To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

@2020iscancelled

I don’t understand this “I never go anywhere or do anything”

So your life is literally within the 4 walls of your house and the school run?

Is that all your life will ever be? Do you not hope to one day do things outside of the house?

Money doesn’t have to be an issue, there are free galleries, museums, heritage buildings, libraries, parks, walks....

I’m missing the point here I know, bc you’re saying having clothes is pointless because you effectively don’t need them due to living in a box

I’m sorry but I can’t get over “I never ever ever ever do anything so I might as well live in dirty leggings 7 days a week”

Get a pair or jeans, a snuggly decent winter jumper, some comfy flat boots and a nice bag or something...

Off topic but you mention free galleries, museums and heritage buildings. Where I live there’s no free galleries/museums and heritage buildings are a good drive away (and cost money).

If I didn’t have a car right now my closest play park has ONE swing or I have to walk for nearly an hour. I live in a town, quite centrally but it’s not child friendly. But I can go for a food shop.

Back on topic, OP I’m in a very similar situation as you and honestly go for it. I live in comfies, between night work, uni and my toddler there’s no point getting dressed up. But recently bought myself some better quality comfies and honestly it makes a world of difference just wearing new clothes at this point 😅

Op you're so like me. The only clothes I spend money on are decent hiking stuff (not boots though, whatever I do they hurt my right outside ankle bone) and I've got other clothes I've had since I was 16 (I'm 39). Never wear make up, don't think about clothes, can dress up a bit if required but largely wear what I like (colourful dungarees, retro unfashionable stuff from charity shops and DMs). I don't have the sort of friends or life where I'd get dressed up and go out for Prosecco or whatever I assume these dressing/stylist things are aimed at.

MIL paid for me to have make up done once, with a budget for buying stuff. It was such a waste. I don't colour myself in. If somebody wanted to spend £500 there are loads of better ways to do it! A ride on a vintage steam train and some retro roller skates is more my kind of gift.

MIL said of course, get what ever I like

Sometimes you know, people can overthink situations!!!

Bras! Doesn't matter who sees them. Well-fitting bras make such a difference to your day.

Walking boots - also a good idea. Something worth investing in.

And who doesn't love a cozy dressing gown? You could really push the boat out and get two: a heavyweight winter one and a light summer one.

I think this is lovely, maybe she feels an updated wardrobe might lift you a bit and give you more confidence

I get you want to wear sloppy clothes all the time,because they are comfortable and don't need much care.
But come on op!you can opt for some nice jeans,sweaters and warm jackets,boots.
Do you not think you need to show your dc some self respect,are they going to find going out with you an embarrassment if you have let yourself slide to the extent you suggest?
Do you not want to look nice for yourself and perhaps your dh?
If not,why not?
Can you accept this incredibly generous gift with good grace and opt for smart casual?
You can keep your old(present) clothes for doing the dirty jobs.
You might find,with a hair style and a new wardrobe,you want to go out and live life before it passes you by.
There must be a reason they chose this gift,are they kindly trying to help you?
Take this opportunity and run with it and go out and have some fun!

My wife went and bought an Issey Miyake dress that was expensive on the guidance of similar service. She does not do clothes just like you. Not interested. She has worn that dress however so many times, in so many ways and it is easy to care for, looks great. A lovely gift. Buy something that lasts!

Sounds like it's not the right time, I wouldn't want to do this when pregnant as you haven't got your normal body. I would see if you can postpone it and use it after you've had the baby, got yourself together. I think it would be a great opportunity to start making friends and getting out more to wear your new clothes after the baby. Wearing them to baby groups, Nct meet ups and things like that, it would be a good way to find yourself again.

I found after baby 2 I really lost my way, had no time for myself, put on lots of weight, didn't know what clothes, makeup I liked anymore and so made some terrible clothes choices. I stopped making any effort after being the person who wouldn't go out without makeup on and dressed nicely.

It could be just the push you need to get your life back in a few months time.

It's a nice thought but I would have much preferred a gift card. She could have got something like Love2shop or Selfridges/John Lewis so you could choose what you want, rather than be limited to clothes.

@studychick81 I don’t go out like this - my Dc don’t see me going out like a slob. It’s purely at home (unless we are going out to traipse about and get muddy).

I do get my hair done regularly and style it everyday - I’m not an awful, dirty slob! I don’t wear makeup as I have really good skin, I’ve never really needed to wear it. I do appreciate that people are picturing Waynetta Slob off the back of this thread though!

This is my life by the way - I don’t need to get anything back. My OP did sound like I was moaning about it I guess but I like being at home, always have done, apart from when we go travelling. It’s not a case of being in the house because of children, I’ve always been this way. Being at home With the children and just in the house/garden/in my greenhouse in general makes me happy.

