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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
SuzieQQQ · 23/10/2020 07:29

I could have written this about my mother in law. A complete drama queen, control freak type. Just laugh at her.

Aerielview · 23/10/2020 07:57

Sorry, should have spaced those three different links out

Rotundandhappy · 23/10/2020 07:58

@TommyShelby and @Crazycatlady198 I got the same load of pressurised bollocks from my in laws about my dogs, cat, horse, chickens and rescued cow. And before anyone asks, it wasn’t to do with workload, it’s because they think they’re not safe.

I ask you. What is a chicken doing to do to a baby?

whyareyoulying · 23/10/2020 07:59

Haven't RTFT but if you are concerned you can get a mosquito net to put over the crib. It prevents the cats getting in with baby

user1471538283 · 23/10/2020 08:01

This is nothing to do with her! My DFs cat loved DS when he was a baby and used to sneak up to sleep under his cot (DS had a cot at my DFs). At no point was DS harmed.

StrangeCoat · 23/10/2020 08:02

She actually said she's losing sleep about it? And this is the partner of a friend you speak to sporadically?

Batshit.

AlternativePerspective · 23/10/2020 08:05

Well, babies die in car accidents too. Regularly. Yet we don’t tell parents that they ought not to have a car and a baby do we?

The fact you can find a couple of recorded instances of this (maybe) having happened is clear proof that for the most part this is just hysterical rubbish. After all, if you go online and look for the numbers of baby deaths due to road traffic accidents you will find hundreds if not thousands of recorded instances every year. And yet all we tell parents is to take precautions when putting babies in the car. I don’t see anyone claiming to loose sleep over the fact the parents drive or telling them they should get rid of the car and use public transport from now on because of the (significant) risk to their baby every time they put them in a car.

The fact the OP took a picture of the cat in the cot of the (as yet unborn) baby is not even remotely evidence that she won’t take precautions when having the baby. It’s a cute picture is all.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/10/2020 08:18

There used to be a pretty major ‘thing’ in the U.K. about cats smothering babies, but that was in the days when babies were routinely put in their prams in the garden to sleep. For that reason cat nets for prams were a thing, too.

rorosemary · 23/10/2020 08:21

You need to practise the following:
Thank you for the advice/ thank you for pointing that out/ thank you, we'll think about it (although the last one doesn't work with my family, they already know that "thinking about it" means no).

And then do your own thing. Everybody thinks that they're a better parent than you anyway. No point in discussing it with them.

TurquoiseDragon · 23/10/2020 08:37

[quote Aerielview]It happens:
www.thelocal.se/20091110/23180
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1379196/Sleeping-cat-suffocates-baby.html
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7749929/Baby-girl-killed-cat-fell-asleep-childs-face-Ukraine.html[/quote]
The first one isn't confirmed, and in fact the article states that the experts think it's more likely a case of SIDS.

So you found two cases. If this were really a thing, you should have found loads.

Mittens030869 · 23/10/2020 08:43

I’m sick of hearing about this so-called risk of a cat suffocating a baby in their cot. I’ve never heard of a single case of it actually happening. Compare that to dogs, who really do maul babies to death. (I’m not saying that dog owners should give up their pets, I hasten to clarify. The vast majority of dog owners are responsible, I know that.)

I have three cats and two DDs, and I certainly heard this old chestnut about cats smothering babies enough times when they first came to us.

It’s common sense not to leave either dogs or cats alone in the room with a baby/toddler obviously. But the scaremongering about this really annoys me.

Mittens030869 · 23/10/2020 08:45

Okay, I see that there are a couple of cases of cats being suspected of having suffocated a baby, but one of those cases at least is disputed (SIDS rather than suffocation by the cat).

But clearly, it’s very, very rare and the hysteria around this subject is totally OTT.

IntermittentParps · 23/10/2020 08:49

What is a chicken doing to do to a baby? Grin

DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 23/10/2020 08:49

Well my 2 DC survived their infancy with the family cat, but I was hyper vigilant. Slightly concerning you think a stair gate would keep a cat out.

Mittens030869 · 23/10/2020 08:53

A stair gate did keep our cats out of our DDs' rooms, despite them being very good at jumping. I think it's because there's nothing for them to grab onto with their claws.

Anyway, the OP has said that the stair gate is intended to keep their dogs out; that's the much bigger risk to the baby.

Cheeseandwin5 · 23/10/2020 09:02

Tell her your getting a snake.... let her have a few more sleepless nights with that one!

movingonup20 · 23/10/2020 09:03

Whilst she really did overstep the mark, I wouldn't trust a stair gate to stop cats or anything but the smallest dogs - my dog simply jumped over my sil's stair gate like an agility obstacle.

WankPuffins · 23/10/2020 09:13

I ask you. What is a chicken doing to do to a baby?

Make it grow up craving Nando’s?

Chicken pox?

Grin
Mmn654123 · 23/10/2020 09:39

How will a stair gate stop a cat? Surely it will just jump onto it and then over it?

IntermittentParps · 23/10/2020 09:49

Tell her your getting a snake.... let her have a few more sleepless nights with that one!
Grin Please do this.

MitziK · 23/10/2020 10:08

@Mmn654123

How will a stair gate stop a cat? Surely it will just jump onto it and then over it?
Two of mine weren't that smart. Or they were supersmart and realised it was telling them not to go into the room behind it. The other one just wandered through the bars and helped herself to the food in the kitchen whilst the others (and the dog) looked on in horror. Still got one of them and she can't handle the concept of a door on the litter tray or a cat flap, either.

The one who went through the bars also used to sit beside the cot to watch DD2 until she went to sleep (and the bed later on) before wandering back in as though her work was done for the day from when DD2 was about 6 months old - before that, she would wait under the bed whilst I dealt with DD and only come out when she had been put down. Considering she hid in the wardrobe for three days after I brought DD2 home, I was always impressed by her behaviour.

Aerielview · 23/10/2020 10:17

@TurquoiseDragon Even two babies' deaths from suffocation by a cat would make me wary of having a cat around my baby. Why would anyone risk their baby's life?
And my mother has a friend who was left blind for life after a cat urinated on her face while she was an infant in her pram.

Zipitydoodah · 23/10/2020 10:24

I'd message back with 'You do realise the baby hasn't been born yet?' with some laughing emojis.

We've always had cats and babies; used a cat net over the pram\basket when the babies slept downstairs, shut the doors upstairs. Sometimes found the cats in the bouncy chair or cot but only when there was no baby there. Never had any problems.

WankPuffins · 23/10/2020 10:28

@MitziK we had to show one of my cats how to walk though the bars of the stair gate with the use of cat treats. It still took him ages to grasp the concept 🤦🏽‍♀️😁

We had one on the kitchen door when Dd was a toddler and he would sit next to it and wail to get to his food when the bars were more than far enough apart for him to fit himself though.

He’s never been the sharpest tool in the box though, bless him Grin

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