To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

It’s quite common for people to have two different nationalities, whether officially or not. I have worked all over the world and have an Irish passport (Irish-born mother) as it’s sometimes problematic to be British. Born and raised in England though.

India Knight should be called Pakistan Knight because her mother is from Lahore, but obviously doesn’t have the same ring!

Oh and a last one. Could he be a Latvian of Russian origin? I've known a few Russians, born and raised in Latvia as part of the Russian ethnic minority. I don't know about now but they tend not to have a Latvian passport but a Russian one and of course, being Russian, they speak in their own language. Similar to my dad being a German ethnic minorty in Poland from a family of Russian Germans (German ethnic minorities in Russia).
It can be more complicated than we think!

@Kerryleigh...I'm British AND American. It can be very complicated

Add him on Facebook

A genuine reason could be him acquiring the second citizenship as an adult, and uses it as his primary one due to lack of the same bias/prejudice or less paperwork when it comes to travelling,working etc.

The other is having got citizenship through one of his parents/grandparents and using it for the same reasons.

People across the Middle East profess different nationalities because their clans are not specific to a geography. I have Muslim friends who will sometimes say they’re Iranian, Pakistani, Persian or Indian and all of them are correct.

@TicTacTwo

I've just realised that where I'm born doesn't correspond with where I live now or my passports so when I'm asked where I'm from it is a long answer as I'm rarely sure what answer they are after.

Similar thing, no passports confusion but within Uk. When me and DH meet new people e.g. on holiday and are asked where we are from, we are never quite sure how to answer it. I am originally from the north, he is from the midlands and we live in the south. So we either just name the place in the south where we both currently live or it is a long winded explanation of where I am from, where he is from and where we live now.

@inchyra

People across the Middle East profess different nationalities because their clans are not specific to a geography. I have Muslim friends who will sometimes say they’re Iranian, Pakistani, Persian or Indian and all of them are correct.

Yep, ethnically I can call myself Persian, Balti, Pakistani, Indian, Tibetan, Dard or Burig. I choose Balti amongst Asians as my family had lived there for a long time, we also have the typical green eyes, pale skin, brown hair and height (taller than most from the Indian subcontinent).

Legally I used to be Pakistani where nationality is concerned, but I made sure to get rid of that as soon as I could.

I wouldn't go straight to red flag it depends on a lot of things. Duel nationalities/moved somewhere as a kid/nicknames/name changes. I know a lot of people who will use a different name as they get sick of people pronouncing their real name wrong or they just don't like their name.

Well you ought to talk to him about it, obviously, but I don't necessarily think it's a massive red flag - I have complicated nationality/multiple heritage and my real name is on FB but barely anyone calls me by it irl as I go by a nickname.

Personally this would be 2 red flags for me. But having said that it's worth asking. One of my friends was brought up in Russian but was born in Kazakhstan, so I think he goes with Russian in terms of nationality, but is technically not. Nicknames can also be a bit misleading, so Dima (for Dmitri), Misha (for Mikhail) and Vova (for Vladimir) are all possible short forms (obviously a ton of others too). Good luck and I hope he comes out of it well as you seem to like him.

Maybe he moved to the country as a child, but is “from” a different country?

E.g. if you moved from Ireland to England as a child, you would have English friends, English school etc, but would probably still consider yourself to be Irish?

A fib that is designed to do nothing except ensure that you aren’t put off him in the first couple of dates isn’t really a lie imo, I wouldn’t think it’s a big deal.

In my experience, massive red flag. Ex claimed to be Spanish but was actually Iranian. I still have no idea why he lied but even when I showed him all of the Facebook comments in Farsi he denied it...it was odd. Turned out to be very much married to his ‘ex wife’

I can't see why it's automatically a red flag, sorry. I'm so embarrassed about Brexit, and abhor the government but when my brother's Spanish gf constantly goes in about how shit the UK is, and how amazing Spain is, the temptation to ask why she doesn't eff off back there is almost irresistible. Which I suppose means I retain some national pride, and I think most do. If he's lying about his nationality, I doubt he's thrilled about it and it's probably only because he's used to prejudice.

I think some people underestimate the racism, xenophobia and hostility some nationalities and ethnicities face. It's up to you whether to consider it beyond you to get over or not but unless you ask him directly you will never know his reasons. I disagree that it could mean he is also married... so many cheaters do this to unknowingly other women all the time.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie

I'm struggling to think of any nationality which has such a terrible reputation that it either derail the thread or justify lying.

On the face of it lying about his name and nationality is deeply bizarre and cause to run a mile.

That said there are plenty of reasons, as suggested already, why this might be a mix up.

I don't think anyone can usefully comment without the nationalities and a (made up) example of how similar the names are.

I dated a James for 4 months. We were Facebook freinds. Then a person you may know popped up with a familiar face but was called Pete and had a wife 🙄🙄.
Walk away. There's never any need to lie.

@raddledoldmisanthropist

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie

I'm struggling to think of any nationality which has such a terrible reputation that it either derail the thread or justify lying.

On the face of it lying about his name and nationality is deeply bizarre and cause to run a mile.

That said there are plenty of reasons, as suggested already, why this might be a mix up.

I don't think anyone can usefully comment without the nationalities and a (made up) example of how similar the names are.

Are you yourself from an ethnicity or nationality where you’re treated awfully by a number of people and that has hate groups specifically designed to hate you?

Have you had clients asking your boss not to send you because your a “ bastard”? Or had your partners parents hate you because of your nationality and ethnicity?

It could be due to a common misunderstanding about the country. For example, many languages don’t have a common word for British and say English for the whole of the UK. If you tell then you are Welsh/Scottish/etc they will not know where you mean until they realise you mean “English”.

I’ve also heard that American backpackers will always sew Canadian flags onto their bags because the US has a bad reputation abroad.

Is he really really good looking? I ask because it might be possible someone has pinched his photos?

Are you yourself from an ethnicity or nationality where you’re treated awfully by a number of people and that has hate groups specifically designed to hate you?

I think you've misunderstood my point (or are just doing the fashionable thing of imputing bad faith where none exists).

I'm not suggesting terrible racism doesn't occur. I'm puzzled why OP sees that as the most likely reason for the lie. If he's (for example) Nigerian would it really improve his chances on a date to say he's from Benin? I don't picture racists having that level of nuance.

I would have thought it's more likely to be either a complete fabrication because he's a cheat or a simple ethnicity issue.

Hence why I think knowing the ball park of how far apart his 'fake' details are from the real ones is necessary.

The name thing isn’t really suspicious. Most of my family use middle names or diminutives or both. Elizabeth Mary is known as Libby, Caroline Louise is known as Louisa Elizabeth Marguerite is known as Daisy, etc.

My friends grandmother is randomly known as Harry. She’s not a Harriet even.

I don't think it's bizarre. Lots of reasons on here why it might be legit. Names change too as you cross borders (I have been known by different names in the past for simplicity in different languages).

It could be a red flag, but I would check.

I knew a guy who lied about where he came from. He was actually a really nice guy, but his country had a really bad reputation in the one we were in (wasn’t the UK). It wasn’t a history I knew anything about, but his life was far more difficult if people knew where he was from.