To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

I'm dead curious to know where he's from.

I know of a man called Marian who is from Romania but used to tell women he was from Italy. I wouldn't be surprised if he used a different name either! His rationale for lying about his home country was because women would assume he was Roma and wouldn't want to date him. Very sad really :(

Fro experience lying on any level no matter how trivial is a red flag. I dismissed little meaningless lies, mainly because I didn’t see a point in them, but little lies turn into big lies that can destroy people.

This happened to me once. Guy told me he was Italian. Turned out he was Iranian. He'd lied about all sorts of other stuff. Eventually he disappeared when he knew I was onto him with £300 I'd lent him. Turned out he'd borrowed money from several others too. None of us saw him or the money again.

It might be innocent but it's not a great sign.

@ClareBlue

With out doubt he is from Transnistria but is pretending to be Moldovan. Who could point out Transnistria on a map? There is the answer. Either that, or he is from Macedonia and his Nationality actually did change during dating him and he thought he was Greek anyway. And I can tell you from experience Tirana is one of the friendliest cities in Europe and safe too. And so inexpensive you can not spend your money.

This has me laughing! Of all the nationalities it could be, you’ve declared Moldovan without doubt?

I dated a man from Afghanistan once he told me he was Italian. I worked it out very quickly. I think many people do it, I don’t understand why they would want to date someone who might be discriminatory about there county of origin though.

I have lived most of my life in the UK, was born elsewhere, and my family origins are from a whole bunch of other places. I am of an ethnicity which whilst associated with a few regions, is not specific to any of them. Depending on the context, time available, how much patience I have for explaining, or just what happens to spring to mind when asked, I might give any, some or all of these in answer to the question ‘where are you from?’. They are all true. Not everyone can answer that question easily and it gets pretty tiresome explaining it, particularly when most people who ask don’t really care and are just making conversation.

And I also have more than one name!

Wtf! Surely dating a patient is really not the done thing.

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

Wtf! Surely dating a patient is really not the done thing.

That is one hell of a red flag

Here's the dark side for example: I met a guy, a patient where I worked, who was from Slovakia and his name was Ondrej. I went on a couple of dates with him. He was alright. My hackles were up. My grandmother came from Czechoslovakia and he didn't seem Slovak, but what do I know? Anyway, third date, he came clean. He gave me his real name. He was a Georgian from Tiblisi. He volunteered this info. He had paid for a fake passport and the rest. I didn't date him after that. It was all too shady. I'd known several Georgians here in the UK. My BIL works for the World Church and knows many families from Tbilisi who live here in the UK. Why would this guy go to such lengths to be in this country illegally? I didn't want to step inside all of that. I also had to deregister him as an NHS patient, which was morally hard to do, but the rules are the rules.

I don’t understand this either. Did you use information he told you in confidence because you were dating to de-register him @TheVanguardSix ?

You don’t work in immigration or know his case so how can you possibly know his reason for coming to the UK with false papers, maybe he was a refugee from Georgia? Did you follow protocol? ?

@ClareBlue

With out doubt he is from Transnistria but is pretending to be Moldovan. Who could point out Transnistria on a map? There is the answer. Either that, or he is from Macedonia and his Nationality actually did change during dating him and he thought he was Greek anyway. And I can tell you from experience Tirana is one of the friendliest cities in Europe and safe too. And so inexpensive you can not spend your money.

Just seen Borat have we? Great response 😁😁

@AibuTellMe

I have Welsh friends that go by their middle names unsure if that's a thing or just the family I know as they all have the same first name

Yes, it's quite common. I've had English people tell me it was done a lot more in England a generation or two age as well so it might just be an old fashioned thing. At school there were quite a few boys with John as a first name so they used their middle name. Seems to be more common with males as well.

I feel sometimes left out because I have no middle name😂

Also. I am glad I am not the only one who thought dating patients was odd.👀 I did think it wasn't their direct one though. Does it make difference if it's in a ho surgery, rather than direct?

I have an ex who was born in one country but could count a couple of countries as also his nationality in terms of how borders were made/families spread out due to this. I also agree re the Transylvanian comments, I lived there for a while and every one I knew was a mixture of Hungarian, Romanian, and German. I also have a lot of family members who use their middle names instead of first names, and equally my ex’s family often have “English” names but also use their own names interchangeably. Sometimes things are more complicated than we first realise. However. If you feel he’s lying to deceive then that’s a different matter, and you’re entitled to not want to get involved.

If he's lying about being British/American, I don't really blame him.

" I've never really thought of them having a bad reputation tbh"

I know of someone of Albanian origin who was asked to 'deal with' someone they don't like. That's what some people think of Albanians.

Nigeria was the country that came to mind though. They are sometimes associated (not by me, I'm just reporting) with scamming and corruption and I think it would make a difference to say another African country.

I also think Russia is unpopular at the moment and I can imagine someone pretending to be a Russian-speaking Ukranian or something.

I am glad I am not the only one who thought dating patients was odd.👀 I did think it wasn't their direct one though. Does it make difference if it's in a ho surgery, rather than direct?

Ho surgery?

😂oh my... Well, that's probably where dating patients is required.
In a GP surgery however 🙈

Does he have dual, or more nationality? It may not be a lie.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I've spent half my life living in a north-eastern town and that is where I say I'm from if someone asks, but I wasn't actually born there. Could it be something like that?

One thing popped into my mind. You don't have to leave UK jurisdiction to find people born on the Island of Ireland (and forebears for possibly for thousands of years) who are are of another nationality. In Northern Ireland you find people who have only either Irish and British nationality. Or both.

All three scenarios are correct. Nobody has to wander off to the east of Europe or into the old USSR to look for an example.

either Irish OR British nationality...

Wow, big red flag. If the country is romania I can understand why he would ''allow'' you to assume while he glossed over the facts but he actually got out a map and actively lied. That is bizarre. What does he think will happen if he ever has a relationship that lasts? Is he assuming that all relationships are short term? Is he assuming that he owes nobody the truth? In the context of a relationship that's a big red flag. I know you only just met him, but he didnt just allow you to assume, he pointed to a different country on a map