To think that children don’t need their own room?

[BedroomDrama]

If they are the same sex and don’t have a massive age gap?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of trying to buy a house at the moment. He has 2 daughters who are 6 and 11 who he has 50% of the time. They currently share a bedroom when they’re with us, but have their own room at their mum’s house. With most of the main mortgage lenders upping their requirement to a 15% deposit minimum, a 3 bedroom property in one of the areas that we’d like to live in (and is practical for work, their school and not being too far from their mum) just isn’t feasible at the moment. It might be in a couple of years, but not now.

I really don’t think it’s that much of an issue for siblings to share a room though. I get that it’s nicer not to have to share, but I imagine that having your own room used to be the exception rather than the rule? My dad is one of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and they grew up in a 3 bedroom house so had to share until they moved out. My grandma was one of 9 and she certainly never had her own room! I had to share with my younger sister for 2 or 3 years and managed to survive the experience, it just doesn’t seem like that much of an issue.

A couple of people have just assumed that we’ll only be considering 3 bedroom properties though, and have said things like “Ohhh, well, X will need her own bedroom soon” and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that we’re expecting them to share. Even the vendor of one of the properties that we looked at seemed surprised that we were considering it as it only had 2 bedrooms. The girls don’t seem to mind at the moment (younger one loves sharing, the older one would probably ideally like her own room but is happy enough sharing) and I really don’t think any child needs their own room in the circumstances that I’ve described.

I can’t be the only one? Their dad agrees with me (in fact he’s less worried about it than I am) and I’m not sure we’ve really got another option, but it would make me feel better to be told we’re not being unreasonable!

@Kettledodger

It is very much a modern day thing for children to have their own room. in the 70s I shared with my sister 4 years older than me, for a short while I had my own room. Then in the 80s shared with sister 10 years younger than me the in large room me 16 and sisters 6 and 3yo. and brothers 18, 5 and 1yo shared too. Some on this largely middle class site have no fucking idea. I did not and neither did any of my siblings go on to lead a deviant life because (intake of breath) we were made to share rooms.

Nobody has said that sharing rooms leads to a deviant life. What a flipping jump that is.

People have said in various ways why if you can it's better to give kids their own space. Somewhere to study, somewhere to entertain their friends.

I know the about of arguments that sharing a room caused my sister and I. Everything from turns to hoover, each others untidyness, each others friends, different preferences for music to study with. Lights on, lights off.
The list was endless. I love my sister but the room was a constant source of bickering that really wasn't good for family life / harmony.

I shared a room with a sister 2 years younger, a brother 7 years younger and another sister 9 years younger, including until I was 18. I do not think we were poor or deprived. We have grown up ok.

I think it’s very likely as they get older that they will not be spending 50% of their time with their father and they will prefer to meet for lunch and shopping trips and will say for weekends. If it’s a case of getting on the property ladder then buy what you can afford and see it as a short term move until you can upgrade to 3 beds.

Oh my god there are actually kids that can’t have a square meal this week are you seriously saying that an 11 year old can’t share with a 6 year old! . we would all like to live in a mansion but back in the real world it won’t kill them to share . 3 bedroom house here four kids never was a problem . Did they always get on no? but they got over it and we’re better people because of it .🙈

My 5 yo boy and 9 yo girl choose to share. We have enough bedrooms for them to have their own but they chose to share and have a playroom instead for now.

We still have DS12 and DD8 still sharing a room with a curtain splitting the room because we can’t afford bigger. You can actually buy proper room dividers from b and q and places like that so I think a 2 bedroom place as long as the bedroom is a decent size so you can split it for them to have their own areas it’s not a problem. It’s not ideal but if you can’t afford 3 beds then you can’t afford 3 beds.

Don't worry. It's not forever and they said they don't mind.

I think it's fine for them to share especially if they're only with you half the time and have their own bedrooms at their mums. If you're considering having a baby together though you'll need a 3rd bedroom.

Are you going to expect the girls to permanently commute between two homes in this way?

