To be upset about my husband using my car?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

In August 2019 I very sadly lost my driving licence for medical reasons.

I had about 4 months left on my MOT whereas my husbands MOT was just about to expire so I told him he may as well use mine for the 4 months and then we would SORN it.

However, a year and 2 months later he is still using my car and I don’t like it.

His car has just sat on our drive that whole time, it obviously doesn’t start and will need work doing on it to pass the MOT - including new window screen and about two of his tyres are flat. There will be more work needed to.

I didn’t really use my car a lot, only to and fro work two days a week and the occasional short journey here and there but now it’s being used so much more because he uses it to go back and forth to work 5 days a week, he goes to sporting fixtures in it, goes to airports etc and he’s racking my mileage up so much - never mind the wear and tear on it.

He’s not exactly a gentle driver and I have had to have repairs to the suspension and brake pads since he’s had it.

He has never looked after the interior of his own car and now he’s doing exactly the same to mine. Food has been sat into the seats, sweets trod into the flooring, rubbish everywhere, empty cans and bottles under the seats, half empty crisp packets etc - it’s disgusting. I went in the car the other day and I nearly cried.

I have spoken to him many times about it and he says we are a one car family now and there’s no point in paying to sort his own out when he can just use mine.

My MOT is due to expire at the end of November so I have been telling him he needs to sort his car out as I’m going to SORN mine and store it in my mom’s garage.

He nods along and makes the appropriate noise but have heard that he’s told his friend that it will depend on how much it will cost to fix his own car as to whether he stops using mine or not.

He’s always making derogatory comments about my car.....it’s not big enough.....it’s not powerful enough etc and it just upsets me. If it’s such a shit car then why won’t he just drive his own!!!

I miss my car so much. It took me 9 years to get my driving licence because of my health and this car was my first nice car (previous ones have been pretty cheap second hands ones) and I just feel sad about it all.

I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable about this?

Am I letting my emotions cloud the logic to what he is saying?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I’m say here on the bus now and finding it very hard to imagine a time where I can drive again.

I’m going to sell it - it’s the best option for all of us. I will tell him when he comes home and tell him that I have made my decision.

[amicissimma]

I think you are both being unreasonable to have a non roadworthy car sitting about. To me it makes most sense to sell your DH's. But if he won't do that, why not make an appointment with a dealer or a car auction site to sell yours and get your DM or a friend to drive it there (via a valet service perhaps). It will deteriorate sitting in your DM's garage.

Then, without the easy option of using yours, your DH can chose whether to sell his and get a family car or fix his up and use it.

If you get your licence back you can treat yourself to a new car if appropriate with the proceeds of the sale of your old one.

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

@QueenofmyPrinces

I’m say here on the bus now and finding it very hard to imagine a time where I can drive again.

I’m going to sell it - it’s the best option for all of us. I will tell him when he comes home and tell him that I have made my decision.

You would rather sell your car than let Your Husband use it?

This really is one of the most bizarre thing Ive read.

[timeisnotaline]

I’d sell your car, the way he treats it. As I’ve told my husband, being married doesn’t mean I don’t get to have nice things. You can’t have a nice car anymore as if you keep it he will not only drive it but treat it like shit and also tell you it’s shit. He can fix his so you don’t have to put up with this anymore. (& you can tell him the way he talks about your car he will be happier this way too)

[QueenofmyPrinces]

You would rather sell your car than let Your Husband use it? This really is one of the most bizarre thing Ive read.

No I want to sell it because I cant drive it and because the money will come in really useful.

As I have said numerous times in the thread.

[beachysandy81]

Just noticed you said you don't go anywhere or walk!!!! If you don't see yourself getting a car again he needs to help you have a bit of a life as he is using your car (or even if he isn't using your car). Sounds really sad, I wouldn't care about him using the car as long as I got lifts occasionally when I needed them, but sounds like this isn't happening. This is more important than the state of the car. You are a partnership and you should be helping each other.

[D00MGL00M]

I’m say here on the bus now and finding it very hard to imagine a time where I can drive again.

I’m going to sell it - it’s the best option for all of us. I will tell him when he comes home and tell him that I have made my decision.

I too have shit health. I'd love to learn to drive and if I ever am able to do so, my car will mean a lot to me, a sense of achievement. I think even if he treat it right it would still be upsetting to see it every day as it's a reminder of your health.

I feel very low and useless some days and would feel it's a reminder of things I can't do. It doesn't matter if other couples jointly purchase and share their cars. That's what they do and that's fine. That's not what all couples do and you used your share of disposable money to buy yours, selling them both and choosing an actual jointly purchased car together is a good idea but make sure he does his share of cleaning it. If you go the route of only selling yours, make sure you treat yourself to something nice with the money as it sounds like you need a morale boost.

I think it's difficult for others to understand the impact that being chronically unwell can have on your mental health and I can be my own worst enemy because I try to hide just how low I feel some days as I don't want to drag my child or DH down with me. So to everyone else? Including some on here, it's just a car, when it symbolises so much more.

[unmarkedbythat]

I find split finances such a strange way to run a marriage, but clearly it's what works for you and some other people, so who I am to judge? I hope selling the car brings you some satisfaction and ends this area of disagreement between you and your husband.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

There’s nowhere I need to go though.

He’s at work all day (so can’t take me anywhere) and my friends work all day so it’s not like I see them anymore.

I used to drive over to see one of my best friends once a week for a take-out and a catch up but I can’t do that anymore as I can’t get there as my husband can’t drive me because of our own children. And even if he could, I couldn’t get back either.

I used to look forward to that so much and now it’s gone. It’s a good 40 minutes there in the car so not local.

