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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
CleverCatty · 23/10/2020 16:24

@Noitjustwontdo

Cats really don’t suffocate babies, it’s such an old wives tale. I imagine most cats could jump a stair gate though, just wanted to point that one out!

I watched a documentary a few months back on Netflix about babies and they said babies exposed to pets are actually healthier. Something to do with the bacteria from pet fur helping boost their immune system.

Funnily enough - my DB developed severe asthma and was eventually diagnosed as being allergic to cats (I think their fur?) amongst a heap of other things - DM had to rehome our cat when he was about 4/5.

I also developed a cat allergy - now vanished!

I personally think the asthma stuff came from DF's side of the family as DM's side didn't have it - my half brothers both had asthma.

But not every child will develop a better immune system especially if there's a propensity (is that the right word?) for the child to develop an allergy.

AibuTellMe · 23/10/2020 16:27

That's so rude of her OP. Speaking to you like you are a shit mum already. I'd be fuming. Hope you told her where to go.

Roo07 · 23/10/2020 17:43

I’ve always had 2 cats and have had 4 kids (cats older than kids) and the cats have never harmed any of my babies. Yes I’ve found cats sleeping in places they shouldn’t but never when babies are there. I also had all the lectures but quite frankly I’m not stupid 🙄😂

araminta9 · 23/10/2020 17:47

My daughter - a pretermer, born at 29 weeks and came home at 36 weeks, grew up with two dogs and three cats in the home. You can purchase nets to put over cots/pushchairs etc. Cats do like a warm friend to snuggle up to. And i NEVER left the dogs alone with her. But otherwise she's was a healthy happy child - loved our pets and they taught her much. Just be careful. And ignore the post. It won't be the last time someone gives you unasked for 'advice'.

Sideorderofchips · 23/10/2020 17:58

I have a picture of my old boy cat sleeping in the cot with my son when he was about 6 months old. Your friend would probably have a heart attack

ERFGLA · 23/10/2020 18:02

My DHa friend posted a pic of his new born daughter, himself and the cat all snuggled up together: was amazing how many people felt the need to comment “ omg that cat! The baby!” The friend was quite upset.
We’re expecting our first, and fully expect my 3 cats to try and sleep in the cot/buggy/bouncer when UNOCCUPIED lol I imagine my cats will hear one shriek from the baby and scream up high! 😆 doors shut cats in or out.
What a doommonger , I’d have told her to jog ok too - you clearly love animals , they are also family

salsah · 23/10/2020 18:09

Reply and say, this is the new baby! Surprise!

FelicisNox · 23/10/2020 18:28

YANBU.

Message this back:

Dear X,
Thank you for your concern, please note the following:

  1. We are not close friends so straight away you've overstepped your mark.
  2. I'm not an idiot and already have plans in place. I'm well aware of possible dangers/concerns and this was most definitely a one off.
  3. your message rude and condescending.

Kindly do not message me in this context again or I will not be so polite the next time. Instead of losing sleep over my life, you might want to examine why you felt it was socially acceptable to lecture a woman you barely know?

Kind regards
@Crazycatlady198

bustybetty · 23/10/2020 18:28

As a cat mum of 40 odd years and also a mum of 4 now teens I can honestly say you are overatressing about your cats. Your 'friend' seems totally out of order with her reaction. First time mums are always precious about first borns but when you have subsequent children you totally see where you were losing sleep worrying over what 'might' happen. You need to relax, a baby will be part of the family just like the animals are. Delete this friend and enjoy your pregnancy and stop worrying! 😊

tiredybear · 23/10/2020 18:35

Yeah, YANBU, it seems like over stepping the mark to me too. But, i think I'd go with what Babdoc said too.

CantGetDecentNickname · 23/10/2020 18:36

I loved the comment Photoshop the cat in a Scream mask, holding a knife.

I used a cat net when my baby was asleep outside in the shade or an insect net depending upon time of year. Lots of cats round here. Never any problems. Her reaction is very rude. Whatever she felt about the picture, she should have kept to herself.

Good luck for when the baby comes Cake

winniestone37 · 23/10/2020 18:40

She’s an idiot.

CatsOutOfTheBag · 23/10/2020 18:42

Tell her that the cat will keep the baby warm in the winter, like an everlasting hot water bottle

IrisTs · 23/10/2020 18:46

@Redburnett

Personally I think it is unwise to have so many pets around with a baby in the family. It is likely to be difficult to manage the situation, when dogs and baby need a lot of attention. You have already demonstrated that a cat sneaked into the nursery without you noticing. I think your friend's concerns may be justified. Do you have family or friends who could adopt some of your pets?
Hmm you are as bad as this woman with ridiculous advice. Do you even have pets ?
Perky1 · 23/10/2020 18:48

When I was a teenager, babysitting an older baby, he started to cry very hard. I dashed upstairs to find the family cat sat on his chest, pawing his face. I settled the baby and put the cat outside, It was a shock to me but the mother was not phased by it in the least. I agree that she is being unreasonable. I hope it goes well for you.

Anotherducker · 23/10/2020 18:53

I’d be tempted to wind her up and say you were planning on using the cat to settle the baby as you’d heard purring is soothing.

Nicolew1188 · 23/10/2020 18:56

I think I would nip this interfering woman in the bud. Otherwise I believe she will feel free to interfere whenever she wants.

caringcarer · 23/10/2020 18:56

My cats can jump up on to the work surface. I am sure they could jump up onto the top of a stair gate and then over. All you need to do is be really careful with closing floors and check cats are not in baby's room. I would just ignore stupid email.

threatmatrix · 23/10/2020 18:56

I’d be telling her to f* off, in the nicest possible way of course. I always had animals around the babies they grew so tight with each other, it was lovely to watch.

Callipygion · 23/10/2020 18:57

Our cat did that before our son was born, with the cot and pram! She never did it once he arrived, in fact she kept her distance because he was so noisy!

sandieshaw · 23/10/2020 19:01

Sorry, I’ve not RTFT but your friend is over reacting.
Put tin foil in the cot for the time being, laid on the top of the mattress. Cats don’t like the noise/feel when they jump in and it’s likely to deter them from doing it again

WellGoshDarnIt · 23/10/2020 19:13

I think I would simply reply with:

'Noted'

Or

'Ok'

It will drive her mad!! Grin

ChocolateCherrybomb · 23/10/2020 19:14

She is overstepping.

In your place, I'd be sorely tempted to take a photo of all three cats in the cot and send it with a message that reads "It's OK, we have decided to get a crate for the baby to sleep in instead...safe from cats in there"

Anele22 · 23/10/2020 19:23

@Crazycatlady198

No there’s definitely no backstory, she’s just someone who is opinionated and likes to give her two cents worth on everything.. she kept referring to antenatal classes she went to (over 30 years ago) where it was "drummed" into you about the dangers of cats...

@ImaginaryCat yes I have no doubt in the future when dd is older, the cats will be great with her, they are super lovely cats

@Redlocks28 yes definitely no more photos!

@WhatdoImean she has two cats herself haha

Yes, I'm sure cats were much more dangerous 30 years ago! And you never hear of a family pet harming a child nowadays, do you...oh wait...
Lemonpink88 · 23/10/2020 19:52

I think you shouldn’t reply your friend is definitely being intrusive. Iv recently had 2 kids & cannot believe the opinions people have on literally everything.
Our cats do jump out baby gates though so do watch that.
I used to work in a healthvisiting team & there was a cot death due to a cat suffocating the infant in our area tragically so professionals just do their job if they do express concern. Your aware of the risks, youv learnt from today already just to watch were the cats are & don’t reply to that friend