To think lying about nationality is a red flag?

[Ribrabrob]

Newly dating somebody. He told me he was a certain nationality - even showed me on the map where he was from. He happened to come up on my suggested friends on Facebook (guess maybe our phones linked) and naturally I took a look at his profile. Different first name and he’s quite clearly a different nationality to what he told me.

Now the nationality he actually is, sadly has a bit of a negative reputation and so I can kind of understand why he would lie (don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he shouldn’t be proud of where he is from, but I can just see where he is perhaps coming from with lying). The nationality he told me actually is is probably quite similar in their culture, way of life etc.

I won’t be disclosing the nationalities as I don’t want to make this thread about that - what concerns me is the lying. Aibu to see this as a red flag and get rid? Would I be silly to continue? After all, what else could he lie about? Obviously I will talk to him but want to know if I’d be silly continuing see him.

Shame as he ticks all the other boxes of what I’m looking for and want and we seem (seemed?) very much on the same page in relation to goals etc.

My Uncle was known his whole working life as Harry - his name was Frank. And almost all of my Grandfather's siblings were known by their middle names, and his mother has all kind of variations on her name on official documents as she was always known by her middle name not her first (so people got it wrong).

His ethnicity and nationality might be two different countries. That is very common. Him lying about his name is a red flag though.

i knew iranians who wouldnt admit they were iranian.
id see what he says but yes, id be wary if the fb page is a current one- hes keeping an extraordinary amount of basic information from you.

I bet the country your talking about is albania. They all say their italian or Greek including my ex.

Is one in the EU and one not?

It's not English, is it?!

I'm so ashamed to be English right now, and have been for some years now, that if I ever go abroad again I'm going to be Scottish or Welsh, if I'm asked. (Due to where I grew up I could pass for either and have regularly been mistaken for one or the other. Even with my rather rusty spoken foreign languages, I've been mistaken for several other nationalities in the past as well, and if that happens again I don't think I'd correct the assumption.)

For the name thing, I have had two male bosses who in their personal and professional lives go by a completely different name to one they were born with. I have also worked with several Muslim men whose real name is Mohammed but they go by something else.

I would be wary. I know of two similar cases of men lying about basic information.

1 had fake name, fake nationality, fake unmarried status, fake lack of children.

1 had fake name, right nationality, fake unmarried status, fake lack of children, fake lack of criminal record.

In both cases the women continued the relationships. One woman faced DV and has been bled dry and come out with mental health issues. The other woman involved with the ex-con has been very happy and they were getting married this summer after finally sorting out his divorce and getting custody of his children.

A little bit of a red flag tbh. Although saying that I do know people of the muslim culture who use different names to their "legal name"
Is the nationality close to the one he told you, or totally different. Could it be like someone saying their British when they was born overseas? (not that there's anything wrong with that, they could identify with either nationality)

I don’t understand why you can’t mention the nationality. People here might be able to give you potential reasons as to why he would say something different.

i'm struggling to think of any nationality which has such a terrible reputation that it either derail the thread or justify lying

Really? Even though the automatic assumption of most, before the OP said it wasn't was that he was Romanian?

@BaileyBailu Iraq has only been a shit hole since we and the US bombed the fuck out of it.

I’m guessing you’re not a Classicist.

Just to add, years ago when I was a student our block of flats had a lot of postgrad PGCE students from Hong Kong, and many of them had both an anglicised first name (think "Jane") and their birth name (think "Bao", for instance). It depended on the circumstance as to which name they used.

People like @BaileyBailu are exactly why some people don’t feel safe making their nationality public knowledge.

I’m very prejudiced against Americans just now. The fuckers who voted for him last time may have done it for shits and giggles; if they vote for him this time they’re despicable. I can see why an American might claim to be Canadian.

Brits are despised in former colonies. As I said in a PP, I have an Irish passport for this very reason, although I haven’t visited my family in Ireland for 26 years.

It's not Dave Smith who is really called
John Smith is it?
Says he's from Pakistan but in reality he's from from Balti?

If so he's just 'outed' himself earlier on this thread!

Yeah I think speaking to him about it is the best way to go about it. If he's evasive or seems uncomfortable at being asked then it could be a red flag.
But it's not necessarily dodgy. My nationality, which is what I say I am when someone asks, is completely different to the country I actually lived in from the age of 11 onwards. If you looked at my Facebook most of my pics would be from that country, not the country I'm originally from.
The different name could be a concern but again no way of knowing what that's about unless you ask him.

I think unless you've lived in a place where your country or ethnic background is reviled you aren't in a place to judge a person who lies about where they are from.

I have met Albanians who say they are from almost any other country in Eastern Europe so they don't get the assumptions that they are drug dealing criminals. I've met Americans in North Africa who say they are Canadian to avoid anti American sentiment.
I have also met a man who said he was french when he was Algerian because he was here on fake papers. I don't judge people who flout immigration law to be honest, but I can see why some would find that a deal breaker.

My partner used one name online but a Google revealed a different one. Turns out he just prefers to use his middle name but his first name does appear in a lot of places. I also used my middle name for dating until I met someone in person. My partner is also a mix of several nationalities so there could have been confusion there too. 2 years later we are happy together so these things aren't always red flags.

Also I use a different name to my "proper" one on my birth certificate as it's difficult for English speakers to pronounce and I can't bear to listen to people struggling to say it multiple times and butchering it. So it could the that.

[quote readingismycardio]@kerryleigh I'm not Romanian myself but how can a WHOLE region of people be "complicated"? A bit discriminatory, eh?[/quote]
It’s not just Romanian/Hungarian either that’s complicated. Us Hungarians/Slovaks have the same issue 😂 And it is mainly the south region of Slovakia that’s affected where most Hungarians still live. Hasn’t always been fun, I can tell you.

I'm guessing he's Arabic and pretending to be from a European Med country?

I have lots of friends who use completely random names on Facebook for work purposes. Just ask him.

@PleasantVille

i'm struggling to think of any nationality which has such a terrible reputation that it either derail the thread or justify lying

Really? Even though the automatic assumption of most, before the OP said it wasn't was that he was Romanian?

Very good point actually.