To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

*origin home

It depends where he is from.

I call myself Pakistani as its simple, when in reality I’m Balti but most people haven’t heard of that (apart from the food), so its just easier. I changed my name a few years ago, but I have been using my new name since I turned 17. So my old name was for example John Smith but I would tell people I’m Dave Smith as thats what I was known as. Lots of nationalities use an Anglofied name in the UK rather than their legal one.

Just ask and see what he says.

There might be an immigration element to this.

I've known several people in the past who are of South American nationality but their heritage is European (ie think from Colombia but with Spanish heritage and a Spanish name) claiming to be from Europe because they have overstayed or are in the UK illegally. It may be that they had a parent or grandparent from Europe but they don't actually have European nationality.

Not necessarily a red flag in the way you mean it but indicative that disclosing their nationality might be problematic.

That's possibly something to watch out for as well.

As a general rule though I agree: lots of inconsistencies like this are something to indicate that you should take care.

Myself and some of my friends use fake names on Facebook. We don't lie about our nationalities though and everyone in our circle knows we are delibrately using fake names.

We have other social media accounts in both names. Again those who know us know this.

Part of the reason is that lots of us do roles that need social media accounts but there is some stuff we don't want to share with the public.

Talk to him to find out why he's uses a different name and nationality.

[quote readingismycardio]@kerryleigh I'm not Romanian myself but how can a WHOLE region of people be "complicated"? A bit discriminatory, eh?[/quote]
Northern Ireland is complicated, the Baltic states are complicated, Kurdish homelands are complicated. If you aren’t familiar, you aren’t familiar, but surely the concept at least is recognisable?

@SimonJT

It depends where he is from.

I call myself Pakistani as its simple, when in reality I’m Balti but most people haven’t heard of that (apart from the food), so its just easier. I changed my name a few years ago, but I have been using my new name since I turned 17. So my old name was for example John Smith but I would tell people I’m Dave Smith as thats what I was known as. Lots of nationalities use an Anglofied name in the UK rather than their legal one.

Just ask and see what he says.

I know what you mean SimonJT.

I sometimes refer to myself as Indian, just for ease, but that’s mostly to non-Asian people who ask where I’m from. In reality, I was born in London, have lived here all my life, my parents were both born in Kenya and so were my grandparents. My great-grandparents were Indian and moved to Kenya after they married, in the early 1900’s. I don’t even have any family left in India anymore!

@readingismycardio
We are very nice people, I never said otherwise, but I have friends which I know with Romanian names and their family or other friends calls them by their Hungarian name.
Some would choose to say they are Hungarians and there's nothing wrong with that

All of my public details on FB are made up. Name, job, are, nationality. Everything.

They have my phone number, but it isn't searchable.

Loads of people have every day names that aren't official.

Thanks for all the advice.

I guess it could be a border, territory etc issue but after googling I don’t think there is one.

Regarding the name, again I googled and the real name doesn’t seem to be a nickname or have any relation to the originally name he used. I will google this a bit more though.

His Facebook friends list is friends all of the same real nationality. None at all of the original possible-pretend nationality. Multiple check ins (although a long time ago) in the apparent real country (this is confusing to write haha sorry). Also all comments on photos are in the real language.

I guess of course there could still be reasonable explanations for the above as suggested but it’s not looking likely really!

I will talk to him but, stupidly, I feel a bit shy I don’t want to embarrass him! But, I will most definitely speak to him regardless.

Oh also his university is listed as the real country and also his school etc.

It's something to ask about for sure, but it may be that he has fake details on his Facebook to try and keep his profile hidden from casual searches. It's not unusual to do that.

I've cross posted. Ok from what you are now saying it does look a bit more concerning. Sorry.

Huge red flag. The hills are that way.

It’s such a shame as he seemed so great. Oh well!

Oh and in answer to an earlier question, he is not Romanian or Hungarian. Well, I don’t think so but who knows now haha.

