To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

Cos has some really nice casual stuff.

Arket is also nice.

A couple of jumper dresses would be a good investment - no need to plan an outfit, and you can wear them over leggings if you have to/want to. Very comfortable and you’ll look put together without having to think about it!

I think you should accept this gift and treat yourself to stuff you know you will wear but that is nicer quality/ more luxurious. For example, a really lovely cozy hoodie or a practical down filled coat. Just ask the stylist to help you find sporty/ more outdoorsy type clothes. I agree there is no point in getting things you won't wear but there is plenty of higher end sports wear that you might enjoy.

maybe she's dropping hints you need to smarten up, I'd take the offer.

Please don’t go Rohan, I’m soon to embark on my eighth decade and it’s too old for me! You’ve had some great suggestions - Hush, Sweaty Betty, Cos, Arket, Uniqlo, are all good shouts.

What's wrong with Rohan? I think it's good quality.

I don't think they're dropping hints, I think they just want you to have nice clothes you like.

If you are looking for a new coat, loads of people on the S+B have mentioned Didrikson parkas.

Get some lovely casual clothing. Leggings, tunics, hoody, ugg boots and water proof coat. If theres any money left over get a nice branded black gilet.

Nothing wrong with Rohan if it’s your bag. I’ll just never be old enough for it.

You say Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out

So why not replace the really bad stuff you have with normal but new everyday stuff? There is not reason not to have new jeans and t shirts and a jumper, or a new coat for example. It seems pretty churlish to refuse.

I totally am/was/am you. About 3 years ago my mum took me to m and s and I protested away as they put together some mad stuff some not so mad. At the end they had me try on a very business like dress. I knew I couldn't get it, there was nowhere I'd ever ever wear it but I remember standing looking at myself like I was looking at a totally different person. I ended up with all nicer casual gear and buying some make up too and it definitely changed something. My clothes are back to my old rags, but I look after myself better and think of myself as more equal to the other mums now, whereas before I felt like a little girl trying to play grown up.

I agree, go for a new ‘everyday’ wardrobe. Jeans, tops, jumpers, boots. A couple of decent pair of boots and shoes can set you back £100-200 so that’s half the budget blown already. Factor in a better quality coat, jeans etc and the money will soon be spent.

You could use it for some decent leggings (the thick material ones) and some nice tops to go over. A coat and some boots.

It can be for whatever you're comfortable in. It sounds like a lovely gift and may be needed (from your description)

I hope you're able to accept the gift and enjoy OP

Ask for the money and just replace all your worn out clothes with new ones

But there is a point, because even if you just buy new leggings and a nice soft jumper , you WILL feel better when you wear them. Throw out to he old ones to go at way you have to wear them. Please do give it a go, you deserve it

My parents' standard gift to me has become 2/3/4 £50 notes in a card with the instruction "Spend it on something you don't need".

I suppose they thought I might spend it on jewellery or hairdresser or something like that. But that's not me.

One year I bought some cashmere jumpers. Oh, so soft and cosy and lovely. I don't save them for best, like I would had I bought them with my own money. I wear them any day and every day and anywhere.

One year I bought a huge waterproof down coat. I didn't need to worry about justifying the cost, or that I could just continue wearing jumper + fleece + raincoat.

One year, instead of buying cheap Ts and PJs from Primark, I bought really high quality cotton Ts and PJs from Lands End. So comfortable!

I wear these luxurious, high quality garments every day and they have become everyday luxuries.

If you want leggings and Ts and jumpers, then choose leggings and Ts and jumpers. Take the opportunity to discover the difference really good quality fabrics make. I thought wool was itchy and scratchy and hard to look after until I tried cashmere and merino.

Please be comfortable spending this gift on yourself. It's not about how others see you, you don't need to dress for them. It's an opportunity to be comfortable in nice clothes.

How about you ask for everything focus on comfortable and wash ability, and in terms of outfits

1. somethIng nice for xmas day (if you say you’ll be cooking and playing with kids on the floor you should end up with something practical but stylish and great to show MIL
2. Bras - properly fitted people will ask you about your weight loss and you’ll feel so much better. Rigby and Peller are a brand ..expensive ..but definitely work miracles. Bravissimo or M&S too
3. Some nice winter boots and leggings that you can use to walk into town etc maybe sweatty betty ? They do lovely jumpers too...
4. Outdoor gear, perhaps some lovely 4 way stretch trousers or a coat. You could get some technical wear..north face , Rab etc. Nice smart and up to date .

