To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

Lying is always a red flag.

Also just to make clear because I know what MN can be like - I have no objection to his nationality (whatever it is!). My issue is the lying.

Different first name and different nationality both red flags - not necessarily terminal but watch out .

Are you sure he’s lying? Could his parents be X nationality but he was raised in Y country and therefore sort of be either?

It’s not Hungarian/Romanian is it? I know a couple of people from the border area and there are quite complicated cultural/historical/linguistic crossovers, so he may not have been lying as such.

I’d ask him. “Hey, you said you were Bulgarian, but you came up on my fb cos of your number in my phone, and all your childhood photos are Romania? Did you move there?

If he’s says, “Romanians always get shit in this country and my grandma is Bulgarian, so honesty - I went with that.” Then I’d be sympathetic. If he didn’t give me a reply that I felt was honest, I’d cut him off.

Is the name legit? Like, Alexander on profile but Lex when you met... or totally different?

Could it be more complicated than this? Tricky disputed area, mixed heritage, multiple moves in the family?

Unless it’s a misunderstanding and he didn’t actually lie, I’d say it’s a red flag

@kungfupannda

It’s not Hungarian/Romanian is it? I know a couple of people from the border area and there are quite complicated cultural/historical/linguistic crossovers, so he may not have been lying as such.

Not only the border. The whole Transylvania

My friend dated a man who lied about his ethnicity. His reasoning was that he didn’t think my friend would date someone from his true background (not the case at all) It then turned out he had lied about lots of things including he was actually still married and very much with his wife.
Id say it’s a red flag.

What was it that made it clear that he was a different nationality?

@kerryleigh I'm not Romanian myself but how can a WHOLE region of people be "complicated"? A bit discriminatory, eh?

Also could it be that he shortens his name way you're not familiar with, i.e. Sasha and Alexander which don't sound anything like each other but it's the same name.

You just need to reassure him that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being Welsh.

[quote readingismycardio]@kerryleigh I'm not Romanian myself but how can a WHOLE region of people be "complicated"? A bit discriminatory, eh?[/quote]
I am Romanian and I'm coming from there. I won't get into history of Transylvania, but it is complicated

Just ask him to explain it to you. Like a PP said, in some countries there are complex cross border issues and to him it may not be a lie at all, just part of his cultural heritage. If I turns out he is absolutely lying then you can ditch him.

He lied about his name as well though.

Just cut your losses and dont see him again.

@kerryleigh

I'm Hungarian, grandfather from Transylvania, its very complicated!

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

He lied about his name as well though.

Just cut your losses and dont see him again.

Did he though? I have my real name on fb but everyone knows me by a nickname that isn’t linked, it’s related to something else about me. If I told someone to look me up on fb I’d tip them off, but not warn them in advance in case they saw it cos of fb matching numbers.

@kerryleigh I have met quite a few Romanian people through work (one of them a judge!), and they were amazing, hard working and incredibly professional. Of course not all of people in Romania are like that, but my experience has been great so far!

Could it be a case of how a question was worded? For example, I live in Wales, so when asked "where are you from?" I answer Wales, but I'm not Welsh and have never described myself as such.

The different name is more worrying than the nationality.
Could he be a dual national?
Could he have more than one FB profile?

I think it depends on the reason why he lies. Does he meet many people with negative attitudes to his nationality? Does he identify as the nationality he told you even though he is officially another nationality? I wouldn´t say it is necessarily a red flag. Nationality and identity are complexed issues. Ask him about it and see what he says.

I've just realised that where I'm born doesn't correspond with where I live now or my passports so when I'm asked where I'm from it is a long answer as I'm rarely sure what answer they are after.

Lied about his name and origin hole...yeh I'd say it's a red flag. Unless it's a nickname...

I'd take a close look at that fb page. It might reveal a bit more about him.