You’re right. They don’t need their own room but the downside is they are used to not sharing but I’m sure it’ll be fine! II never had to share a room so I couldn’t say what it’s like myself. I did grow up with 3 siblings in a 3 bed house but as I was a lot older than my younger siblings I had my own room up until being a teen, my younger siblings were in parents or sharing them I moved out at 19. But it’s lovely they even have a room to share. I have a son with my ex. My ex is in a 2 bed with his partner and their 2 children. My son doesn’t even have a space there. He has to sleep on sofa. He’s not comfortable or used to the sofa so he’s not sleeping there currently.

It's only for half the time so they'll get their own space at their mum's house. I think that's ok and should avoid any tension.

I shared a room with my brother until I was about 10 and he was 12 and it's a very happy memory. But that was back in the 80s when we had much lower expectations!

I guess if they are only with you 50/50 there is an added element that they might feel unsettled. So is there a way you could look at properties where the main /biggest bedroom is divideable? Our last house was a traditional two up two down and the main bedroom had 2 front facing windows so this would have been easily done. The second bedroom was a smaller double so adequate enough for a couple.

But your original question, no I don't think it's unreasonable for them to share, especially if they get on OK. X

My 2 boys are 9 & 17 they have to share a bedroom as a I have 14 yr old daughter, can’t afford to move or to extend so it’s tough really! I think it’s fair that they share as they get older they may not want to visit as much or might want to visit separately.

It won't kill them. They have their own bedrooms at their Mums that is half the time. I would go for a two bedroom house and make them share. As they get older they may want to come on opposite days do.only 1 child at a time anyway

It's probably not fair to expect a secondary school aged child to share with one in KS1. Look at houses which have an unusual layout. My house has the third bedroom off the second one so wasn't much more than a two bed. Consider a downstairs bathroom. It might stretch the budget to three rooms. You might decide to have (or have no say!) a small person of your own. A third bedroom could go to the then teen and the other bedroom shared...

It always puzzled me that parents take the largest bedroom. They don't (usually) play with their toys all over the floor, so why do they need anything more than enough room for a bed? It might be possible to partition as long as you can find a place where the biggest room is big.

Although even then, as you say, a girl who wants a sleepover would still need to send you and dad down to the sofa, and take over your room!

2020 every child needs own room! I grew up in three bed house three brothers one sister, neighbour had ten kids in 4bed house. If you cant afford don't get. It's nice to have own room but not essential. Love, good food and laughing more important. Dont over stretch.

If the second room is a decent size I see no issue.

@contrmary

It's an awful idea. Shared bedrooms generally are a recipe for abuse, especially given the age gap. People forget that girls can abuse their younger siblings just as much as boys will.

DP lost count of the number of people calling up and demanding a 3/4 bedroom house because their son was obviously going to be such a risk to their daughter, they had to be rehoused immediately, when he worked for the housing department.

Makes you wonder exactly what they thought of their sons, really. And if that was a genuine risk, they should have been putting their clearly dangerous and predatory offspring into local authority care to protect the others, not using it as a bargaining tool for a house.

I shared with my brother until he was 23 and I was 13, my other brothers until later. No abuse occurred. Just as DP didn't ever consider abusing his 2 years younger sister when they were kids.

They'll be fine.

I'd try to buy a 3 bedroom because buying a stop gap house is not a very good idea in my opnion. There are big costs and stress associated with buying and moving. You don't know what will happen to the house market in these uncertain times. If they drop in price you might end up stuck in a too small house.
Other than that I don't think is an issue for them to share for now. In two years time it might be a different story with a teenager

You need to buy what you can afford. If you see this as a stepping stone to someplace bigger than do that. They are there 50% of the time. It won't hurt them.

I know sisters that still share a room and are 23 and 30

Gosh, these are first world problems, and I don't mean that disparagingly because I know a lot of people will say kids "need" their own room.

But all across the world children share rooms. People live in one room homes. Etc. They are fine.

If it is a double sized room, you can just put one of the big Ikea Kalkax units in the middle (the boxes will give more storage as well as probably) and a single bed each. It won’t harm them

At 6 and 11 maybe not, but at 11 and 16 I'd say they do need their own rooms yep.

Have 2 dc myself, same sex, 6 year age gap. We moved when Eldest was 12 purely so they could each have their own space (they'd shared until then). Had been wanting to for a while before that but circumstances didn't permit.