Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

We are child-free but not by choice. It means we have a higher disposable income, can do things more spontaneously, can travel more, don’t have to think about making sure things are out of reach in our home, having to close doors, etc.

One thing that does worry us is loneliness in old age. We will have no one to visit us. We have nieces and nephews but they live out of state so they wouldn’t be popping round every weekend or every fortnight, for example. We might only see them once a year, like we do now. We will have no grandchildren. We do think our old age will be very lonely.

I can't say I've exactly "embraced" childfree life, but realistically I'm early 40s with a decade of TTC behind me, so it probably isn't happening. Come to terms with, more like.

Anyway. All the pros @Britw

I agree with Sparky. We certainly haven’t “embraced” it. Accepted it? Yes, after 20+ years. Happy with it? Not exactly but it can’t be changed.

We are now 46 and 54.

We are childfree not by choice. There are definite advantages to childfree life. More freedom, more disposable income. I have a better pension (and was able to take voluntary early retirement) because I never took time off to have children. Yes I do worry about old age but I'm not letting it spoil what we have now.

Sorry, hit wrong button.

All the pros @BritWifeinUSA lists. Also add a job involving (normally) lots of travel, which would have been much trickier if kids were in the picture.

Cons: some longstanding friendships have drifted as said friends went down the New Baby Vortex. Most have now re-emerged, with fab DC we love spending time with. A couple haven't, and those friendships have drifted. One (ex) friend made it clear that as a childless/free person I have nothing of value to add to her life.

Overall though, DH and I have a nice life, just not quite the one we assumed we were going to have.

Having children isn't a guarantee that you won't be lonely in old age anyway.

Mid 40s here and childfree. I love the independence, the lack of ties, the fact that I simply don't have to deal with the tedium of parenting. I am a step mum though so I have youngsters in my life but luckily they are not my responsibility and I can pick and choose what I do with them. I am so glad I don't have children and don't regret it for an instance.

36 and childfree here (though constantly reminded "I can still change my mind.")
Love it and not one single regret. I'm a teacher and love kids dearly, but am very, very happy to go home to cats, gaming, my partner and peace!

Child free by choice and over 50. Very happy about it. My time, energy and money are my own. I am my own priority.

Have no expectations of being lonely as I get older. I have my dh and good friends I see regularly and envisage doing so as I age.

Having children is no guarantee you won't be lonely in later life anyway. You may be close with dc and gc, but you may not be. You may see them weekly or only rarely. The idea that giving birth entitles you to companionship in old age seems a risky plan. From.what I can see many mothers (and fathers) lose or narrow down friendships when they concentrate on family and then the nest empties and loneliness hits.

@CounsellorTroi true but the type of loneliness in old age I am referring to is the younger generation of our family. Sure we have many friends. And we will continue to have friends.

My family all live 5000 miles away in the UK. So I won’t see them often - but I’m used to that. But I’m referring to children and grandchildren popping by just because. We won’t have that. My mum tells me how my brothers will often just pop by on their way home from work or at the weekend just to spend some time with her and how she enjoys seeing the grandchildren.

I'm childfree by choice.

For me, the decision was based on not wanting children, rather than wanting a particular 'childfree lifestyle'.

I'm glad I don't have the worry and expense of children, and that I can live exactly as I wish without having to set any kind of example or keep to a routine.

The world is a shitty place. I'm not grateful to my parents for bringing me into it, and I have no desire to inflict the wretched torment we call 'life' onto any offspring of my own.

There's a difference between childfree and childless. It may seem pedantic but the difference needs to be recognizes. Another reminder just because people have children does not mean they will not be lonely in old age. It is not an automatic guarantee that people with children will have someone to take care of them. Its not an automatic that people who jave children will be surrounded on the weekend by grandchildren.

I am 50 and I did not make a decision, it was made for me. I decided to accept what nature threw at me though and did not seek treatment. I. am sometimes sad that I did not have children, however also accepting of the dice that were thrown for me and I am making the most out of my life. I am not sure I would have been a good mother anyway, my own mother was horrible.

I'm late 50s. Childfree by choice - I never had any doubts and I am still thankful I took this path in life (it's been such fun!!!!)

