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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
Clareflairmare · 22/10/2020 11:40

Families with cats have babies all the time. She is being interfering and over the top. Very rude!

pictish · 22/10/2020 11:41

Please don’t be concerned about domestic arrangements in our household, whether it’s regards to our pets or otherwise. We aren’t seeking advice so no need to take the time or worry. Thanks.

Send that.

Graciebobcat · 22/10/2020 11:42

I think sometimes poor cats get excluded from quite normal and what could be lovely things by overly anxious parents. The old cat I had when I had DD1 used to snuggle up to me while I was feeding her. It was immensely cute and cuddly and no risk to DD whatsoever.

MagpieSong · 22/10/2020 11:46

Sorry but I’d never stay friends with someone like that. What a stupid overreaction! Cats do tend to avoid babies, but worth keeping an eye, anything else is silly. I’d probably reply, ‘I’m sorry you have such phobias about children and animals. Have you considered therapy? Luckily for us, our pets are fab and wouldn’t be alone with our child anyway as we’re normal sensible parents.’

Cats get stressed by noisy crying babies far more often than babies every have negative issues with a cat.

Coyoacan · 22/10/2020 11:46

Oddy enough, the cat smothering a baby is a very English-language myth. I live in Mexico, where people still think that you should get rid of your cats when you have a baby, but because they believe that children get asthma from them.

Clareflairmare · 22/10/2020 11:48

An older relative of mine kept going on about cat netting the cot. After a few times I pointed out that a net around the cot was FAR more likely to pose a threat to a baby than our cat.
Cats generally run away from noisy screaming things that grab them Smile
I think this was all more of a worry when tiny babies slept away from their parents in another room - which isn’t how the vast majority set things up for their families now due to SIDS.

MushMonster · 22/10/2020 11:49

Your baby will love your pets! She will have lots of fun with them.
You will need to close the nursery's door if you do not want the cat to leave fur all over the place, just in case.
I would ignore any communication from this "friend"

ExclamationPerfume · 22/10/2020 11:49

One of my husband's work colleagues lost a baby as it was suffocated by their cat. It's not a laughing matter. We had a dog and cats but they were never allowed in the baby's room. Cats can jump stairgates.

KarmaStar · 22/10/2020 11:51

Total idiot op, ignore her.she's out of order.

converseandjeans · 22/10/2020 11:51

I don't think she should have messaged you like that. However I don't like the idea of a cat sleeping in a newborn baby's cot. My son's childminder used to let her cats sleep in the buggy that she used to put him in for a nap and I used to have to wash his coat every time he came home from there as it smelled horrible. A cat might also scratch a baby.

What sort of dogs do you have?

OVienna · 22/10/2020 11:55

@SleepingStandingUp

I'd message you friend and ask if his wife is ok, she sent you a weird message and you're worried the photo has triggered her somehow
This is a bit PA but to be honest, it's what I'd think about doing too.
OVienna · 22/10/2020 11:56

That or ignore it completely.

roarfeckingroarr · 22/10/2020 11:59

I have a 5 day old baby and I see her point. I would hate to have animals and their hair around him right now.

Hobbesmanc · 22/10/2020 12:05

@ExclamationPerfume

One of my husband's work colleagues lost a baby as it was suffocated by their cat. It's not a laughing matter. We had a dog and cats but they were never allowed in the baby's room. Cats can jump stairgates.
What despite the fact there's only ever been one documented case - and that was reported in the Sun and happened in The Ukranine- and wasn't ever substantiated?
GabsAlot · 22/10/2020 12:05

tell your friend to not show his wife pics you send and ask to stop harrassing you over it

batshit

SoupDragon · 22/10/2020 12:07

Cat v stair gate

SoupDragon · 22/10/2020 12:09

I can kind of see her point but I do agree that she has overreacted and shouldn't have ranted like that.

The cats I had when DSs were small were basically never seen anywhere near them!

TheTrollFairy · 22/10/2020 12:09

Weird overreaction from her. I have cats, and I know there is a suffocation risk but in all honestly, the cats didn’t want to be anywhere near a screaming baby and wasn’t till DC was older that they ventured near.

Cats will get over/through a stair gate so I would probably keep the door closed but I couldn’t get myself worked up over a cat sleeping on a bed for a baby who isn’t born yet!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 22/10/2020 12:10

What a gorgeous kitty!

Metallicalover · 22/10/2020 12:12

@SummerInSun

I don't think you can be sure there is no backstory. My mother is manic about lecturing people about the dangers of loop blind cords near baby's cots, in a way I'm sure most people find totally over the top. But her father was a GP who attended a neighbour's house where a baby strangled itself and died that way.

You are going to find that there will be heaps of people who will give you stacks of unwanted advice about your baby. Some will be well-meaning and correct, some will be well-meaning and incorrect, but it's very rare that they don't mean well. If you get this annoyed each time, you will spend a lot of time in a rage. Just send her a polite response explaining that you know all about the dangers and will be taking all the steps needed to keep her safe.

This ^ due to being a nurse my colleagues have told me terrible things they have seen. Such as children choking on a balloon and a lolly pop stick and died. I would prob feel the need to say something if you sent a picture of a cat sleeping in the crib. It wouldn't be a lecture or anything just to point in the right direction of guidance as believe it or not a lot of people don't know things as they've never been exposed to it etc. Such as this sleepyhead and similar product business. I couldn't help messaging an acquaintance regarding this as an overnight sleeper and mentioned the lullaby trust guidelines. I did mention that in our area not very long ago a baby had suffocated in one of these and my friend was told by her health visitor and asked if she had one. A lot of people don't know they aren't meant for overnight sleeping. There's no need for a lecture and being rude but there's nothing wrong in giving advice.
SoupDragon · 22/10/2020 12:14

[quote SoupDragon]Cat v stair gate

[/quote] Hmmm.... I'm not sure that's showing the cat v stair gate video it's meant to be showing 🤔
SoupDragon · 22/10/2020 12:15

Except it is now. Weird.

Ignore me...

BrightYellowDaffodil · 22/10/2020 12:16

Just tell her that the cat is the least of your problems now the Bengal Tiger has grown big enough to step over the door gate, the lions have become somewhat unruly of late, and don't even get me started on the shark in the bath. Hardly room for anyone to have a shower any more without the risk of losing a limb.

I say this as someone who's suffered crippling anxiety in the past, and still do sometimes, but she's rude and unhinged. Anxiety is not an excuse for behaving like an arse.

Redburnett · 22/10/2020 12:19

Personally I think it is unwise to have so many pets around with a baby in the family. It is likely to be difficult to manage the situation, when dogs and baby need a lot of attention. You have already demonstrated that a cat sneaked into the nursery without you noticing. I think your friend's concerns may be justified. Do you have family or friends who could adopt some of your pets?

Oldraver · 22/10/2020 12:21

Every single cat owner who has had a baby, has a photo of cat in the cot

When was the last time you heard of a baby sufocated by a cat. Idont really know where these fears come from. People were the same when I had my DS's 34/14 years ago. Id thought we had moved on

Of course most pet owners no to take precautions