I used to go out in the day with my children, trips to farms, parks, play centres, garden centres etc and that has all gone too.

I don’t do anything anymore.

The only time my husband could take me anywhere is at the weekend, but at the weekend we like to spend our time together as a family.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I find split finances such a strange way to run a marriage, but clearly it's what works for you and some other people, so who I am to judge? I hope selling the car brings you some satisfaction and ends this area of disagreement between you and your husband.

We split finances. Both our salaries go into the joint account and then he gets a portion for his personal spends and I get a portion for mine.

We both bought our cars out of our own personal spends.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I meant to say we dont split finances.

[Happyheartlovelife]

@QueenofmyPrinces

Why do you need to sell it?

Because I’m not allowed to drive it and the money would come in really handy.

Why do you need 2 cars?

We don’t.

Why does he need to fix his up?

So he can drive it.

Why do you need to store it? In a garage?

The idea is I would store it in the hope I would get my licence back again one day. To be honest though, I’m very doubtful of that and just want to sell it. We don’t need two cars.

But his car is broken? So if you sell yours. He won't be able to drive you places you need to go?

Unless you buy another car?

Putting it into a garage will wreck it. It will seize Then you'll have two broken cars.

[Happyheartlovelife]

@QueenofmyPrinces

Why do you need to sell it?

Because I’m not allowed to drive it and the money would come in really handy.

Why do you need 2 cars?

We don’t.

Why does he need to fix his up?

So he can drive it.

Why do you need to store it? In a garage?

The idea is I would store it in the hope I would get my licence back again one day. To be honest though, I’m very doubtful of that and just want to sell it. We don’t need two cars.

If you don't need 2 cars. Can't you sell his. Or scrap it. Then have your car as the family car?!?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I too have shit health. I'd love to learn to drive and if I ever am able to do so, my car will mean a lot to me, a sense of achievement. I think even if he treat it right it would still be upsetting to see it every day as it's a reminder of your health. I feel very low and useless some days and would feel it's a reminder of things I can't do.

This is exactly it. I can’t bear to see it sitting outside the house - knowing how much it meant to me, how it symbolised something really positive in my life, and now it’s all gone.

It’s like a constant reminder of what I have lost, a constant reminder of my bad health and that I’m ‘different’ and a constant reminder what I can no longer have.

I even hate sitting in it because when I look at my husband in the driver’s seat all I can think is “that’s where I should be sitting” and it’s hurts.

[unmarkedbythat]

Both our salaries go into the joint account and then he gets a portion for his personal spends and I get a portion for mine.

OK, you partially split finances, and what you buy with your money is exclusively yours. We don't do that. Our money is one pot entirely, we don't split spending money the way you do. But like I said, who am I to judge what works for you? Whatever works!

[QueenofmyPrinces]

But his car is broken? So if you sell yours. He won't be able to drive you places you need to go?

He doesn’t drive me anywhere, there’s nowhere I need to go.

If I sell my car for money that I need then he will have to mend his own.

[Happyheartlovelife]

Because if you're getting into. This is my car. This is his car

You need a lift to work? So would he give you a lift in his? If it got fixed? Or do you need to get a new one for you to store?

Me and my DH have his car and my car. However. If he wants to he drives mine. I do occasionally drive his. But I hate driving it. I seem to have people hit me in his cars! I nearly died after someone hit me up the back and my car rolled 7 times and I landed on the roof. It took them 6 hours to cut me out. That was his car. When we first met. So i hate the thought of doing that to his new car.


Or. You could sell both and buy one family one? However I think that a massive waste of resources you already have?

[RandomLondoner]

Cars are transport/tools, so in the same category as the vacuum cleaner or oven

Your car is like your phone or your jewellery or your handbag. It is personal to you.

I'm with the second quoted comment. I'm amazed at how many people seem to think like the first. I wonder how many of them are car owners, who have maybe spent tens of thousands of their own money, that they could have spent on anything, on a nice car, after spending months poring over options.

Actually I would be pissed off if someone scratched my vacuum cleaner, or cracked a knob on the oven. The vacuum is a nice yellow Miele. I don't want to live in a house where the equipment looks like it was rescued from a junk yard.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

If you don't need 2 cars. Can't you sell his. Or scrap it. Then have your car as the family car?!?

I’ve suggested that but he won’t sell it as he likes his own. He slags my car off a lot - he wouldn’t sell his in favour of only having the option to drive mine.

[Leaannb]

@QueenofmyPrinces

You would rather sell your car than let Your Husband use it? This really is one of the most bizarre thing Ive read.

No I want to sell it because I cant drive it and because the money will come in really useful.

As I have said numerous times in the thread.

And what are you going to do about his car? Use all the proceeds from selling your car to fix his?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

He doesn’t take me/collect me from work - he couldn’t because of his own working hours.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

And what are you going to do about his car? Use all the proceeds from selling your car to fix his?

No, it will come out of the joint account as does the cost of all car repairs.

[Happyheartlovelife]

Ahhh!

Excuse me then

I do completely understand about the his and yours. Even in a marriage. Though I think the reason people do that is because legally in a marriage. Assets are seen as joint.

I also understand if he's leaving it as a tip. That would be awful

However. It's barmy to me to get rid of a working car. To either buy another working car. Or to be left without one. If you were going to get rid of it and not have to buy another one. That's different. You say you'd do something that benefits the family. Yet surely having a car that works benefits the family?

I think there's something deeper than the car going on. I feel there is some other issue than him using your car. (Though the mess. I y derstand. If it was my DH. He'd either have to clean it. Or we'd have it cleaned). It's the disrespect of him treating something like that. That you've worked for. I feel if you hadn't paid for it individually. It might not be the same?