships with those around you.

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