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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDragon · 23/10/2020 10:29

[quote Aerielview]@TurquoiseDragon Even two babies' deaths from suffocation by a cat would make me wary of having a cat around my baby. Why would anyone risk their baby's life?
And my mother has a friend who was left blind for life after a cat urinated on her face while she was an infant in her pram.[/quote]
My point is that it's not something to get worked up about, and OP is already being sensible enough.

Disclaimer, I grew up around cats, so attitudes like the friend's wife are strange to me.

WankPuffins · 23/10/2020 10:30

@MitziK and we had to remove the flap on the covered tree tray as it blew his little mind, he could not work out how to get in and out, even though he can use a cat flap. Odd little thing.

WankPuffins · 23/10/2020 10:30

*litter not tree

aSofaNearYou · 23/10/2020 10:33

Eh? I would find it over dramatic if YOU were losing sleep about this, let alone some random woman that barely knows you. Other than keeping them out of the way at night, you really don't need to worry about your cats.

justilou1 · 23/10/2020 10:40

Does she even have kids, OP?

Mittens030869 · 23/10/2020 10:44

*My point is that it's not something to get worked up about, and OP is already being sensible enough.

Disclaimer, I grew up around cats, so attitudes like the friend's wife are strange to me.*

Same here. So many people have cats or dogs when they have a baby. As long as they supervise them properly, there really isn't an issue. Just shut the pets away when the baby is in the cot, it's hardly rocket science, is it?? Hmm

Aerielview · 23/10/2020 10:45

@TurquoiseDragon Disclaimer: I grew up around cats and dogs, and the views of most people on here, prioritising their pets over their children's safety, are strange to me.

frazzledasarock · 23/10/2020 10:54

We’ve got five cats, they tend to steer clear of babies when they’re noisy wailing things.
Our younger cats did realise that when youngest dc was weaning and we’d leave her with a snack they could bat it out of DC’s hand and race off with it same with toys. Didn’t hurt dc but they enjoyed the game.

I wouldn’t be re-homing family pets due to someone else’s anxieties. Your pets may well be fine around dc. Just ensure the baby isn’t closely supervised and not left alone with the animals.

CSIblonde · 23/10/2020 10:57

Ignore her. It's none of her business. She sounds like she has anxiety & it's now turned its focus on you for some reason. I don't see a stairgate stopping a cat tho,they can effortlessly jump 6ft high fences from a standing position. Is your cat very elderly? It will be fine, they might cuddle up next to a child for warmth but you can do a room check before every nap then close the door & other times you'll be around to supervise. Everyone i know has had cats,dogs or both with small children & had no incidents.

MitziK · 23/10/2020 11:09

[quote Aerielview]@TurquoiseDragon Even two babies' deaths from suffocation by a cat would make me wary of having a cat around my baby. Why would anyone risk their baby's life?
And my mother has a friend who was left blind for life after a cat urinated on her face while she was an infant in her pram.[/quote]
Men are known to kill babies. Best leave them as soon as you get pregnant. Just in case.

Babies die in car accidents. Best get a bus pass.

Babies die in cot deaths. Best get rid of cots and cosleep - oh, no, wait a minute, that's also a risk factor for some families.

Babies choke on food when weaning. Best keep them on bottles - oh, but...best BF forever - but if Mum is tired...

Life is full of risks. Two alleged cat incidents out of the billions of babies that have been born represents a ridiculously low risk compared to having their fathers in their lives. Or their mothers, for that matter.

TurquoiseDragon · 23/10/2020 11:11

[quote Aerielview]@TurquoiseDragon Disclaimer: I grew up around cats and dogs, and the views of most people on here, prioritising their pets over their children's safety, are strange to me.[/quote]
Nobody is prioritising the pets. They are saying, as I do, that the friend's wife is being over dramatic and can be ignored. Sensible supervision is all that's needed when dealing with cats.

SpaceOP · 23/10/2020 11:31

[quote Aerielview]@TurquoiseDragon Even two babies' deaths from suffocation by a cat would make me wary of having a cat around my baby. Why would anyone risk their baby's life?
And my mother has a friend who was left blind for life after a cat urinated on her face while she was an infant in her pram.[/quote]
Well n that case, I assume you don't get in cars, go on the road etc? Because these things definitely kill babies.

RLGGG · 23/10/2020 11:38

A short, simple reminder that its none of her business should suffice. Don't waste any time or energy. So rude and has massively over stepped the mark.