@studychick81 my baby is 8 weeks old, sorry I should have put in the OP that she was already here! I didn’t gain any weight in pregnancy (due to being so sick and being overweight anyway) was back to normal shape/size v quick.

@WankPuffins glad your MIL said to get what you want, walking boots etc..

Enjoy your guilt free shopping with someone to do the running around for you. Remember to report your haul back on here

@WankPuffins

I spoke to my MIL.

So, the stylist just wanted to know what brands/shops I like to get an idea of me, styles, budgets (along with clothes size, if I need work or leisure clothes etc).

I’ve given MIL dates where Dh can take a few hours off in the afternoon to look after the baby, and she will get the stylist to book me in. The wardrobe shop/declutter is an extra - I don’t need that so there will be more money for clothes.

She asked for brands but the stylist will put ideas together for me after we’ve spoken from a range of places, she has discount codes for a few brands.

MIL said of course, get what ever I like. She even suggested a new pair of walking boots as I moan about mine being uncomfortable and said she was thinking of getting me a new dressing gown for Christmas (mine got ruined in hospital), so this was o could choose my own

So I will go for it. I’ll tell the stylist exactly what I’m looking for, comfortable, practical clothes and walking stuff and go from there.

Sounds great. I hope you have a really nice time.

It will be odd though as it’s not face to face as it would be. She’s doing it all through FaceTime and online shopping. It will be good to get ideas and opinions from someone else though.

It sounds like a lovely and thoughtful gift. You can get nicer casual wear. Maybe expensive yoga trousers and sweaters, washable but nice to make you feel a bit better dressed?

Any stylist worth their salt will listen to you and target their suggestions appropriately.

You tell her a version of what you've told us. You don't go out much, you've no need for occasion wear, you're mostly at home and want to feel comfortable.

Hey job is then to find stuff for YOU, and not for herself or any fashionistas.

I went to John Lewis for something similar but about revamping my living room. The stylist listened really carefully. Didn't inflict her ideas or anyone else's, but really listened to me saying that I didn't want flash..I wanted comfort, a bit of colour, and nothing expensive. She did a fabulous job of finding things to suit my brief without spending much money. It was actually a lovely session.

So stop over-thinking. It's your money to spend on what you will wear. The stylist will want to please you. She's not going to suggest stuff you'll hate or not wear.

A really warm, waterproof and practical coat, a pair of comfy flat boots and some underwear or pyjamas could easily account for £500.

Quality clothes feel so much nicer, and wash and wear better, than cheap stuff, you'll probably love them.

And you deserve them - your a mum to two little ones with a very demanding and challenging job. Treat yourself to a really good version of the stuff you normally wear.

Ah ok, sorry I didn't mean to offend you, your first post did sound like you weren't content with your situation but I can see you are. I wasn't implying you were a slob, I just know when I had my second I felt I lost myself completely as it was all about the kids. It seems like it's different for you.

Could you use it to get some nice causal clothes that you can wear around the house?

@studychick81 you didn’t offend! Yes, I’ll get some nicer casual clothes.

Op is the £500 for the personal shopper to give you advice.... Or that's how much you can spend on clothes?

Op. I think the inlaws are trying to tell you something. Start putting yourself first, have some fun and get some decent oitfits. Doesn't it bother you that this makes you feel so uncomfortable?
The children will grow up one day and it would be so nice to redo your entire wardrobe with a fresh start. It sounds like you need it! Good luck op.

Just a nice paid of boots would be £200. Nice jumpers, jeans/Jeggins. All nice for long walks. You could spend that on only a few items. Lovely. Dreams.....

@BabyLlamaZen it’s not really about that - I do put myself first quite often, it wouldn’t be healthy not to. I just don’t see the point in having amazing clothes to sit in the house in (I’d be in the house most of the time if I didn’t have children, I like being at home) - I thought MIL would be offended if I just spent the money on more comfy clothes when Dh first told me.

@Laughingcrow sorry should have clarified - she wouldn’t tell us the exact amount they have paid. Dh said he reckoned £500 all in - but the actual budget for the clothes is £400

It must have cost them a lot more than £100 for the stylist so this is an amazing Gift. Hence why I was worried they would think I was taking the piss and think I was being wasteful buying comfortable clothes. Which is why I didn’t know if I should turn down the gift.

(Full disclaimer, I had some horrendous complications during pregnancy and honestly, I could have died during my section due to some
Internal issues and there were a few problems with the baby along the way which were really hard to deal with. MIL wants to treat me after an awful year).

So I’ll be asking advice on good walking boots, a proper coat that will last a long time - those will be the two main expenses but they will last me years. I want to make the most of the money and get things that I really like.

You can have amazing clothes for your lifestyle though.

I’m sorry you had such a rough time. 💐

I’m glad you’ve decided to let your MIL treat you.

Coat/boots/maybe a bag and lovely scarf too (I love bags and scarves, can you tell?? 😆😆)! Sounds perfect!