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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

292 replies

Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 09:11

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady198 · 22/10/2020 12:28

@Redburnett wow she sneaked in once...
there’s no way we’re getting rid of the pets.

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 22/10/2020 12:34

@Oldraver

Every single cat owner who has had a baby, has a photo of cat in the cot

When was the last time you heard of a baby sufocated by a cat. Idont really know where these fears come from. People were the same when I had my DS's 34/14 years ago. Id thought we had moved on

Of course most pet owners no to take precautions

Yep, very true . This woman is being very dramatic . Just ignore her .
Venicelover · 22/10/2020 12:38

@OhioOhioOhio

What Babdoc said. I wouldn't have sent you the message but think it is a serious and important point.
I agree, it is something to be aware of, and you sending the photo may have made her think you thought it was funny that the cat could get into the cot.

I wouldn't have sent the message either but it would have come from good intentions.

wigglerose · 22/10/2020 12:39

Maybe I'm a bitch, but I always think that people should make the minimum amount of effort to get to know me as a person before they start giving unsolicited advice, otherwise they can fuck right off. This woman can do one. It's none of her business.
Also, if she's losing sleep over it she should look into getting help for her anxiety.

Pelleas · 22/10/2020 12:40

But will a standard stair gate really stop a cat?

Will it heck! We always used one to stop the dog getting to the cats' litter trays, in the knowledge the cats could easily leap over it. Even my 19 year old cat could clear it!

DSsnmum · 22/10/2020 12:44

I have 3 kids and 3 cats. If there was no baby in it the cats would jump in moses baskets, cots, pushchairs etc. Every time I just pulled them out. Only once did one cat go in with a baby in. Saw the cat on the monitor went straight in and pulled him out the cot and made sure I shut the door properly in the future. My cats all run from the kids now, don’t want anything to do with them! You just have to be a bit more careful and it will be absolutely fine. Cats do not really like children, at least my cats never did.

DSsnmum · 22/10/2020 12:46

Oh, and cats can definitely jump over stair gates! We always just shut the door to rooms we didn't want them in. X

user68901 · 22/10/2020 12:46

one of my cats used to constantly sneak into the cot. It really is fine as long as you are aware and remain vigilant.

LaBellina · 22/10/2020 12:47

What is it with pregnant women that people think they have to right to infantilize them?
Ofcourse she was bang out of order.

I would tell her to mind her own business.
And speaking from a personal POV, I would definetly influence my friendship with this couple because clearly she doesn't trust you as a parent without any good reason for it and overstepped any reasonable boundaries with this hiduous message. I would be fuming in your place and certainly not explain her anything, you don't owe her any reply and I think most people would say it's completely understandable if you told her to fuck off.

LaBellina · 22/10/2020 12:48

*it would

Dutypaid · 22/10/2020 12:53

What wankpuffins said. Do not reply. She is dangerous and would likely overreact to future situations that she perceives as dangerous without ever speaking with you about it or seeing the context. I would start distancing myself from the couple. You didn't even send the text to her. She sounds like a ridiculous drama queen, when you clearly know what you're doing.

jetadore · 22/10/2020 12:54

Isn't the cat suffocation thing a myth from when cot death was less well understood?

Dutypaid · 22/10/2020 12:56

My mom used to let our cat sleep in my cot with me...eek. do not do this obviously as you know. I thoroughly enjoyed growing up with my cats.

Thelnebriati · 22/10/2020 13:01

I once lost DS and eventually found him asleep in the dog bed, along with Ddog, but then I'm a slack parent.

FloraButterCookie · 22/10/2020 13:04

i remeber getting a similar message from a friend lecturing me about drinking while pregnant. I never, ever drank when pregnant and absolutely no indication that I ever would. Pissed me off no end. YANBU

TurquoiseDragon · 22/10/2020 13:04

@jetadore

Isn't the cat suffocation thing a myth from when cot death was less well understood?
Quite likely.

If it was ever proven that a cat had suffocated a baby, it would be on the news.

YouSayWotchaLa · 22/10/2020 13:11

Tbh it sounds like she was genuinely concerned and thought you might not realise risks. Clearly it isn’t any of her business and is an overreach but it sounds like it came from a well-meant place. Slightly irritating perhaps but YABU to feel defensive and interpret it as lecturing.

Aneley · 22/10/2020 13:16

2 dogs (big ones), 2 cats, a parrot and a baby (10.5m) here. Dogs and cats are never allowed to be in the same room with the baby without one parent present (and fully awake). To this day, none of them ever tried to get into the baby's cot. Cats did like the changing area and some other stuff, but not places where DD sleeps. Nowadays, they'll position themselves near and purr the baby to sleep and are more interested in interacting with her - but all very gentle. We won't be allowing any of our pets to be alone with DD for a longer while, but it is really a pleasure to see how happy they make her and how curious and active she gets to be when they're around.

sapnupuas · 22/10/2020 13:18

Didn't a cat save a baby from freezing to death in Russia?

It's neither here nor there in regards to this thread, but that cat is a hero.

starfishmummy · 22/10/2020 13:21

The only thing YABU about is in thinking a stairgate will keep a cat out!!!

ClaireP20 · 22/10/2020 13:21

She is out of order. BUT i think your reply should be more gentle. Something like 'Hi x, thanks for your concern, it's really kind of you to be worried but honestly we are aware of the potential risks and we will make sure baby is safe from harm, take care and speak soon x"
The reason I would repond in a lovely way is because alhough she has overstepped the mark, it sounds like it has come from a good place, a place of worry. Some people suffer from anxiety and can focus on little things that might have no relevance to them. I speak from experience here. So respond with kindness x p.s. animals will enrich your child's life, it will be wonderful for them and the baby x

HazelBite · 22/10/2020 13:27

As soon as any of my DS's as infants squawked or cried the cats ran off.
It was very odd because they would look very hard at them when they first arrived home from hospital and only became interested when they were in highchairs and dropping food on the floor!

Iftheclouds · 22/10/2020 13:27

My animals have always been fine with children. I’m having my third next year. I think as long as animals are never left on their own with a young child it’s fine.

Ontheboardwalk · 22/10/2020 13:29

Maybe she was getting confused with the troll that stole the child’s breath. Remind her it was the cat that saved Drew Barrymore

MrsToothyBitch · 22/10/2020 13:31

I'd send back one of those urban myth type mock up photos with a huge crocodile coming up through the loo. "Dear Crazy, thanks for the concern but as you can see from pic, cat in cradle is least of our worries. Unless you have a solution for above problem, BACK OFF".

I want a cat, I also want children. Already aware I would have to cat proof and would look up what to do. As you already have. She's over reacting.

Babies are also way more interested in cats than cats are in babies. My cousin's baby loves my parents cat, she looks around for her and loves to see her and touch her (with supervision). The cat lets the baby poke her for about 15 seconds before quietly slinking off til they've gone!

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