MootingMirror · 23/10/2020 11:41

This is the exact thing my SIL did when I was pregnant. We have a spaniel and she got inside our new pram when it was in our front room. I sent laughing emojis back and nothing else. Our dog and DS are BEST friends and would regularly snuggle up together. You need to be cautious of every animal and human that's ever around a baby but this woman needs to shut the fuck up, mind her own business and, potentially, be guillotined.

lioncitygirl · 23/10/2020 11:44

She sounds tedious. And a bit mad.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/10/2020 11:53

Oh for goodness sake at both her and some of the responses on here. As a quick point justifying rude intrusive commenting as "having to speak up if they are worried " is very much part of the problem. Why on earth is it ok for someone to be rude and intrusive base don their opinion with no knowledge of what the OP is doing to keep her baby safe ? Why does the commenters need to say something if they are worried trump the OP s feelings ?

My dm made a few comments about my then cat when ds1 was born. I had told her what we had put in place to keep ds1 safe . She kept making them so I made some ridiculous comment agreeing with her that I was worried the cat would shank ds1 when I wasn't looking. She told me not to be so ridiculous and replied right back at you. She stopped because she knew I'd had enough of the ridiculous comments.

Yes there is a risk with animals and babies but the OP has already said she has a plan. It's none of the womans business and frankly this belief in being the bigger person and ignoring it is what encourages the busy bodies and dramatists to believe their rude , intrusive and often totally baseless opinions are ok to share . Ergh why do people like this think this is ok?

Noitjustwontdo · 23/10/2020 11:58

Cats really don’t suffocate babies, it’s such an old wives tale. I imagine most cats could jump a stair gate though, just wanted to point that one out!

I watched a documentary a few months back on Netflix about babies and they said babies exposed to pets are actually healthier. Something to do with the bacteria from pet fur helping boost their immune system.

Ingridla · 23/10/2020 12:02

I'm going against the tide as I'm not keen on cats & the fact the cat has already 'made itself comfy haha' I'd be wary of it repeating its little misdemeanour. A stair gate isn't gonna stop a mog is it wants in.

Nonetheless this woman definitely overstepped the mark in sending you a lengthy message, losing sleep in a slightly ott, interfering more like.

I wouldn't be too comfortable personally with cats around a newborn. You do not know what an animal may do no matter what anyone says.

Aerielview · 23/10/2020 12:31

@Ingridla At last, a voice of common sense on this thread

LakieLady · 23/10/2020 12:33

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You've hot a gate on the nursery, which I'm not sure would keep a cat out but I'm sure you know your animals, but how are you going to keep them out the moses basket?
Can you still buy cat nets? Back in the days of big Silver Cross type prams, and people putting babies out in the garden in their prams for fresh air, you could get elasticated nets that went over the top of the pram to stop cats from sleeping on babies.

When my brother was born, we had a lovely cat who used to sleep in my bed with me. My DM put a cat net over the top of DB's cot, to stop said cat from snuggling up with DB while he was sleeping.

Thehop · 23/10/2020 12:34

I’m so laid back about the cat on our kids stuff now. Ignore her.

rorosemary · 23/10/2020 12:41

@ConorMasonsWife

She's bonkers!
Can I just say that I think that that picture of your child holding the cat is absolutely adorable!
SoupDragon · 23/10/2020 12:42

[quote Aerielview]@Ingridla At last, a voice of common sense on this thread[/quote]
Translation: At last someone who agrees with me.

frazzledasarock · 23/10/2020 12:55

Our cats enjoyed sleeping in the cot/cradle/car seat/pushchair before baby was born. But they’re never approached the baby items when baby was in them. I think they found her crying annoying and kept well away from baby till she was older and more useful.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 23/10/2020 13:27

Of course YANBU. Whether or not she's suffered a loss - sad though that would be and much as I'd sympathise if she had - it's still not an excuse for this behaviour. Plenty of people undergo appalling circumstances without going around issuing queenly rebukes to people they barely know.

As to the animal question, myth or no myth, responsible parents and pet owners have the basic common sense not to leave any animal unsupervised with a very young child. I'm sure OP is well aware of this. And yes I had a cat when DC was born and consistently put this into practice: it was very possible and almost instinctual.

I wouldn't respond. I have no time for this kind of nonsense and n more would I be wasting it in engaging with her. Sarcasm and suggestions that she's being neurotic are not necessary and saying something conciliatory to mollify her certainly isn't. Silence is its own form of response.