To think that children don’t need their own room?

[BedroomDrama]

If they are the same sex and don’t have a massive age gap?

My boyfriend and I are in the process of trying to buy a house at the moment. He has 2 daughters who are 6 and 11 who he has 50% of the time. They currently share a bedroom when they’re with us, but have their own room at their mum’s house. With most of the main mortgage lenders upping their requirement to a 15% deposit minimum, a 3 bedroom property in one of the areas that we’d like to live in (and is practical for work, their school and not being too far from their mum) just isn’t feasible at the moment. It might be in a couple of years, but not now.

I really don’t think it’s that much of an issue for siblings to share a room though. I get that it’s nicer not to have to share, but I imagine that having your own room used to be the exception rather than the rule? My dad is one of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and they grew up in a 3 bedroom house so had to share until they moved out. My grandma was one of 9 and she certainly never had her own room! I had to share with my younger sister for 2 or 3 years and managed to survive the experience, it just doesn’t seem like that much of an issue.

A couple of people have just assumed that we’ll only be considering 3 bedroom properties though, and have said things like “Ohhh, well, X will need her own bedroom soon” and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that we’re expecting them to share. Even the vendor of one of the properties that we looked at seemed surprised that we were considering it as it only had 2 bedrooms. The girls don’t seem to mind at the moment (younger one loves sharing, the older one would probably ideally like her own room but is happy enough sharing) and I really don’t think any child needs their own room in the circumstances that I’ve described.

I can’t be the only one? Their dad agrees with me (in fact he’s less worried about it than I am) and I’m not sure we’ve really got another option, but it would make me feel better to be told we’re not being unreasonable!

I agree with the poster who said that our expectation that kids should have their own room is pretty unusual throughout history and the rest of the world.

I shared with my sister, there is a seven year age gap between us and I was devastated when she was 18 and moved out.

When I was even younger I had my own room and everyone else shared a big room. I was so jealous and I would frequently sneak in to the big room.

There is also this thing on here that gives me the impression that everyone is in their bedrooms all the time.

My boy and girl are sharing (nearly 3 and just five) and will do so until DD is about 9. Then we will bend over backwards to separate the boys from her as I do believe mixed sexes need privacy if possible.

I really don't think it's the biggest deal.

We have 6 bedrooms. Dc share one of them. They are 10 and 13. It’s also the smallest bedroom.

They say it’s cosier that way.

@flaviaritt

If it can’t be done, it can’t be done. It’s a preference, not a need.

Agree.

5 years is a big gap when one will soon be a teenager. I shared with my dsis, who is 7 years older, for a few months when we were kids. We had a laugh and it was fine - for a short period. If you can't afford a 3 bedroom then maybe look for somewhere that has 2 large bedrooms and split one in half - even if it's with a curtain or something. It will show the older one that you're thinking of her needs. If they don't care about sharing a room then they can have the curtain open but it'll be their choice at least.

If you can't afford bigger, that's it.
Food, warm clothes and safe space are considerably more important that 3 bed. We shared until I left home at 19 and we were a brother and sister. Just maybe give them bigger one and put a divider. If you raise their beds a bit, you can fit plentiful of storage under! We had it like that.

“If you can’t afford a 3 bed house you can’t afford to have a baby”. Says who?!?! I’m sure I don’t need to point out that there are plenty of babies born whose parents do not own a 3 bedroom house. When DS was born we lived in a one bedroom flat. He slept in our room and all his toys was in the living room. He only got his own room at 5 once we could afford a loft extension. Plenty of my ds’s friends live in small flats and share rooms with their siblings. Some posts on here are utterly obscene. To tell a stranger on the internet that they can’t afford to have a baby is beyond rude.

@OliviaBenson

If you can't afford a 3 bed house, then you can't afford a baby.

Wow. That's quite the take, especially since the OP has repeatedly pointed out that they are years away from thinking about a baby, and plan to upgrade to a larger house in the future.

I am disappointed in Olivia imposter. Captain Benson has more brain than this.

You can only afford what you can afford 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hopefully you can find a property with a big enough double that you can split into 2 small singles.

I think that one of the issues is that you and your boyfriend are considering a baby. Can I ask how old you both are, roughly and also if you are currently living together?

The issue I think would be a problem is that buying a house together now when you can only afford a two bed, and thinking you will be able to afford a bigger house later down the line doesn't seem very sensible. Unless you are expecting to inherit some money or come into some money in the next couple of years.

Also, if you buy a three bed and the girls have their own room, then have a baby you may feel you have to move again, maybe when you can least afford it.

Anyway, I think the person who suggested an older house and making use of changing a room from a dining room into a bedroom was very sensible.

