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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 22/10/2020 09:42

YANBU. She needs to get a life and to keep her nose out and I'd be tempted to reply with that, although I appreciate you're friends with her husband so may not want to.

Maybe just respond 'How rude'.

Poptart4 · 22/10/2020 09:43

You know cats can jump over stair gates, right?

Her message was abit ott but I suppose her intentions were good. When my dd was 2 I found our cat asleep on top of her head, not covering her face but it gave me a good scare because we were super careful. Just be mindful no matter how careful you are accidents can and do happen. You seem almost arrogant in your belief that this will never happen to you.

Greenhairbrush · 22/10/2020 09:46

She sounds like a total drama queen.

Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:49

No there’s definitely no backstory, she’s just someone who is opinionated and likes to give her two cents worth on everything.. she kept referring to antenatal classes she went to (over 30 years ago) where it was "drummed" into you about the dangers of cats...

@ImaginaryCat yes I have no doubt in the future when dd is older, the cats will be great with her, they are super lovely cats

@Redlocks28 yes definitely no more photos!

@WhatdoImean she has two cats herself haha

OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 22/10/2020 09:49

"You ok hun?" Should cover it.

Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:51

@Poptart4 not arrogant at all... I actually gave spent a lot of time thinking and worrying about all this to the point where I’ll probably be paranoid about something bad happening. As I said the stair gate has been there for over 3 months and they haven’t jumped over it and if they did then door will be shut instead...

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:52

@Asterion probably just naive FTM and didn’t realise how everyone has an opinion when babies are involved

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2020 09:53

Oh block her.

Dogs do more harm than cats to kids to the extent that the dangerous dogs act was bought in but still the public thinks all cats are closet baby murderers just waiting for the chance to strike.

Beautiful3 · 22/10/2020 09:56

I had a cat who loved sleeping in my child's cot before they arrived (I changed the sheets when the baby arrived). He never did it again when he saw the baby using it! I would obviously keep an eye on the pets around the children, but I'm sure it will be fine.

ReneeRol · 22/10/2020 09:58

She's trying to create a bit of drama, if you didn't have pets, it would be something else. There's always something with this type of personality, concerns around the new baby are just an excuse to drag you in.

I wouldn't respond at all.

problembottom · 22/10/2020 10:00

DP's mum was incredibly worried about our cat when we were expecting DD and it did seem a bit disproportionate although it's obviously important to be vigilant.

In the event once our horrified cat met our crying newborn he never went near her nursery let alone jumped in her cot when she was in it. I was more worried about whether he'd ever forgive me than him doing any harm to DD.

She's 22 months now and they love each other, he was her little playmate during lockdown.

SpaceOP · 22/10/2020 10:00

A few varied google searches tell me that cases of cats supposedly suffocating babies are almost nonexistent. However, I think it's reasonable while baby is still very tiny to avoid the cat sleeping on or near him/her simply because a large cat might not even realise its on a child's face stares at DCat who likes to sleep around my neck at 6:30am

However, the hysteria around cats never ceases to amaze me. We just don't see news stories about cats mauling babies. Nor do we hear anecdotal stories about cats mauling babies. Pre DC1 I had the same endless questions about whether I was worried about our cat at the time. Eventually I posted a picture of cat sprawled on ground while nephew used his body as a racing track in a room absolutely filled with people to demonstrate that I was not worried at all about cat getting aggressive with the baby (our cat was massive however so yes, we did keep him out of the room where baby was sleeping just in case. But once DS was older cat would jump into crib and sleep at baby's feet which was super cute and he regularly slept with DS right up until he died when DS was 6).

At best, respond with, "we're comfortable with our plans to make sure baby and cat are fine together" and leave it at that. She means well. But irrational hysteria is very irritating.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/10/2020 10:01

You've hot a gate on the nursery, which I'm not sure would keep a cat out but I'm sure you know your animals, but how are you going to keep them out the moses basket?

GreyishDays · 22/10/2020 10:03

I’d be tempted to ask if she knew the (unborn) baby wasn’t in the cot?

Because that’s the only way the photo would be a problem.

tattychicken · 22/10/2020 10:04

It's nothing like ponds and the ocean. Children drown all too frequently. I have never heard in recent times of a cat killing a baby.

maybemu · 22/10/2020 10:04

She was out of line but got to say a stair gate will not keep cats out. They can easily jump over them or squeeze through them.

SummerInSun · 22/10/2020 10:06

I don't think you can be sure there is no backstory. My mother is manic about lecturing people about the dangers of loop blind cords near baby's cots, in a way I'm sure most people find totally over the top. But her father was a GP who attended a neighbour's house where a baby strangled itself and died that way.

You are going to find that there will be heaps of people who will give you stacks of unwanted advice about your baby. Some will be well-meaning and correct, some will be well-meaning and incorrect, but it's very rare that they don't mean well. If you get this annoyed each time, you will spend a lot of time in a rage. Just send her a polite response explaining that you know all about the dangers and will be taking all the steps needed to keep her safe.

AryaStarkWolf · 22/10/2020 10:06

What a busy body. You did the right thing by not replying, I don't think I'd have that much restraint tbh

MoonJelly · 22/10/2020 10:06

I agree the friend is mad, but I'm another one wondering how on earth a stairgate would ever keep a cat out of a room. Ours had no problem climbing up to or down from first floor windows.

Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 10:10

At the moment the stair gate is more there to prevent our dogs going in there and messing things up in the room as they 100% cannot jump over the stair gate. When our dd is born she won't be in that room so if the cats do manage to jump it then it's not a major issue. When she is in our room in moses basket the door will be shut.

And yes the dogs are more of a concern than the cats

OP posts:
Defaultuser · 22/10/2020 10:10

I've heard so many comments from people of a certain age about cats smothering babies - I've never heard a vet or doctor say anything similar or read any research to back this up.

Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 10:11

Also I'm sure the cats easily could jump over it but they are dopey cats and have got the message they're not allowed in there

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 22/10/2020 10:12

She sounds unhinged

LanaDelBoy · 22/10/2020 10:12

She clearly overstepped.
However, have you actually said that you are going to prevent the cat from accessing the baby's bed? If you haven't explicitly made that clear she's probably genuinely concerned.
I know this will sound patronising but once you have a baby, loads of things that seem fine normally begin to look like terrifying death traps...! I remember bringing my toddler to visit a friend that had one of those floor-to-ceiling shelving units full of delicate ornaments Grin suddenly it looked like a climbing frame of potentially broken glass to my eyes!

Billben · 22/10/2020 10:12

and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

This just screams loon to me. If you really feel like having to give unsolicited advice to people you barely speak to then at least don’t come out with this rubbish.

Needless to say you’ll have to limit the things you even say to this friend of yours, let alone show photos because the wife will just overdramatise it. These people are the type who will ring social services on you for stupid reasons because they are oh so concerned 🙄