Think about the colours you like and what colours people say you look nice in. Perhaps a few bright colours or deep emerald greens depending on your colouring.

Things can definitely be comfortable and smart.

I voted YABU @WankPuffins but only because I think it sounds like you really deserve a treat. My DH bought me a red silk blouse (a size too small) when I had DC1 and I leaked milk ...and baby puke all over it made me feel worse!!
It sounds like you are feeling a lot of pressure (although well meaning) from MIL and SIL.
But it really does sound as if you need some new gear. It won't be a huge amount as £500 won't go that far really.
Is it that you feel its too soon after the birth?
I totally get your Trinny and S refs, that it would make you feel under scruitiny but the people who do these things are usually really nice.
I once had to get a dress for a wedding and the (high Stree) shop had an in house advisor. At first I just hoped she'd leave me alone but she was so kind and really really knew her stuff. Had me trying on stuff I would never have thought of. and I ended up buying a few extras that have lasted me for ages and were just perfect, so its always worth giving it a go I think, you might be pleasantly surprised. Good luck and I hope you get some nice things, it sounds like you could do with a treat.

@Dilbertian

My parents' standard gift to me has become 2/3/4 £50 notes in a card with the instruction "Spend it on something you don't need".

I suppose they thought I might spend it on jewellery or hairdresser or something like that. But that's not me.

One year I bought some cashmere jumpers. Oh, so soft and cosy and lovely. I don't save them for best, like I would had I bought them with my own money. I wear them any day and every day and anywhere.

One year I bought a huge waterproof down coat. I didn't need to worry about justifying the cost, or that I could just continue wearing jumper + fleece + raincoat.

One year, instead of buying cheap Ts and PJs from Primark, I bought really high quality cotton Ts and PJs from Lands End. So comfortable!

I wear these luxurious, high quality garments every day and they have become everyday luxuries.

If you want leggings and Ts and jumpers, then choose leggings and Ts and jumpers. Take the opportunity to discover the difference really good quality fabrics make. I thought wool was itchy and scratchy and hard to look after until I tried cashmere and merino.

Please be comfortable spending this gift on yourself. It's not about how others see you, you don't need to dress for them. It's an opportunity to be comfortable in nice clothes.

This.

The whole point of a stylist so that she’ll help you pick clothes you’ll actually wear. Do you tell her your lifestyle, your priorities and how you currently dress, she’s make sure you’re just as comfortable but in some nicer clothes.

Honestly it sounds like you really need this, and could really use it. It sounds like the voice of your depression telling you it’s not for you.

I haven't got any Rohan stuff, but if I needed that sort of clothing, I'd consider it. I think it's one of those brands that does certain colours that seem a bit 'old'.

I went into Seasalt the other day looking for something for my mum (in her 70s), and the stuff was a lot better than I expected. I'd dismissed it as being a bit more suitable for her age group but it's great quality, so I'll go there again.

I spoke to my MIL.

So, the stylist just wanted to know what brands/shops I like to get an idea of me, styles, budgets (along with clothes size, if I need work or leisure clothes etc).

I’ve given MIL dates where Dh can take a few hours off in the afternoon to look after the baby, and she will get the stylist to book me in. The wardrobe shop/declutter is an extra - I don’t need that so there will be more money for clothes.

She asked for brands but the stylist will put ideas together for me after we’ve spoken from a range of places, she has discount codes for a few brands.

MIL said of course, get what ever I like. She even suggested a new pair of walking boots as I moan about mine being uncomfortable and said she was thinking of getting me a new dressing gown for Christmas (mine got ruined in hospital), so this was o could choose my own

So I will go for it. I’ll tell the stylist exactly what I’m looking for, comfortable, practical clothes and walking stuff and go from there.

Omg 😮 I'd love this!
Enjoy it

Try to enjoy yourself and being 'pampered' .