To be upset about my husband using my car?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

In August 2019 I very sadly lost my driving licence for medical reasons.

I had about 4 months left on my MOT whereas my husbands MOT was just about to expire so I told him he may as well use mine for the 4 months and then we would SORN it.

However, a year and 2 months later he is still using my car and I don’t like it.

His car has just sat on our drive that whole time, it obviously doesn’t start and will need work doing on it to pass the MOT - including new window screen and about two of his tyres are flat. There will be more work needed to.

I didn’t really use my car a lot, only to and fro work two days a week and the occasional short journey here and there but now it’s being used so much more because he uses it to go back and forth to work 5 days a week, he goes to sporting fixtures in it, goes to airports etc and he’s racking my mileage up so much - never mind the wear and tear on it.

He’s not exactly a gentle driver and I have had to have repairs to the suspension and brake pads since he’s had it.

He has never looked after the interior of his own car and now he’s doing exactly the same to mine. Food has been sat into the seats, sweets trod into the flooring, rubbish everywhere, empty cans and bottles under the seats, half empty crisp packets etc - it’s disgusting. I went in the car the other day and I nearly cried.

I have spoken to him many times about it and he says we are a one car family now and there’s no point in paying to sort his own out when he can just use mine.

My MOT is due to expire at the end of November so I have been telling him he needs to sort his car out as I’m going to SORN mine and store it in my mom’s garage.

He nods along and makes the appropriate noise but have heard that he’s told his friend that it will depend on how much it will cost to fix his own car as to whether he stops using mine or not.

He’s always making derogatory comments about my car.....it’s not big enough.....it’s not powerful enough etc and it just upsets me. If it’s such a shit car then why won’t he just drive his own!!!

I miss my car so much. It took me 9 years to get my driving licence because of my health and this car was my first nice car (previous ones have been pretty cheap second hands ones) and I just feel sad about it all.

I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable about this?

Am I letting my emotions cloud the logic to what he is saying?

[Eviebeans]

I know that in your heart of hearts you realise that it isn't just about the car - it meant so much more to you than that. However, you only currently need one car. Because 'yours' is the working one it should logically be that one. But you don't need his heap of junk standing idle never likely to be fixed. He needs to deal with getting rid of it.

[Beautiful3]

If you cannot use it then let him sell his car and use yours, it's for the family. In sorry you lost your licence op

[MitziK]

@QueenofmyPrinces

Another YANBU..... You don't lose your right to be an individual who owns items because you're married!!!I own things that are solely mine and I'd be pissed off if my DH unilaterally decided to take them over and vice versa.

Exactly - he buys himself really expensive golf clubs - just because we are married that doesn’t make them mine too.

He’s recently bought himself a really fancy laptop - just because we are married that doesn’t mean it’s mine.

Perhaps you should start using the golf clubs when you need to bang in a nail and the bag as a handy place to store half empty cans of Coke.

[TeamLucille]

I don't get the "mine" and "yours" with family cars.

I do 🤷.
I have my car, DH got his car, and we have a "family" car. We are not that bothered who drives what, depends why we need a car that day, but MY car is to be kept as you find it. DH is free to leave his own mess, leave the kids covered in mud jumped in it, not my problem. The family car is a bit more controversial

All 3 cars came from the "family" budget, but we only had to both agree on the family car, we bought the car we each wanted without input from the other (within reasons, no one was going to bankrupt the family or remortgage the house...)

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Perhaps you should start using the golf clubs when you need to bang in a nail and the bag as a handy place to store half empty cans of Coke.

[TeamLucille]

Sorry OP, I don't mean to be insensitive.

I do think your DH should understand and acknowledge that you are reasonably upset, and should at least respect your car, especially when you are unable to use and it's not your decision.

[Heyahun]

ugh annoying - i'd just sell the bloody car to be honest and let him sort his own out! Don't spend another penny on the car and don't put it in storage either it's such a waste

[Fajitanita]

I thought everyone worked like this...

So because you do, you assume everyone else does?

Me and DH have our own cars, we can use each others but we paid for them out of our own money, mainly as I wanted a new one and he was happy with an older car, it wouldn't have been fair for him to pay towards mine really when I could have got a cheaper one that would have done the job. If he used mine and left it in a state or decided to one day just abandon his and always use mine despite having his own and without properly discussing it, I would also be annoyed. I would sell both to be honest and decide together what 'one car' you would both like. Sorry to hear about your license.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

*All 3 cars came from the "family" budget, but we only had to both agree on the family car, we bought the car we each wanted without input from the other.

