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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 22/10/2020 13:35

This cats smothering babies is an urban legend though, surely?

Does anyone actually know anyone whose baby was smothered to death by a cat? I would keep cats clear if only to stop the baby from being scratched if they grabbed the cat’s fur, but this myth that cats routinely smother babies is a load of bollocks and people need to stop being so obsessed with imaginary danger.

And to the poster upthread who compared cats with ponds and the ocean, no it’s not remotely comparable. Children do drown, as do adults actually. Cats do not smother babies to death on a regular or even semi regular basis.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/10/2020 13:38

There has been the occasional rare incident with cats and baby's we hear about babies dying in hot cars and never say you have to sell your car as soon as you have a baby do we?

I had two cats with my first baby they kept clear if she was asleep on my lap they would sniff her hair a bit but that was it

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/10/2020 13:39

This cats smothering babies is an urban legend though, surely

Yep.

TommyShelby · 22/10/2020 13:46

I have two dogs (well trained gun dogs if it makes any difference) and a cat. I am due in January and I have been asked more than once when I am getting rid of my animals!? They are non negotiable to me. They are part of my family. Obviously all precautions will be taken to keep everyone safe - and luckily, I have a house than can facilitate this. I am fed up of people thinking my animals are optional to me? I committed to them, and I’m not about to give up on them because I have chosen to add to our family. Some people are absolutely ridiculous when it comes to animals and children.

Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 13:48

@TommyShelby 100% share your feelings. Some people just don’t get it when animals are concerned. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 22/10/2020 13:48

It will be better for your mental health (and blood pressure levels!) to assume that this comes from a well-meaning, if misjudged, place of genuine concern. So I'd message back, "Thanks for your concern, but no need to worry. We're aware of the dangers and will be taking precautions when baby is here, just thought it was funny to see the cat making itself at home!"

ConorMasonsWife · 22/10/2020 13:49

She's bonkers!

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?
To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?
Ori3 · 22/10/2020 13:52

@WankPuffins

I’m an arsehole & I’ve got no time for people like that

Sorry but this made me laugh so hard! So direct & honest! Fair play to you. I agree it’s none of her business. I’m not good at tolerating people who stick their noses in TBH

OrtamLeevz · 22/10/2020 14:06

When I was expecting, circa 20 or so years ago, our midwife told us that cats suffocating babies was a myth, and had long since been debunked.

The only things I'd consider would be fleas, making sure the animals are up to date with worming, and being careful with the litter tray. Oh, and ideally a solid wall between dog and baby.

Queenoftheashes · 22/10/2020 14:07

@ConorMasonsWife

She's bonkers!
Omg adorable
MitziK · 22/10/2020 14:30

@OrtamLeevz

When I was expecting, circa 20 or so years ago, our midwife told us that cats suffocating babies was a myth, and had long since been debunked.

The only things I'd consider would be fleas, making sure the animals are up to date with worming, and being careful with the litter tray. Oh, and ideally a solid wall between dog and baby.

It was known to be bollocks in the 1950s when my mother had her first few children, in the 60s when she had her next ones and then in the 70s when she had her last.
IntermittentParps · 22/10/2020 15:14

I would prob feel the need to say something if you sent a picture of a cat sleeping in the crib.
I'd feel the need to tell you to mind your own if you did that to me.
The OP hardly knows this woman.

All these 'Oh, it's just coming from a place of worry/well-meaning if misjudged concern' posts Hmm
This is a grown adult. Who the texting woman doesn't really know.

misjudged is one way of putting it. Infantilising nosey-parker is a better way IMO.

AlternativePerspective · 22/10/2020 15:37

No, it’s not coming from a place of genuine concern because there is genuinely nothing to be concerned about.

Cats really do not smother babies. They really don’t. But people seem to have the need to interfere and stick their noses in and have opinions on things they know absolutely nothing about.

Genuine concern my arse.

AlternativePerspective · 22/10/2020 15:45

Actuallly on second thoughts I would be inclined to text her back: “bloody hell you haven’t been sucked in by that tripe have you? That’s an urban legend which went out of the window about 50 years ago.... Sleep well tonight.... “ Grin.

gubbbbbddaaaa · 22/10/2020 15:46

Tell her to do one , we had a cat net on our dc cot or the door was shut . It's your risk to take either way though !

TagMeQuick · 22/10/2020 15:52

Are they trying for a baby too? Perhaps she's had a miscarriage or something and feels like you might lose a baby too and is projecting her own feeling of fear over losing babies onto your cats? Perhaps a bit wild theorising!

Or maybe just a busybody with not much else to do. If your v good friends with her husband but not close to her at all a) I find that a bit weird and b) I wouldn't be too rude to her as she'll show your rude text to her husband... and in the end, he'll have to side with her as he is her... husband! Maybe she's even annoyed with you for being v close to her husband and not being that into her? Is she making sure she sets up spat to clear you off? Who knows! The devil makes word for idle thumbs. Soon you'll be so busy you won't know what's hit you and this is the last thing that'll be on your mind. Good luck with the baby!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 22/10/2020 16:15

They would get a fuck off and be deleted from my life. Cheeky fuckers!

WankPuffins · 22/10/2020 16:17

It is an urban legend though.

Something about cats “stealing the breath of babies”. I seem to remember something along those lines.

Rainb0wDrops · 22/10/2020 16:25

My health visitor did a home visit when I was pregnant, took one look at the cats and asked me in all seriousness when I was getting rid of them. I looked at her like she was crazy.

Hesnotlocal · 22/10/2020 16:38

My response would be something along the lines of:

OMG. I'm so glad you have offered your advice. I had not thought about any of the risks you have mentioned. Until your message our plan had been to let all the animals sleep in the baby's bedroom - that way they can keep her warm and will be close by if she needs them to comfort her when we are out. I can see now that this might not be the best idea. Whilst I've got you, we've been discussing weaning baby using a bowl on the floor next to the dogs- the food will all end up there anyway right! (LOL) What do you think?

But then I am a sarcastic cow

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/10/2020 17:25

@AlternativePerspective and @WankPuffins

You are wrong. Cats have in fact smothered babies. Not on purpose. But it has and can happen. Even the British Medical Journal BMJ says this is possible.
www.bmj.com/content/285/6344/777.1

Can a cat smother and kill a baby?

Queenoftheashes · 22/10/2020 20:15

That telegraph one was SIDS if you do further research. The others only say “may”

Notthetoothfairy · 22/10/2020 20:17

Probably millions of people have cats and babies without any problems. I did and was fine.