Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

Lonely, not lovely

I'm honestly bored shitless listening to a couple of my friends talking about their kids.

Play dates
Baby classes
Farms and soft plays
Kid friendly food places
School plays/sports says/discos
Kids birthday parties
Kids tv shows

It all sounds just tedious as fuck to me. And they don't seem to really enjoy it. It just sounds like my worst nightmare.

We like

Our respective hobbies (not child friendly)
Decent wines
Restaurants
Horror movies
Quiet time at home chilling and reading
The type of expensive adult holiday that children would hate.
Lie ins til 11 on the weekend
The occasional spliff

We are absolutely not suited to having children.

Child free by choice. Rolling towards 40 and very content. I don't like children; they don't interest me and I don't especially enjoy spending time with relatives' kids even. DH fortunately also isn't keen so we enjoy our life. I'm here for S&B and Feminism boards. If I'd been on the fence, this place would have sealed the deal against it, anyway!

@Onlyherefortheconspiracies I mean, I don’t know anything about their financial situation or work situation really. Just sounds like loads of hassle and I’m like thanks but no thanks! I’m on the first long haul flight out of here when quarantine ends

[quote ilikebooksandplants]@ivftake1 they shouldn’t make it sound so unappealing then, even when they’re trying to sell it! . It just sounds awful to me, even when they’re telling me how happy they are.

Someone posted on fb announcing their third pregnancy and my gut reaction was WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU. Obviously I don’t tell them I pity them, it’s just my first reaction. [/quote]
Numerous times I've been told horrendous birth stories, a man I worked with always complained he was skint because of his children, mums complain about no sleep, awful stories about things they've been through, days they've had, things their children have done and then they are shocked I don't want children, tell me my life isn't worth it without children and tell me I'll never be happy without them... all they do is complain about them! Alternatively all the parents I know adore being parents and I perso ally think are amazing parents are supportive of my choice to be childfree!

Child free and 46, had a wobble in my 20's but thankfully it didn't happen, I love babies and teens but the bit in the middle no thank you, but I am far too selfish to have ever had children, and I feel the world is a terrible place and I would hate to bring children into this shitshow.

It's refreshing that no one has said yet that as a childfree woman I don't know love etc.

I like (some) children well enough, but I am just not sufficiently interested in them to where I would have wanted to be a mother. There was never a yearning. I enjoy peace too much, and at this point, it's the state of the world that makes me think I made the right choice not to have them.

This is an interesting thread.

In nearly 30 and undecided. One minute I want kids, the next I worry about the money involved. I am an anxious person generally, and I believe having a child is the biggest and most serious decision a person can make in their life. I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.

I'm not worried about being alone when I'm old, having a child is no guarantee of company and maybe I won't live long enough to get old! Having a child so you won't be alone is a very selfish reason to bring a life into the world imo.

[quote ilikebooksandplants]@ivftake1 they shouldn’t make it sound so unappealing then, even when they’re trying to sell it! . It just sounds awful to me, even when they’re telling me how happy they are.

Someone posted on fb announcing their third pregnancy and my gut reaction was WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU. Obviously I don’t tell them I pity them, it’s just my first reaction. [/quote]
You don't know what you're talking about.

48 and childfree by circumstance more than anything...I'd always assumed I'd have kids but after a very long EA relationship that I did not want to bring children into, I didn't meet DH until my late thirties, and he didn't want any, but I think he would have gone along with it if I'd been desperate to. In my early forties I felt I had to make a final decision one way or the other as I felt quite unsettled. I did sort of mourn a bit once the decision was made and felt quite sad for a while, but equally I knew trying to have a baby in my forties with someone who didn't really want one probably wasn't a recipe for success either. I also want to retire early and hopefully travel some and didn't want to be funding a child through uni in my 60s.

Fast forward 5 years and I'm pretty content. I don't have an amazing career or a fabulous social life, or do lots of travelling. I'm mostly found reading a book, baking or tramping around a deserted field with the dog, but it's a nice quiet life and I'm happy with it. I know it's a cliche but getting Ddog a couple of years later really helped, having her to love and look after has been really settling for me.

My friends with children seem to have such busy exhausting lives, I'm not sure I would have coped with it tbh!

‘Someone posted on fb announcing their third pregnancy and my gut reaction was WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU. Obviously I don’t tell them I pity them, it’s just my first reaction.’

To be fair, I DO have a child and I think this as well 😂 One is easy and just slots in but I’ve no idea why people want more 😬

I absolutely respect and understand anyone’s choice to be child free, just like anyone who chooses to have multiple. Each to their own!

@ivftake1 why don’t I know what I’m talking about?
This is a thread to discuss the merits of being childfree. I am discussing my feelings about being childfree. This is how I feel when I talk to my friends who have children. Their lives are not enviable to me. I would never say this to them, and I am a supportive friend because I love my friends. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather boil myself in oil than do it myself!