32, childfree and hope to remain so for rest of life!

I genuinely do not envy the lives of my friends with children, in fact most of the time I think ‘you poor bastards’, even when they’re telling me how great it is to have kids.
I really enjoy my independence, my mess free home, being able to travel the world on a whim (under normal circumstances!), my disposable income being all mine, the peace and quiet, being able to focus on my career and just generally being able to live as I choose, always.
I know couples with children can achieve all these things, I just think it’s so much harder for them.

Controversial on mumsnet, I know. Before anyone asks, I’m here for the parking threads

41 and acutely aware that my 'window' is closing. However I have fertility problems (unexpectedly diagnosed at 27). In our case, we decided that we didn't want to go through the merry-go-round of IVF. We chose to remain childfree but no guarantees that we would have been successful even if we had TTC with IVF.

No regrets so far - decided at age 30 and I've become more comfortable with it as time goes on. I'm lucky to have a large extended family with lots of nieces and nephews, so I am an Auntie and a Godmother. I really enjoy my independence - I can give everything to my career and have a good income which I haven't hit the ceiling for yet. I like being able to go out or on holiday at short notice (covid notwithstanding!).

Childless not childfree at 40 owing to male infertility and all f*cking research on fertility solely focusing on fixing women rather than men. Pisses me off no end.

We can afford to and have the time to do most things as they take our fancy - a takeaway, a night in the pub, popping out any time of day or night. Not so much foreign holidays in the budget, but city breaks etc are easy enough.

It doesn't outweigh the lack of children for me, but I need to learn to suck it up.

Child free in our late 30s here.

We're very happy. I'd rather have cats.

Mid 40s and childfree by choice. Been with my husband for 27 years. We have always been very happy just the two of us and never felt the need for children. I'm an artist I am completely fufilled in my work, life and relationships. I have no regrets at all and would make the same choice again.

Childfree at 48 by choice. Spent so much of my teenage years changing the nappies of my 5 nieces and nephews, I pretty much decided it wasn't for me then!

DH not really the paternal type, so wasn't bothered. No regrets, although occasionally I wonder what sort of parents we would have been. Dogs take care of the 'caring' side of me!!

I'm 42 and childfree by choice. Never wanted kids or a live in partner. Would rather do my own thing.

I can't know if I'll regret it as none of us can see into the future but assume I wont as I chose it and have built my life this way rather than having a life with a child shaped hole if that makes sense.

Must be really hard if you wanted kids and it didn't happen though.

Child free and couldn’t be happier with the choice, especially when I think about how dire the future looks in many ways. I love the freedom, the peace, and the lack of relentless worry/guilt that I suspect would torment me if I had children.
I don’t worry about old age, I assume my peers will be my company and I have god children, nieces and nephews who hopefully will keep in touch a bit. I’ve always enjoyed my own company though so even if I end up old and alone with no friends or relatives I think I’d still be fine if I had my dogs and a good book!

DH and I tried for DC with a 'if it happens, it happens' attitude but then found fertility issues and we can't have kids.

I love my tidy, peaceful home, have lots of spare cash, and I have freedom and spontaneity with my days. I have hours of time to myself. I appreciate the fact I only worry about myself and DH, and feel relieved I don't have the 'mum stress' my friends describe, they seems to be constantly worrying about their DC and the world they have brought them into. On a really superficial level, having kids has very much aged my friends (lack of sleep and added stress I assume!).

We enjoy lovely holidays, sleep in at weekends, can take advantage of getting away during 'school time' for better deals (well, pre-covid!) And I have a lot of hobbies that I don't think I would have the energy for if I was a Mum. There are lots of positives in my life!

But. I know in years to come when I'm visiting friends and they're telling me about their now-adult DC and perhaps telling me about their grandchildren and big family meals and weddings and meet ups, I know I will feel a pang of sadness at what could have been, and exclusion of a club I will never belong to.

Whatever life you choose, there are sacrifices and you can't have it all, but you have to decide what regrets you can live with, and which you can't.

Wondering how long it'll be before someone pops up to ask why we childfree by choice posters are on Mumsnet .

I have a mental bingo card for this type of thread!

@WitchesSpelleas i was thinking the same