AIBU to expect my parents to let my daughter socialise with other toddlers

[Ellie1995]

I have an 18 month old daughter and work 2 days per week. She doesn’t go to nursery, family provide childcare for us.

I’m extremely concerned about the effects of COVID on her social development, in particular building social skills with other children.

I spoke to my HV and she suggested letting her play outside with other children, so she’s starting to build her social skills in as low risk way as possible.

However my parents aren’t happy with us doing this while they are providing childcare. They aren’t high risk for the virus but think we should be following the guidelines completely.

AIBU to be upset that they are stopping my daughter from having any social interaction with children her own age? I do respect their opinion but I’m worried about the effect it will have on my daughter.

The socialisation thing is a non issue, 18 month olds don’t need it.
But I would seriously lose my mind if I had to look after a toddler 5 days a week and couldn’t do ANYTHING that involves her being near other children such as park, groups, swimming, play dates etc which are all within the rules for tier 1. What the hell are you meant to do with her all week? What is there left to do if you can’t even go to the park, which realistically you can’t if they’re saying you’d have to enforce social distancing which is impossible with a toddler and stressful too. So what could you do with her every day?

Pay for nursery, still see GPs but at a distance outside.

They're putting their needs before your dd's which is their right, but whose needs will you put first?

@GetOffYourHighHorse

Surely a relationship with her grandparents is far more important?

It's nearly November I doubt you'll be playing in the park much longer anyway. Toddlers need love and attention. So many peoole flapping about their 'socialisation'.

Rubbish.

There’s no reason not to go to the park in the winter.

And a grandparent relationship isn’t so important they get to dictate their grandchild and child’s whole life.

I would respect the grandparents' position and put my daughter in nursery if I was in this position.

It's not just a case of the social interaction being missed out on (which is incidentally very important at this age) "Right now, your child is little too young for deep friendships and is still trying to figure out the big world we live in. Parallel play is a great start! Although they aren’t directly interacting, children are still learning social and observational skills. They are taking mental notes of what their friends are doing and eventually can mimic their behavior. Consider this a moment of positive peer pressure! Additionally, children can learn social niceties like taking turns and sharing. This stage is like a bridge that helps them grow their awareness which will lead to more complex activities and social maturity." tinybeans.com/articles/the-importance-of-parallel-play/

It is also the fact that your whole week would be dictated by them and you would be expected to keep yourselves isolated.

It's reasonable for them to be concerned and want to self isolate but it's completely unreasonable for them to expect you to do so too.

As a side note, I'm completely astonished by the lack of comprehension skills on this thread.

I have read through the thread but can't see it - how old are your parents? My and DH's DP are all over 70 and we won't be seeing them till spring at the earliest, or whenever case numbers are right down. With DC on school or nursery (or interacting with other children in any other way) it is obvious that we would put them at high risk of catching Covid by seeing them. GPs haven't even asked to see kids.

Pay for childcare and live your life. You will go insane following these kinds of restrictions and end up resenting them anyway. A 2 year old will be bouncing off the walls with no outlet. Mine most certainly had friends at that age and were very social so I’m not sure about this loving grandparents being the be all and end all.

Your own mental health is important too. You are not responsible for your parents choices. Half the time the people who set these kinds of restrictions on others are the ones breaking the rules on the sly.

I dont think it's fair of them to effectively dictate what you are doing with your DD on the time they don't have her.

Keeping her away from other children will be very limiting in winter months, you won't be able to do anything indoors other than in your own home.

I'd use a nursery in your circumstances.

Outside is meant to be low risk thats why the playgrounds are open. Personally I don’t see what wrong with taking her to to park or playground for an hour and letting her run around. However, it’s your parents so you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to. Therefore, I would look for a nursery or childminder for the two day that you work

Hmmm I see both sides but the bottom line is this isn’t really about the grandparents as such it’s about your choice.

You have 2 options

1. You use them for childcare but restrict social contact.

1. Pay for childcare that will

Also allow more social interaction.

I don't know any reopened toddler groups only structured classes. A class would mean at least she sees other children, but she maybe a bit young for turns and sharing. You can teach her that at home with simple card games or things like pop up pirate

Personally I wouldn't tell them. Just crack on at the park. If your parents have her thurs/ fri then take her to a class on Monday, so it's not so fresh in her mind and don't mention it. If she is chatty, say oh yes we've been watching CBeebies band jam or something like that ( find something you can watch so you're not caught out)

I think it's quite cold for a play date outside and it's quite easy to then go inside. I'm not worried about this personally but is increasing risk and have had a few people over separately. I have some friends are totally against going to each other's houses. And I've pretended to be to avoid one person

You gave 5 other days in the week. Plenty of time. You won't only socialise with todflers their carers too increases risk to them.

So long as she is getting lots of Love and stimulation she will be fine. My son was with grandparents who lived in the middle of no where and didn’t attend play groups etc. When we went to the park he might interact with other kids but at 18 months was not that bothered. He is now just turned 3 and started nursery he has made friends and settled really well - infact better than some of the kids who did loads of socialising. I know it’s tough at the moment - there is a difference between children seeing each other in the park and spontaneously playing together and arranging to meet up with other kids to play. If it’s the first scenario I can’t see how your parents could complain or even have to be told about it. Good luck

You gave 5 other days in the week

To do WHAT? They don't want her to do anything which involves socialising during those 5 days.

@clarehhh She has five other days to do what? Her parents don't want her / her DD to mix with others at all.

Cross post @StatisticallyChallenged!

If your parents are providing free childcare, then you do as they ask. If you're that worried, pay a nursery or childminder on those 2 days instead.

Unless you are expecting such pandemic will last for a very very long time. Otherwise, you have to think about taking a risk or having so-called socialising.

Pay for childcare! One thing that I learnt over the years is that sometimes, the cheapest way to pay for things is with money.

2 year olds don’t socialise! They are too young to play collaboratively with peers. Your DD is fine.

What are the GPs doing on their 5 days of no Granddaughter ? They could go shopping or socialising. They could get Covid and pass it on to you and your dd just as easily. All these Covid rules are just reducing the risk, not eliminating it.
I am in a shielding household. I saw my granddaughter during the summer while the risk was low. It is unlikely that I shall see her for sometime but I could still use Zoom or Facebook Messenger etc. to keep in touch.

Christ, people, RTFT

YABVU.
I appreciate you want your daughter to socialise but in reality she is 18 months old and has little perception of the world or what you think she may be missing out on.

However, your parents are good enough to provide childcare for your daughter twice a week and as a thank you, you’re fully prepared to put them at risk (they may not be high risk but they will be higher risk than you or your daughter) because your want your baby daughter to have a social life! You’re being selfish.

Id let her have this time with yr parents tbh. kids at that age dont really socialise. She will have a far better bond with her grandparents than she will with kids her age. Even at 3 years old when most go to nursery they play alongside each other and it will mean anything to her.
I know its easy to say pay for nursery or Dont socialise her bt Think anout this instead ....

At 18. month I wouldn’t worry too much about her socialising. Have you spoken to HV about your dilemma. Maybe she can reassure you. How happy are you to put your parents at risk. Arm yourself with information to make an informed decision