To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

[Crazycatlady198]

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

@sapnupuas your cute photo was visible to me too.😀

Just reply that the picture was for her husband not her! I've brought babies up around cats and dogs and I can't think of a single issue I've ever had. Apart from my dog once barked because I was trying to multi task once and my baby had flipped slightly and was at risk of falling. The dog made me look back that second and prevented a potential injury.

Surely a cat can jump a stair gate? I don't think cats really are a danger though.

My mother was like this about our dog. Yet he loved dd to the moon and back. He took his job to protect her as a baby very seriously and tried very hard not to fall asleep when she was a newborn so that he could watch her and ensure she was safe. He’s long gone now, bless him.

Ignore. Ignore. If you engage, you’ll get more back.

@Billben

and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

This just screams loon to me. If you really feel like having to give unsolicited advice to people you barely speak to then at least don’t come out with this rubbish.

Needless to say you’ll have to limit the things you even say to this friend of yours, let alone show photos because the wife will just overdramatise it. These people are the type who will ring social services on you for stupid reasons because they are oh so concerned 🙄

Yes. Watch out. Don't share with them. She is bonkers. Are you totally sure she's not projecting?? Some women get protective of others' babies if they haven't got their own/want one.

And do watch out for the cats. I personally would be freaking out about them getting in the cot, but as the mother that's my prerogative ☺️

The cats and dogs are your family just like your child will be - animals will love to find cosy places to sleep when the baby arrives just keep a check.... they’re not dangerous unless you’re going to leave all and the baby alone for hours without checking on them!
My footy ‘babes’ Was my first baby before my son came... we all 3 spent many hours all snuggled together.... my son is a better human being for having such contact xx
Congrats on your growing family

Have to ask: has anyone ever heard of a cat suffocating a baby?

Sorry: Lemon has answered that. Still, it must be vanishingly rare. I have never heard of such a thing and would just nudge the cat away from the baby.

Our cats jumped into the cot/pram when it was new and interesting and they thought it was a giant cat bed.

The minute the baby turned up and it all smelled of baby they ran for the hills. This is true for everyone i know with cats and children. They are grudgingly starting to accept my 5yr old, but definitely no where near my 10 month old.

Interestingly, the “cats suffocate babies” trope is the latest incarnation of a centuries-old superstition that cats suck the breath out of babies. People seem to mindlessly repeat the warning every generation, regardless of any connection to reality. I heard it, my mother heard it, etc. See Snopes for a discussion of this, including the idea that in earlier times it acted as a focus for grief over SIDS.
www.snopes.com/fact-check/murderous-moggies/

I would actually be replying to the “friend” telling her just how very concerned I was about her mental health. To be loosing sleep and worrying to the point of sending concerned (very strong, rude) messages to acquaintances is a serious matter. I’d be suggesting she sees her GP or a counsellor for support.
I wouldn’t bother to question or respond to the message content. She is clearly too disturbed to be comforted by your reassurances. (Not being sarcastic, I genuinely think that she has a major problem that needs support)
However, if for some reason she isn’t actually ill but just opinionated and interfering (Which I doubt, she sounds really needy) then she might also get the message and wind her neck in.

I have always had a cat or four. And mine didn’t “run for the hills” when my DC were born. They were very curious and constantly wanted to be by the baby. Because of rare risk, even though very small, I made our bedroom a cat free zone. So the babies could sleep safely. Outside our bedroom, the babies slept attached to me in a sling/wrap. I couldn’t put them down without a cat jumping up to them.
I just think, even if risk is very rare and small, why risk it with your child when small changes make it completely avoidable? Even if it were say 1 in a million or a billion, thats still real children and a grieving family left behind. Even 1 death is too many when it’s 100% avoidable.
I agree that drastic actions like rehoming a cat are ridiculous. But the actions of not leaving cat plus baby alone and supervising interactions until they are past toddler stage are definitely advisable.

Friend? Watch out as if she calls social services they will be obliged to come out I think.....

@amispeakingenglish

Friend? Watch out as if she calls social services they will be obliged to come out I think.....

I can assure you, Social services will not come out because of a cat and an idiot complaining OP has a cat and a baby. In fact, I’d stake my life on it.

What’s her history, does she have children? Also COVID has made a lot of people edgy and good will, comes out badly in a text.

You need some cat nets.

Congratulations, on your news!

It is actually 0 in a billion. Had I not lost all of my family photos in a house fire, I could post photograph after photograph of my two sons happily sleeping in their cots with a cat or two snuggled up, keeping watch. This just does not happen. As I said, I believe it began as a way to blame something for crib deaths, way back when. As for whether or not my sons suffered for their early cot-mates...the elder is now turning 41, is 6'10" tall, and built like a battleship, and the younger...well, he is the runt of the litter at a mere 6'3" tall. LOL, yes, I am chiming in from the USA!

My cat did the same when I was expecting my 2nd so I bought a cat net to put her off doing it again and she didn't.

Pets are family (i also have a bunch of cats and dogs plus kids). She was out of order and it's really none of her business. Pets and babies are fine together as long as you keep an eye on them.

Cats will jump over a stairgate though (i use one to keep the dogs from the cat food and she hops over easily so I wouldn't count on it keeping the cat out) but if you know she won't then it's fine xx

Why a stair gate, rather than just a closed door? Honestly I would feel the same as your friend- although I probably wouldn't send a text. I wouldn't be impressed that you allowed your cat in the baby's bed long enough to take a photo. We had a cat when our children were little and there's no way we would have allowed this. Doors were firmly closed and we were really careful to keep the cat away from them until they were mobile enough to move. Babies create lovely warm and cosy spaces for cats and, regardless of the suffocation risks, I'd question whether you want any animal that spends time roaming outside, catching animals etc etc to be that close to a tiny baby for whom you're probably sterilising and cleaning everything else...