Childfree life

[uka888]

More women seem to be embracing the childfree life.
What’s your experiences? Plus points ? Negatives? Those of you 50/60+ are you pleased with your decision?
I think it’s good more options of spoken about so women can feel like it’s a choice.

I'm 30 and childfree by choice. Been with my OH for 12 years and seriously considered it after we'd been together about 4 years but decided neither of us really wanted kids. Those feelings have never changed. We are happy together being childfree and doing our own thing - I don't regret it for a second.

@ilikebooksandplants

32, childfree and hope to remain so for rest of life!

I genuinely do not envy the lives of my friends with children, in fact most of the time I think ‘you poor bastards’, even when they’re telling me how great it is to have kids.
I really enjoy my independence, my mess free home, being able to travel the world on a whim (under normal circumstances!), my disposable income being all mine, the peace and quiet, being able to focus on my career and just generally being able to live as I choose, always.
I know couples with children can achieve all these things, I just think it’s so much harder for them.

Controversial on mumsnet, I know. Before anyone asks, I’m here for the parking threads

You don't need to pity your mates with children!

I'm 44 and CFBC. Always knew I didn't want to have them, never found babies and children cute or appealing in any way. No urges whatsoever, so it wasn't a decision I made at all - just something I always knew. It's just as well really, I have a chronic illness which means I wouldn't have been able to look after them properly.

Childfree. Only 33 but most women in my family become menopausel quite young, so I'm aware that if I change my mind, the window to have kids naturally might already be closed. So far, I'm enjoying it. I have a pretty quiet life, no late night parties, constantly meeting friends or going on city trips every weekend, but I like that I can fill my days exactly the way I want to. I took up a new job earlier this year which (hopefully once covid subsides) will involve quite a bit of travel including longer periods of several months in different countries. It's challenging enough to do that with just a husband and 2 cats, don't think it would be possible with children as well (although I have one colleague who managed to lead that kind of life when she only had one child).

I'm not too worried about being lonely in old age. I am an only child and live in a different country to my parents, I might see them 3x a year for a week or less. I'm the perfect reminder that having a kid does not mean you spend a lot of time with them once they're an adult.

I am slightly worried however that my friendship group will fall apart in the next 5 years or so if/when more people will start to have kids.

There's a difference between childfree and childless.

I do appreciate the difference. I call myself childfree not by choice because I did originally want children, but couldn't have them because of fertility issues. At this particular point in my life I am happy I do not have them.

@WitchesSpelleas

Wondering how long it'll be before someone pops up to ask why we childfree by choice posters are on Mumsnet .

I have a mental bingo card for this type of thread!

Not from me. Books, feminism, gardening, a damn good argument, all perfectly good reasons to post.

However I do think there are posters here with an agenda tbh.

Child free by choice and love it. Have been able to take whatever jobs I wanted and in fact give up jobs and study when I wanted.

Never had the slightest desire to have kids so can't say I would ever regret it (as why would I have had them at a time when I didn't want them) .

44 and child free by choice. Nothing about parenting looks fun to us. It’s just not for me.

DH and I live a nice quiet peaceful life doing whatever we want, whenever we want.

Emigrated a few years ago and plan to move to a ski town in the mountains for our semi retirement.

What agenda @rainyoutside Sorry i can't quote you.

There are an increasing number of posts claiming to hate motherhood. I’m sure some are genuine but they are quickly taken over by those with an agenda.

It’s a bit like sex - there was a time when you could talk about your sex drive decreasing. Now you get told you’re asexual

41, childfree by choice.
I do love children but the same way I love ponies. Love to cuddle and interact with them but doesn't mean I want my own.

I also live on my own by choice. Got an amazing DP but we have chosen to not live together.
Since I'm a child I have always wanted to live my life that way. Me, my dog, my lovely clean minimalist flat, my books, my classic movies and a good network of friends, supporting family and DP. I just don't need anything else.

