To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

[Crazycatlady198]

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

So many people told me I couldn't possibly have cats and a baby when I was pregnant. Funnily enough, we managed. Yes I took precautions, always kept DD's door shut when she was in there and kept an eye out when she was in the pram.

My cat did this before my son was born, I coaxed him out of the cot once or twice. Since my son has occupied the cot and the room, the cat has never once been in. You are doing the right thing, keep your animals, be mindful of them around your baby, and change things if they are no longer working.

My baby is 10 months now and there have been no problems between him and my cat and dog. I never leave them unattended in the same room. Good luck and enjoy your new baby.

Have 3 cats not the least interested in sleeping on a baby she’s overreacting .

There used to be cat nets that you could put over a pram from the days when people left babies out in the garden for a nap. Don’t know if they are still a thing though. It was quite the thing to be hysterical about cats smothering babies. Never heard of a case of it.

lovely yes I reckon you can still get cat nets nowadays. I bought one in advance of having my first 12 years ago. Think it was from mothercare.
Although it was barely used as it didn't feel like it would hold back a determined cat.
I went instead with always having my baby within eyesight, or the 2 cats within eyesight. Or a shut door between them!
OP I've not RTTT as just popped on for 2 mins, but I'd say this person who messaged you is overstepping. Unless she has past experience of animals hurting babies / children that makes her unusually sensitive to this (which would be more understandable why she's behaved like this) then she's out of order.

So I Made sure to buy protective nets for both cot and Moses basket. Our cats kept well clear of anything to do with our child. They are sort of coming around to the idea of her now she’s 11!

We were told to get rid of our cats when we had our daughter. They avoided her like the plague when she was a baby but are her best friends at 5. Just be sensible

This is too intense . I’m sure you know what you’re doing . Just send a message saying “thanks for your concern. We have this under control” and that’s it. She sound overly anxious in life anyway .....

Tell the nosey cow not to answer texts which were not sent to her!

I had 3 cats through 3 babyhoods and they never caused an issue, I made sure they weren't near them when they were sleeping. I presume you'll have your baby next to you when you are both sleeping for the first 6 months, so you'll be on high alert anyway, sleeping with one ear open. When baby naps in the day in her room or wherever just keep the cat out. Although it's worth ensuring it cannot happen, I have never heard of a cat smothering a baby, and there are about 8 million cats in the UK.

Ugh, what a bossy boots.
Maybe she is jealous?

I think maybe perhaps she feels like she can speak openly ... however I don’t think you are being unreasonable . You are fully aware now and will be even more so once your baby arrives . Some ppl take things to a whole new level . Please don’t stress . Either send a message back - yes I am fully aware of the dangers thank you for your concerns etc etc (passive aggressive ) or just ignore it. She will get the message . Enjoy the time before your baby comes and enjoy your animals , my poor cat doesn’t get a look in now that my daughter is here 😂 Good Luck x

When I was pregnant my cat climbed into the cot a few times and I worried so much, looked at buying all these things to prevent it happening once the baby was born. Baby arrived and cat wouldn’t even be in the same room as the baby. Still runs away 3 years later

Don't worry! Was 'advised' by now ExH family to be shot of my cats when I was expecting .
I ignored this advice and later dumped the 'D'H and his family.

My DD (aged 13) tamed the cat and they adore each other. The cat has been dressed up, dragged around and still after many years, is now her cat.

I think it's so important for children to grow up around animals. They grow emotionally, empathetically and develop more immunity to asthma etc.

Enjoy your full family xx

She did the right thing. Was worried and told you. If I was losing sleep over a worry I'd have to voice it....but tactfully

OP, I didn't end up using my nursery. Both DS1 and 2 spent every nap on me or in a sling. Lots of babies don't nap in a cot/Moses basket. The cat thing probably won't even be an issue.

YABU, she sounds genuinly concerned and otherwise wouldn't have reached out to you!

@Aerielview

A far higher number of babies are killed in car accidents. A baby was recently killed not too long ago when a vehicle veered off the road and hit the pram Are you going to advise all new parents to get rid of their car and never take their baby out in a pram? Because you know, it COULD happen do best not to take the risk of ever getting in a car or walking down the street. Almost nothing we do is risk free. But the risk of a cat smothering a baby is vanishingly low. It is somewhat hysterical to suggest all parents get rid of their cats based on a very few suspected cases where a cat may have smothered the baby.

A rational risk assessment would suggest being careful.

Perhaps I’m a little touch as my aunt-in-law (is that a thing?) and SIL are always telling me that I let DC Do “dangerous things” and “won’t you feel terrible if something happens?”. FFS- of course I’d feel terrible if my child is hurt (and devastated if that was serious, or god forbid anything Worse) but I don’t think it’s healthy to try and wrap them in cotton wool either. They may see it differently, and would not let their children do these things, which is up to them and none of my business, which is why I keep my opinions (that their children don’t do much physical activity, for instance) to myself.

The dangerous things include horse riding, skiing, climbing and outdoor water sports. Yes, there are risks- but there are benefits too. I try to mitigate the risks by making sure they have appropriate supervision/instruction, take part at a level they are competent to do and have the highest grade safety equipment which fits well, is well maintained and replaced when needed. I think those sports are probably at greater risk of causing harm than OP having cats.

The carping and offering of unsolicited advice is irritating. They were/are free to make decisions regarding their lifestyle/children/pets but should keep opinions to themselves.

There has never been a documented case of a cat smothering a baby, but that old saw is trotted out still. Now, the cats may want to sleep with your baby. Cats are great lovers of warm, and babies are warm. But they WILL NOT SMOTHER HER!

I believe that this old wives' tale originated from people desperate to explain crib death. They simply blamed the cat. It is on a par with "cats will suck a baby's breath." That is also utterly false.

Put that worry out of your mind. Babies are in far more danger from being jumped on by larger, ill-trained dogs, and I have no reason to think that yours are ill-trained.

Simply tell your well-meaning but sadly uneducated friend, "Thank you for your concern, but we have this under control."

[quote sapnupuas]@AryaStarkWolf

There's a photo with my comment of a my son and my cat. I've just realised that not everyone will see the photo so I'm just coming across as a dick.

For clarity, I had a baby, two cats and a dog. No issues. She's being an idiot to have sleepless nights over it. [/quote]
Your photo was quite visible on my browser. Very cute.

My cat used to snuggle up into my daughters moses basket when I was pregnant. As soon as my daughter was born my cat didn't go in it at all. She sounds like she's over reacting to say she's lost sleep over it!

Don’t worry about the cats I’ve found cats sleeping in Moses baskets Car seats but the babies never came to any harm they hated baby crying

yanbu.

Obviously you have to be vigilant but often cats won't go in when cot is occupied. Our cats got into the cot pre baby but never with baby there. Depends on the cat but it's extreme to suggest they're dangerous just based on what you've described

I’d be tempted to send a very curt reply along the lines of ‘thank you but we’re not seeking advice’ - however anything you send might prompt another dramatic response, so ignoring is probably the best option.
It’s a really odd thing for her to do, especially as your child hasn’t even been born yet. Could she be jealous or insecure about your friendship with her husband? Or is it possible that he’s stirred things up a bit?