To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

What a brilliant gift! Tell the stylist your concerns and lifestyle and they should listen and pick appropriately. They could get you quality lasting pieces as your life won’t always be how it currently is

Get some really nice well made coats and shoes that will last forever - an investment.

It’s a very generous offer & I’m sure they are doing it with the best of intentions, but if someone was offering to spend a lot of money on me, I’d rather it was something I really wanted.
Like you, fashion is out the window for me, my wardrobe is entirely made up of comfy stuff, most of which is years old as unless something falls to pieces I don’t replace it. I would feel very uncomfortable with the idea of a personal shopper and would feel totally out of place.
Even if the personal shopper could recommend a nice coat & sturdy walking shoes that wouldn’t come close to £500 for me!

@WankPuffins hope you enjoy this gift.

I don’t think anyone else has mentioned it but as you have older children, you know with an 8wo that you have a couple of messy baby/toddler years ahead of you, with feeding, weaning, playing in the floor and picking up toys. So you are being practical because you know what to expect. But promise us that, when you get new stuff, you chuck out at least the equivalent number of holey old things so you don’t continue to keep stuff ‘for good.’

A few years back, an ex colleague of mine was on one of the morning tv shows getting a ‘new mum makeover’ and they put her in GHD hair, dangly earrings, little scarves, tight jeans and kitten heel boots for ‘coffee with the girls.’ I was watching it with one puky breastfeeder on me while my 2yo was potty tracing and I thought how impractical it was for her and her life (maybe I was projecting!) So as a previous poster said, get clothes for the life you live now, unashamedly comfortable, and use that money to get yourself an upgrade. I hope this turns into a lovely experience for you. But do throw away the old stuff!!

You can just get some really decent staples. Good t-shirts, trousers, things that make you feel good despite being casual or everyday.
It was our anniversary the other day we didn't go out like we usually would but I put a dress on and was surprised by how good it made me feel. Nothing dressy or extravagant just a nice dress. Try it. Unless there is something else you really want. As mothers we often never take the time to do something that makes us feel good. Give it a go, what have you got to lose? Be real with the person and let them know what you are looking for, any decent personal shopper will support you not try and dress you in ridiculous clothes that you will never wear

YANBU but I wonder if you should discuss your mental heath with a professional

Tell the personal shopper what you like and don't like and ask her to cater for your tastes. A winter coat, some warm boots etc. would be useful. It's a lovely gesture so use it the way you want it used.

I would definitely accept her kind offer.

You can work with the stylist and specify that you want comfortable casual and versatile clothes.

They should have a good idea about what colours styles and brands to try.

You don’t have to have high heeled shoes and business suits. You can have boots, well fitting jeans, casual but comfy practical trousers. If the colours all go well together it will make getting dressed and deciding what to wear easier and when you start receiving compliments it will boost your confidence and make you feel better.

I honk this is great advice x

I had a couple of free sessions with Debenhams personal shoppers and loved it. Like you, I live in comfy practical clothes and that's how I'm happy so when DD1 gave me 6 weeks notice (over Christmas!) that she was getting married I was panicking especially as I was at Uni and pretty broke at the time. The young woman that got the unenviable task was lovely. I explained I was pretty broke, we chatted about what I liked etc then she came back with one dress that I'd have picked out for myself and loads of things I'd never have looked at. I left with a Jasper Conran 60s style dress & fascinator that I would never have picked, both in the sale & with change from £30. I felt so good in the dress that I wore it for my graduation too & still have it. I'm also 5.11 and size 20/22 so not the easiest to fit!

I would accept the offer and say what you wear normally, I'm sure you can get some leggings and jumpers, coat, bag and shoes.

@Curioushorse

So I think it sounds like you really need this!

^^this

You deserve something nice. Get your husband to take you out, remind him of who he fell in love with, that you can look stunning. Remember if you don’t start with self love, who will? Give it a chance and surprise yourself!!!

Please take the offer and make sure you buy clothes that you will be comfortable in and suit your life.

YNBU but be kind to yourself.

I had something similar not long ago and the stylist was really lovely and sensitive to my needs. I got few nice tops and some flattering jeans and jeggings. I also got a pair of good trainers.
I'm pretty much either at work or running around after kids so not much point having glamorous dresses and she was really good about finding me the right clothes. You sound very down on yourself and., of course, new clothes aren't going to be a cure but they might be nice to wear. I think you should take it 😀

What about something from here if you're out walking?
https://acaioutdoorwear.com

Your description of yourself in your OP could be me (minus new baby and your gift problem).