Ah right. I'm sure I'd hate it but I haven't done it so I can't comment. A bit like camping

@WitchesSpelleas

Wondering how long it'll be before someone pops up to ask why we childfree by choice posters are on Mumsnet .

I have a mental bingo card for this type of thread!

I’m waiting too 😂

No stress, no boring chat with other mums at school and having to tolerate their kids as well. Sleep and not being a financial drain on the economy/healthcare/education services,

not being a financial drain on the economy/healthcare/education services

I suspect a flaming awaits but you're quite right, not having children is one of the best ways to support the NHS.

@CounsellorTroi

There's a difference between childfree and childless.

I do appreciate the difference. I call myself childfree not by choice because I did originally want children, but couldn't have them because of fertility issues. At this particular point in my life I am happy I do not have them.

I wish more people with fertility issues had your attitude. If people are prepared to accept the status quo they have many opportunities to live a fulfilled life without children. I can think of one couple in particular, very elderly now, who did just that and have been very happy - they've also done a lot of good in their life.

I was happy to become a mother but can see the advantages of being without children; you do have to have interests and a worthwhile career though.

It's just different, no one way of life is necessarily better than the other though I realise the grass is greener and all that.

@rainyoutside Sadly I don't think its unusual to be a mum, love your kids but to hate motherhood much of the time. I find myself in this position. I love them so much but the daily grind of motherhood sucks the life from me. Perhaps people's expectations are so much higher now for personal fulfillment? I can't wish them away but if I'd known how hard it would be, what it would turn me into I wouldn't have done it and I think its critcally important that every woman who feels that way has a platform to share those feelings because you often can't discuss it with family or even friends. Its not an adgenda but reality for many women and women gave a choice these days to say no to children and no to marriage if the choose to.

I wish more people with fertility issues had your attitude.

That’s very easy to say when you’ve wanted and had children.

I don't think child free or having a family are the reasons why people are happy or not. You can have a fulfilling career and travel and have kids, you can have kids and do little else, you can not have kids and not make the most of it, you can not have kids and absolutely love life to the max.
Life is different with kids but not necessarily better. I say this as someone who has their first very late and didn't expect to have any. I absolutely adore the children and I love having them. However, I miss having a bath in peace etc.
I didint have a child to keep me company later and fully expect that they will be living their own life - could move abroad etc
It must be incredibly cruel to have wanted children and not have been able to have them - I experienced some pregnancy loss- nowhere near like some have, and It's absolutely soul destroying . I find threads like this a bit difficult for that reason- some people will be reading this desperately wanting a child and for those of you that are trying or have had losses

It's still possible to enjoy luxury hols with children. I didn't want kids at all, but panicked when I hit 37. One DD (9) and we go to the Seychelles, Maldives, Barbados and DD loves the watersports etc..... We've been holidaying since she was 10 months old.

Interesting thread

I know teacake I have been hearing how critically important slagging off children is for years

@ivftake1 they shouldn’t make it sound so unappealing then, even when they’re trying to sell it! . It just sounds awful to me, even when they’re telling me how happy they are.

Someone posted on fb announcing their third pregnancy and my gut reaction was WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU. Obviously I don’t tell them I pity them, it’s just my first reaction.

Yes @Marmunia1975 I'm sure you can but it's just entirely different as you have to work round them or at the very least slot them in and can't just do what suits you. I'd rather not have to do that so I didn't have them.

@ilikebooksandplants I feel exactly the same. Two people I know who are utterly skint and have had no work through lockdown have posted about their pregnancies and I've just felt incredulous. Obviously I don't say anything and have been supportive as it's not my place and I'm not a horrible person but as I see it, there lives would be so much easier without.

I would love to have children. But haven't met anyone. My sister has never wanted kids. And the thought of having no family when I'm older, terrifies me. I would r say that I embrace the child free life. It's a very lovely place to be.