I’m 66 and child free by choice .... I had myself sterilised at 32 just to be sure!!! For me, it was absolutely the right decision. I know I would have hated being a mother and have no regrets at all.

Plus points ... I’ve lived my life for me, how I have wanted to live it and have had the time, emotional energy and financial resources to enjoy it to the full. Minuses? I can’t really think of any other than my mother wistfully sighing and asking me when I was going to present her with a grandchild. For the record, we had a short but meaningful conversation on the subject immediately after I had my tubes clipped and that was the end of the matter.

Children enhance your life if you’re cut out to be a parent, have the resources and are prepared for the sacrifices you have to make to raise them. I have no regrets whatever about my decision.

Children enhance your life if you’re cut out to be a parent, have the resources and are prepared for the sacrifices you have to make to raise them.

This is so true.

I’m 30 but have known from a very young age children are not for me. I do not have a maternal bone in my body and find children incredibly tedious, and could not ever imagine my revolving round another person (in any way).

The thought of damaging my body growing and delivering a child makes me cringe.

I don’t worry about being lonely in later life - I have a horse and once you’re involved in that lifestyle you’re never lonely!

I am quite envious of those who are childfree by choice and who were brave enough to make that decision, some might not see it as brave but I think it is incredibly strong not to bow down to pressure and to know your own mind and completely own that decision, it must feel flipping ace to feel that sure in yourself about something.

I’m 50, and very happily childfree by choice, with absolutely no regrets.

I never, ever wanted to be a parent and I knew from a very early age that it just wasn’t for me. Playing with dolls never interested me and I didn’t particularly like children even when I was one myself.

The more I learned about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood the more the whole thing sounded to me like a total fucking nightmare in which, by any objective analysis, the downsides massively outweighed the benefits. Which led me to ask an obvious question : If remaining childfree is logically a no-brainer, and effective contraception makes parenthood easy to opt out of, why on earth do so many people choose to have children?

Obviously some people get ‘broody’ (whatever that means), and most people comply with, or at least never seriously question, social ‘norms’. I am not ‘most people‘ and I don’t want to be.

@KylieKangaroo that's a nice compliment
There is quite a lot of pressure; you're not a proper woman, you'll be lonely, where's my grandchildren, you'll regret it, societal expectations, the forcing of gender roles and so on. I wonder how many people just get married, buy house, have kids etc almost unthinkingly, because that's what our society says to do.

I don't want children so I don't have any. It's as simple as that.

@bobbinthreadbare123 I'm glad it's a compliment, definitely agree with everything you say!

33 and I am childfree and plan on staying that way. I like that my body is my own, I like that I can change life, place, career with minimal stress. I feel free and I have time to spend on my creative projects after work. I am happy that people wont feel beholden to me when I am old. I'm also grateful for the deep friendships I have been able to nurture because I have the time. I also enjoy not having the extra anxiety surrounding how they will manage when I'm gone and what the world will be like

I find the feelings of being left out worse than any longing for a child. That's quite pathetic to admit but at 36 I've accepted I won't have children. I only wanted one anyway, anymore just seemed like too much hard work and I'm not particularly devastated about it.
I do feel excluded and the odd one out though, always awkward when people at work or friends are discussing their kids and I'm like "Yeah, my niece does that too".

It's easier the older I get because I never wanted kids at this age and definitely don't want to be looking after school age children during my 50s.

Don't have to worry about them being conscripted and fighting wars of aggression for the benefit of very few.

Childfree here. No regrets. I find children incredibly boring.

I am lonely much of the time. If I had kids, I wouldn’t be less lonely, but would have way more crap to deal with. No thanks.

No nieces or nephews, which suits fine, as I’d hate to have to fake interest in them.

Friends all went down the baby route. I showed interest in their new lives but realised it was never reciprocated, so drifted apart. Don’t get to see family much as we are thousands of miles away.

People tend to become more selfish when they have kids ime. You only have to look at the threads about Christmas. So many people think the Covid rules shouldn’t apply to their families. Thanks to them, those of us who are responsible have to suffer more. It’s pure selfishness.

I have more freedom and money, time to volunteer, pursue interests etc. Wouldn’t want to give that up.

Children enhance your life if you’re cut out to be a parent

That is very true. I am not cut out to be a parent. I dare say that if I absolutely had to, I’d make a decent fist of it for their sake but it wouldn’t make me happy.

The things I value in life - independence, freedom, travel, peace and quiet, time-and-money-intensive hobbies - are not compatible with children. I’m well into my 40s now and I’m quite happy with a decision I made a long time ago. That’s not to say I don’t question it from time to time, but I do know that I made the right decision for me.

Will I be lonely when I’m old? Maybe. But then so are some people who had children and I’m damn well not going to live my entire life as some sort of tenuous insurance policy.

Some people seem terribly threatened and upset by those who choose, freely and happily, not to have kids. I genuinely don’t know why.