But why bother googling trying to find out if his two names could be linked?
I knew a man called Mike, for 3 years, not besties, but good friends. One day, we were in a group conversation about people’s internet names (we met on a cycling forum originally). I said, “at least with Mike, we know it’s Mike”. And he said - it’s not actually, I’m Steven! Some family joke from 20 years ago, and he still uses Mike. He doesn’t use fb, but he’s Steven on LinkedIn - but we never connected there.

Just ASK 🤷🏻‍♀️

I will speak to him, I’ve said that. But I was just intrigued to see what other peoples thoughts were really.,

If he had just not mentioned it at all OP what would you think?

I am ashamed of this country given Brexit and having Mr Johnson as leader and do my utmost when abroad to never speak in English so my nationality is not found out. I don't deny it if asked though.

How do you know he’s “obviously not that nationality”? I have dual nationality. When people here in the US here me speak they would never think that I am an American. But I am. By Naturalisation due to being married to an American and having lived here for the required period of time. I didn’t go to school here or university. He could have naturalized too.

Hmm he’s given you a fake name and went to great lengths to pretend he’s from a different country.

I’m from a country with a bad reputation. Sometimes, when confronted by an obvious Britain First type racist who tries to ask where I’m from, I am vague because I don’t need the aggravation and leave the conversation. But I am who I am, and would never lie to a potential partner, a colleague or even a random normal person I’ve just met. That’s weird.

Personally, I would run for the hills. Don’t get tied up in his lies and whatever drama he’s about to create.

Just ASK. We are all multiple nationalities, even with countries that do not on paper recognise other nationalities. We also have French names and Chinese names....they don’t even sound the same. As the poster said above, this is also common in UK to anglicise foreign names.

Even if it were not immigration related, I know many people who go by their middle name but have their legal first name on linked in.

It’s not a red flag because you don’t actually know if he is lying yet.

If he's from the Balkans or Armenia, totally and utterly let it go.
Kosovans identify as Albanian Kosovan and wave the Albanian flag, for example. Armenians come from everywhere but Armenia itself. The Armenian diaspora is far-reaching. Armenians are proudly Armenian even though many come from Cyprus, Russia, Bulgaria, etc. My father came from Poland but was an Eastern European German (it's what it was called in his day- no longer the case), so he was 'German', even his German people had come from the Volga region of Russia going back and he was born and raised in Poland.
Maybe the guy you're dating is 'Swedish' or a Swedish National from Albania, Nigeria, etc. for example.
I'm an American, but often I identify as British, having lived here for 25 years. I became a British citizen. Could it be something like that?

Here's the dark side for example: I met a guy, a patient where I worked, who was from Slovakia and his name was Ondrej. I went on a couple of dates with him. He was alright. My hackles were up. My grandmother came from Czechoslovakia and he didn't seem Slovak, but what do I know? Anyway, third date, he came clean. He gave me his real name. He was a Georgian from Tiblisi. He volunteered this info. He had paid for a fake passport and the rest. I didn't date him after that. It was all too shady. I'd known several Georgians here in the UK. My BIL works for the World Church and knows many families from Tbilisi who live here in the UK. Why would this guy go to such lengths to be in this country illegally? I didn't want to step inside all of that. I also had to deregister him as an NHS patient, which was morally hard to do, but the rules are the rules.

Maybe he born in the country he told you about but raised in the Facebook one?? Could be loads of reasons tbh

Depends how he reacts when you bring it up. If he has a genuine reason/explanation and isn't defensive then that could be ok I guess.

If he's defensive,or minimises it,or makes you feel bad for questioning it etc. leave it and him. Not worth the hassle,worry and possible aftermath of his lying.

As an aside, for a long time I used a different name/nickname that has nothing to do with my real name. When I moved here I kept using it as it was easier to remember/say and it helped make me fit in. My fb profile is a mix of this and a nickname for my real name. Bar work,official documents/meetings people still call me by my nickname(like OH,the school mums,my friends). When someone asks about the discrepancy (as we get closer it becomes obvious) i just explain and they have a choice what to call me.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that

that's all we want to know now 🤣