Clothes don't interest or excite me at all, I just mention it so you know its not just you! This gift sounds like your MIL getting you something that she would love, and maybe she thinks you need a new wardrobe. My mum despairs at my wardrobe and has suggested a personal shopper before, but she loves to look nice and can't understand that I don't care. A personal shopper sounds like my idea of Hell.

That said, FatFace does nice comfy casual mum clothes, and good quality too.

Enjoy your experience, and don't feel guilty about the clothes you get (leave the tags on them, if they sit in your wardrobe unworn then sell them on or charity shop them, at least you tried!)

I would go and if you don’t like the stylists initial ideas give her some honest feedback work with her to get some clothes you will love and make you feel good.

A few years ago after a big weight loss I went to a personal shopper at Debenhams. I told her what I wanted. At the time for me it was comfortable, versatile clothes that I could dress up or down, flattering for my new shape, in bright spring colours. I knew what colours I suited as I had my colours done years ago. The first lot of clothes she brought were awful with lots of black and pale pastels and the rack looked like a jumble sale of old women’s clothes. I tried a couple of things on but some I absolutely detested and weren’t part of my brief. I felt quite rude being honest. She then listened went off and brought some more things most of which I loved and some were things I would never have even looked at or tried on myself. She also brought some more similar things. I loved my new clothes and bought more than I intended but really got my wear out of them, looked good and really felt good in them. After this it was much easier to go shopping for similar styles.

Enjoy you deserve it.

You absolutely deserve nice things. And if nothing else, save them and wear them when you are with your in-laws. The only thing unreasonable here is you running yourself down. It was a real strain for me to have good clothes after years of living in jeans and tee shirts, but...I have found that when I do go out, looking better makes me feel better. That said, I still live most of my life in jeans and tees, but when I look in my closet, I smile and think, "The jeans and tees are a choice! I have a CHOICE!

OP I’ve bounced from p2 to posting- it’s not about how you look necessarily but how you feel - one top end quality cashmere jumper could cost £500 and blow the budget, feel beautiful and last you a life time - money well spent/ invested and makes you feel soo snuggly - what’s not to love?

Replace all your clothes with slobby relaxed clothes, footwear, coat, pjs, bra, pants Tell her you’re aiming for comfort

I recon it would be a welcome break to dress someone down rather then dress them up.

Another one who thinks this is what you need! You sound down. I get wanting to be comfortable, but you say your clothes are old and ruined, you don’t have friends. I’m sure you talk to people at the toddler events. Why should you wear crummy clothes? I think you need a treat and your MIL sees this and wants to help you feel special! You could even get some nice active wear or something if you want to stay comfortable. It doesn’t have to be something you wouldn’t wear just nice/new versions of what you like?
I have a toddler too, but I’ve been making an effort and it actually improves my whole mood. Comfortable doesn’t have to mean old and ruined! I hope you’re ok and you can be kind to yourself and do something nice for yourself!!
This so reminds me of Queer Eye. The people are great people who are loved but can’t see that in themselves and need help and then feel better!

wankpuffins I just came on to say I'm the same as you, always with the kids/dog/pony and wear my clothes til they fall apart. They need to be practical, stand up to all sorts and be easy to wash.

When I was searching for an outfit for a family wedding I had a John Lewis personal shopping thing. That didn't work out as that particular store had no petite range and that's all that fits me so the guy tried but it was very frustrating.

Then for my sister's birthday I paid for me, my mum and sister to go to a style workshop thing. This was with a professional stylist who is a parent at our school. It was really interesting, but it being a big group I didn't get as much out of it as I'd hoped. However, I have since used the advice to get some nicer, but practical stuff and it makes me smile.

Both experiences made me very emotional, I get panicked if I go shopping and just feel like I'm totally out of my depth and incapable of looking good with everything I need to do day to day.

That said, if I had the money, now I know a bit more about how it works and that it's not all about high fashion, I'd book the stylist for a personal session like you are having in a heartbeat. I think now you have an idea of what you want out of it and you've spoken to your mil it really will be a positive and lovely thing.

I hope it goes well, and please do let us know how you get on.