OK so it was 9 years ago, but I made a post similar to this. I basically asked what it was like to have children who shared a room. At the time we lived in a 4 bed council house, but the area was really rough and we were hoping to move elsewhere, but the only way this would be possible would be to reduce the number of bedrooms.

The overwhelming response then was that sharing was fine and most responses were from posters who shared themselves as children or had their children sharing. I'm surprised how different the responses from this thread are, but then again as I said this was 9 years ago (and possibly worded different or something)

My DDs share. Yes the 13YO would like it if she could get away from the 9YO and vice versa, but this is the way it is. There is not much choice really TBH.

A loving, warm home is much more important than the number of bedrooms it has.

I think this pressure for separate bedrooms is putting lots of families under unnecessary financial pressure.

Of course they don’t need their own rooms.
I shared with my older sister from me being 4 and her 9 until she was 20 and I was 15 ... no issues at all

It wasn't many generations ago that the idea of having your own bedroom would've been a fantasy for most families. I'd venture to say that in general, those siblings probably had a closer bond because they spent so much time together.

To suggest that it's wrong to have more children if they won't all have their own bedroom is beyond ridiculous. If my parents had listened to such stupid advice, my youngest sister wouldn't be here, just so that my other sister and I needn't have shared rooms!

I'm sure there were times that she annoyed me when we shared a room, but in my early 40s, I don't remember many of those times in any detail. What I do remember is playing pretend games and LEGOs with her (well past the age that I would otherwise have kept those toys), watching her favorite movie on repeat, singing the songs together, brushing her hair, and reading bedtime stories to her.

If I'd had my own room, I would've had more privacy, but my daily life would've been so much emptier.

Not all siblings will get along as well as we usually did, but they can certainly find a way to make it work.

Yes the older dc ideally needs her own room. More studying and homework in secondary school meaning it won’t always be appropriate for younger one to hang out in the room when older dc is trying to study. Also personal issues such as starting her periods means she will need a bit more privacy. But as other posters have said, if you cant afford, you can’t afford, so not a lot you can do.

Hated it as a child so wouldn’t do it to my own.

No privacy, no own space, no peace for homework etc. It sicked and yet the family was still added too as obviously adult wants were put first.

Two of my children share and I think it is absolutely fine, and quite a strange idea that every child is entitled to their own bedroom. However, there will be a contrast with their other home, and it may be a stick to beat you and their dad with!

Would you consider a flat as long as it had a garden OP? As flats that have been converted from a house often have their own (non communal) garden where I live and you might be able to get three bedrooms for your budget , you can often get a bit more for your money with flats IME. And definitely look for a 2 bed with potential to extend if you are thinking of your own baby, as moving again within a couple of years could be really expensive and a lot of hassle.

I think that is quite a significant age gap when it comes to sharing a room, if I'm honest. If there's any way they could have their own rooms, that would be preferable.

But having said that, they both have their own space at their mum's house, and if the room is a reasonable size one that they could have their own 'areas' of then it wouldn't be the end of the world. Many people literally have no choice, and have to share. If that's the case, that's the case.

@CatherinedeBourgh

We have 6 bedrooms. Dc share one of them. They are 10 and 13. It’s also the smallest bedroom.

They say it’s cosier that way.

That’s a false comparison as clearly there is plenty of room in your home for your dcs to have quiet time or study time should they choose. Far cry from a 2 up 2 down.

I would say get a 3 bed in need of tlc if there is one or a house with so s somewhere for an additional bedroom - garage conversion even if you find a 2 bed with garage.

My dd is in secondary and is expected to do an hour of homework a day. Children change massively in the first year of secondary and it has been pointed out to you that your eldest step dd May simply decide to stop coming and visiting.

I shared with my brother (7 years younger) till I was 18 and moved out. I only got my own room at my parents (for visits) about 5 years ago. We simply didn’t have the money. I survived. So did my brother.

He’s staying over at mine this weekend from uni (I’m a single person household) as I was a bit down since I was supposed to be in Greece right now but my holiday got cancelled last minute (friend I was seeing there tested positive for c19) and we’re having a whale of a time.

I shared with my sister from when she was born, she’s 6 years younger than me! It wasn’t an issue, like many have said not ideal but it was all we knew, we shared until I went to uni at 18. And they will have their own bedrooms 50% of the time at their mums!

What’s the point in buying if you want to move in a couple of years? You will spend thousands moving that you will lose. Then you might make a loss or be in a position where you cannot sell when you come to needing a 3 bedroom. You will lose your position as desirable buyers (first time, not in a chain). You have no idea what kind of a market crash brexit will cause. I would really really re-think moving at all and save for the 3 bedroom

I shared with my sister who was 8 years older than I was. I loved it. We are very close now because of it.

yes of course they can share problem is next year the stamp duty wll return and it might be impossible for yu to move again if yu have another child