Maybe I could suggest we both sell our cars and just get one family one?

Seems like a good middle ground.

[Deux]

Well it’s a massive fuck you, I don’t care what you feel, isn’t it? I don’t care that you bought your car and looked after it carefully cos I’m not going to bother. YANBU and it’s very disrespectful. I think it’s exacerbated by him letting his own vehicle turn to a heap of junk and now he’s doing the same with yours.

Sorry you’re having a shit time. Is he like this in other areas? I suspect that the way you feel you’ve felt before in response to his behaviour and treatment of you and your feelings? Do you get what you need from him?

[TeamLucille]

Maybe I could suggest we both sell our cars and just get one family one?

at least it wouldn't be your car being messed up. Just be warned that a family car is likely to be treated like his own in term of mess!

[Chloemol]

So tell him he has one month to get his car on the road. You are then going to sorn yours end of. It doesn’t matter if there is still an mot on it

And do it

[SunshineCake]

One car family would be fine if he wasn't being such a dickhead and treating the car and his wife with no respect.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Yes, that's a good idea, if your car is genuinely too small for family transport. Sell both and get one new one.

But I don't agree with the golf clubs analogy. Cars are transport/tools, so in the same category as the vacuum cleaner or oven, you buy them as you need them for the family situation. We have 'his' and 'her' cars as in there's one that DP uses most of the time, and one that I use most of the time, and we have one registered, insured to each of us, but that's because it's simpler for insurance etc and means that we both, hopefully maintain NCB. I've just swapped to a small fun car, but I will use the other car instead if I ever need a bigger car for any reason.

Golf clubs are optional hobby equipment generally wanted and used by one person.

[islockdownoveryet]

Sorry I don't understand you can't drive but you don't want him driving your car .
Why don't you sell it ? or he sell his ?
I don't understand any car being sat there for no use .
Either way he can't drive both cars at once . If it bothers you so much tell him your sorn the car and put it up for sale .

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Sorry you’re having a shit time. Is he like this in other areas? I suspect that the way you feel you’ve felt before in response to his behaviour and treatment of you and your feelings? Do you get what you need from him?

My husband is amazing - for a hundred different reasons and I’m very, very lucky to have him. It’s just this issue I have a problem with

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Sorry I don't understand you can't drive but you don't want him driving your car . Why don't you sell it ? or he sell his ? I don't understand any car being sat there for no use . Either way he can't drive both cars at once . If it bothers you so much tell him your sorn the car and put it up for sale.

I have told him I want to sell my car but he says it would be pointless. I have advised he sell his car then and he says he won’t.

[Jaxhog]

We have separate cars that we each bought and each pay to maintain/repair, so I understand your pain. But, ultimately they are family cars that we both use. But he needs to show proper respect for you by keeping the cars nice. My DH would be very annoyed if I did what your DH is doing regarding food etc.

Suggest he sells his car and pays to keep your car in good condition.

[Eviebeans]

Does he give a reason for not wanting to sell his car...

[thewitchesofprestwick]

YANBU and it is disrespectful of your feelings. If he’s otherwise decent, could you have an honest talk with him and come to an agreement?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

But I don't agree with the golf clubs analogy. Cars are transport/tools, so in the same category as the vacuum cleaner or oven, you buy them as you need them for the family situation

But generally, ovens and hoovers are joint household items and so come out the joint bank account.

He wanted his car and so bought it for himself out of his money. I wanted my car and so bought it for myself out of my money.

[islockdownoveryet]

Just sell it it's your car .

[Florencex]

YABU. It’s a car and you are married so it really does belong to both of you no matter who purchased it. It’s a asset if the marriage. It is daft to fix a car when there is one working and I thought it was spiteful of you to say you are going to sell it.

We have two cars and we just see them as our cars even though one of them I have never driven and have barely been in. DH is messier than me in the car (and generally) and he eats in the car which bugs me, but I don’t cry about it, I tell him to take it to get valeted.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Does he give a reason for not wanting to sell his car...

Because of how much he likes it.

He’s always moaning about my car (which is really hard to listen to because of how much it means to me) and says he can’t wait to have his own car back.......but won’t actually do it.

[Happyheartlovelife]

I'm so confused

Why do you need to sell it?

Why do you need 2 cars?

Why does he need to fix his up?

Why do you need to store it? In a garage?