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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my parents to let my daughter socialise with other toddlers

257 replies

Ellie1995 · 23/10/2020 12:12

I have an 18 month old daughter and work 2 days per week. She doesn’t go to nursery, family provide childcare for us.

I’m extremely concerned about the effects of COVID on her social development, in particular building social skills with other children.

I spoke to my HV and she suggested letting her play outside with other children, so she’s starting to build her social skills in as low risk way as possible.

However my parents aren’t happy with us doing this while they are providing childcare. They aren’t high risk for the virus but think we should be following the guidelines completely.

AIBU to be upset that they are stopping my daughter from having any social interaction with children her own age? I do respect their opinion but I’m worried about the effect it will have on my daughter.

OP posts:
Laughingcrow · 23/10/2020 12:14

Where is she the other days if the week OP? Does she have the opportunity to mix with children then?

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 23/10/2020 12:16

Mix on the days she’s with you or pay for nursery? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Ellie1995 · 23/10/2020 12:16

She’s with me the other 5 days, it’s the days she is with me that I would like her to be able to socialise with other toddlers outside (eg at the park), but my parents are unhappy with this in case she picks up Covid and passes it to them before displaying symptoms

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 23/10/2020 12:17

Then you need to pay for childcare

Original poster
Ellie1995 · 23/10/2020 12:18

Sorry I should have been clearer, it’s the days she is with me that I would like her to be able to socialise with other toddlers but they are unhappy with this due to the virus risk.
They would be even unhappier with the idea of her going to nursery as she would be mixing with more people

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 23/10/2020 12:19

They need to step back from providing childcare if they're not comfortable with your daughter having contact with other children when she's not with them. Can you afford for her to go to nursery for those two days? I didn't think children were all that sociable at that age anyway. They play alongside each other rather than with eachother?

Florencex · 23/10/2020 12:19

Then you need to pay for childcare.

Spied · 23/10/2020 12:20

While you are relying on them they have a say and you need to respect their wishes.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/10/2020 12:20

I was picturing your 18 month old going out to play.
It is a worrying time for your parents, you need alternative childcare.
Would a creche help her socially?

SarahAndQuack · 23/10/2020 12:20

It's their decision, I think, since they're providing free childcare.

It is really tough at the moment. Sad

viques · 23/10/2020 12:21

Do you live with your parents? If so then you need to respect their wishes.

If not pay for childcare for two days and do what you want on the other days. Your parents can then decide if they want to maintain contact with their grandchild and you.

MargotLovedTom1 · 23/10/2020 12:21

You have to respect their wishes really OP, but at the same time they can't dictate what you do with your own child! Therefore send your dd to nursery and they have to avoid her if they're that worried.

MootingMirror · 23/10/2020 12:21

You need to pay for childcare. It's not acceptable to put your parents at higher risk because you don't want to pay for childcare and won't respect their wishes to be safe.

esmethurst · 23/10/2020 12:22

I totally understand your view and think it's essential for children to socialise but if your parents are providing free childcare then they are also within their rights to say they don't want her mixing with others as it increases the risk to them.

Either don't let her socialise or pay for childcare

PatchworkElmer · 23/10/2020 12:22

Pay for childcare then, and tell them not to worry any more.

MaggieFS · 23/10/2020 12:23

I do understand their concerns and I think unfortunately you're going to have to make a choice between continuing to use them for childcare or doing the outdoor socialising. YABU to be upset at them.

Redolent · 23/10/2020 12:23

I’m extremely concerned about the effects of COVID on her social development, in particular building social skills with other children.

Can you give example of the things you think she should be doing at this age (but isn’t?) It could be that your expectations of how 18 month -2 year olds should socialise are quite high.

Laughingcrow · 23/10/2020 12:23

Ooooh I see. Then I think you will need to pay for childcare. If they aren't comfortable then they aren't comfortable. CN you look into a childminder

GeorginaTheGiant · 23/10/2020 12:23

They have the right to feel this way and so ultimately if you want her to have interaction with other children you need to pay for nursery care on those two days. That kills two birds with one stone as nursery will be brilliant for her and you can top it up with doing what you choose on the other five days. Free grandparent help is all very well but I agree that the effects of social isolation on developing toddlers could be awful. I would prioritise her developmental needs and get her in nursery and end the restrictive agreement with grandparents that isn’t in her best interests anymore. I really don’t think people are taking the impacts of this situation on small children nearly seriously enough-three days a week at nursery for my children has saved things for us this year. Without it I would be worried sick about them, and I would be very concerned about an only child who only has interaction with close family adults. If you can do anything about that, I absolutely would.

preggersteach · 23/10/2020 12:24

I agree with other posters that if they are going to be providing free childcare then you need to respect their requests, if you aren't happy with this you need to pay for childcare elsewhere for those days

MargotLovedTom1 · 23/10/2020 12:24

Where did the OP say she doesn't want to pay for childcare?

Original poster
Ellie1995 · 23/10/2020 12:26

Thank you everyone for your input.
I’d be happy to pay for nursery but I know this would be heartbreaking for them and my daughter too if they weren’t able to see each other.
It really feels an impossible situation!

OP posts:
AmyandPhilipfan · 23/10/2020 12:26

Even if you take her to a play park full of other children she’s unlikely to play with them at her age. My 3 year old has ‘socialised’ with other children from birth and it’s only the last month or so she’s started interacting with random children she comes across.

If you want to take her to parks just to be around children you could just do it without telling your parents. But you’d have to live with the guilt if your parents do go down with Covid due to her passing it on. Though it would be unlikely she’d catch anything outside.

esmethurst · 23/10/2020 12:26

Just sit down and have proper chat with them

Explaining your concerns and just say "either you allow her to socialise or I send her to nursery"

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2020 12:27

You do what you think is right for your daughter re socialisation.

They then choose to see her / do childcare or not.

That's your rights and her their rights.