To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

Pakistan/Afghanistan? A lot of Afghans live in Pakistan mostly Peshawar etc. But I know a lot of afghans who call themselves Pakistani because they was raised in Pakistan etc

Not good to lie but I always tick 'white British' on forms as it's the easiest one to find and usually at the top when i should tick 'mixed other'.

I have Welsh friends that go by their middle names unsure if that's a thing or just the family I know as they all have the same first name

It really does matter where he comes from to be honest, just in terms of understanding why he may have lied.
I don't want to give examples but there are many across the world in addition to those already posted. I would guess that half of all countries have a 'better' counterpart!
I work with a lot of people who change their names to be more anglicised which is a real shame as many have beautiful (Asian or Arabic) names but feel they need to change them to 'fit in'.
Some change their ethnicity or background for the same reasons and while I understand it, it's awful they feel that they need to do that as certainly in our industry it doesn't make a difference.
The reality is people are discriminated against for so many things relating to heritage, race and religion and a name can sometimes put them in the midst of that shit so I can't blame them for trying to mitigate that.
Even writing this makes me feel horrible that it is an actual thing in this country and age but it is undeniable in my opinion and I wouldn't discount someone who felt they had to do this. But it is important to know why before you disregard a relationship that may have otherwise been a gooer!

Is his real name the one people here "just can't learn" so he is using some different one? I knew few Chinese girls who did this and many Eastern Europeans who use English-y version if possible. I don't have it so I get my simple name fucked up.

It's hard to say without knowing nationalities. It can be something innocent as pps said or sinister. Who knows. Certain areas were splitting up not so long ago so you can easily have people with x nationality and identifying as such, but grew up and lived in Y country.

How about researching the “pretend country” on Google images and suchlike, places, the food, the culture, musicians, tv programmes, bands, major attractions and ask him about them?

“Oh, I have always wanted to try gazpacho / visit Sechesyi hot baths / Postojna cave complex / Berlin zoo / Zadar old town / what’s it really like?”.....and did you enjoy the xyz nearby? etc
“I read that the abc is really good, what did you think?”

My facebook has a false surname and says I'm from Budapest. But really I'm scottish. Also I'm male on there. Because fuck facebook.

Talk to him about it.

Is he a migrant or are his parents migrants?

I’m a migrant and it’s common for migrants and even the next few generations to call themselves one nationality whilst holding another (or both). There are also lots of people who have been in this country for generations but describe themselves with reference to their cultural heritage even if they’ve never been there.

Ethnic backgrounds can be complex.

Firstly I have a large handful of friends on fb with fake names due to work purposes. 2 are police officers and others re just keeping low key from employer searches. One has a fake name as they re nc with their family.

And saying you can be born in another country but have lived most of your life somewhere else but consider yourself from the country of birth.

Some people can be extremely sensitive about nationality, so for instance if he was from a area that's had a history of conflicts and moving borders due to wars/conquest etc (eg calling himself Palestinian while living in Israel). That wouldn't necessarily worry me, depending the context.

I bet he's Albanian. My husband is a Kosovar Albanian, it can be confusing.
Please tell us the nationality, I'm so nosy!

I would just send him the screen shot of his profile and be like hey is this you? It’s just come up in my suggestions but obv the name is different and it the profile says they are from ? Like casual more as if you think it’s a fake profile kinda thing and see if he’s breezy about his reply like oh yeh this is why...

Sounds strange to me and I wouldn’t want to spend time with someone who’s name I don’t even know, it’s abit dangerous isn’t it.
Logically anytime I’m in the early stages of dating I let A friend know where I’m going, the mans name and his phone number like just incase. Can’t be too careful xx

My background is complicated, and I can legitimately identify lots of different ways.

I also use slightly different details on social media. It's precisely to avoid dates stalking me in this way! If anyone sent me a screenshot of my social media and challenged it, I would find that a red flag.

If we don't know each other that well, and I don't owe you anything, let alone my whole history and/or details of my friends. You have to earn that level of trust.

I'm Irish and Scots. Everyone thinks I am lying.

Seriously just talk to him. He may not really have lied, or he may have lied because he had some sort of legitimate concern. Or maybe he lied because he's a prick. You won't know unless you talk to him.

He's an American pretending to be Canadian right?

Ask him! (and, yes, I ‘lie’ / omit the truth about my ethnicity)

@makingmammaries - is your post as shockingly racist as it appears or am I misreading your post?

Lots of people use a made up bame on facebook for privacy, like teachers, so they cant be searches by students.
Also in some cultures its normal to call people by one of their middle names instead of their first name. And in spanish speaking cultures they have two surnames but may only use one in countries where one is normal.
Also in many countries there are groups of people from different nationalities living there and historically the land may have been disputed. Sooo....it depends if these cultural issues are relevant or if he's just a big liar.

*names not bame!

It’s weird he’d lie as he must know that if you date for a significant amount of time that you’d end up friends on Facebook. I suppose the question is whether he sees you and him as long term, or just something fleeting whereby you’ll never end up Facebook friends and he can get away with lying.

i'm struggling to think of any nationality which has such a terrible reputation that it either derail the thread or justify lying

Depends on whether you’re thinking of a reputation that would go down badly with someone from the U.K. There are countless inter country rivalries and stigmas we know nothing about. The Germans give not a toss about beating us in football: they care about beating the Dutch. Many Ethnic Hungarian Slovaks are resident in Slovakia and carry Slovakian nationality and documents, yet would be deeply offended if you suggested they were Slovak rather than Hungarian.

Not all the world is England.

Did he lie about his name? I have a very adapted FB name to stop my students looking for me. It incorporates nicknames for my maiden and surname and also tweaks my first name.

as pp have said- there are laods of perfectly reasonable explanations.

In my own history- my DGM was Russian. She called herself Russian. She was actually from Odessa, which is currently in Ukrainian territory. But she would never call herself Ukrainian. Because she was not.

Same as with Lviv/Lvov. At various points in time it has been a part of a whole range of countries.