To think this ‘friend’ is out of order?

[Crazycatlady198]

My dh and I are imminently expecting the arrival of our baby girl (first baby).

We have 3 cats and 2 dogs we love to bits but obviously fully aware of potential dangers to our little girl and have plans in place to deal with this.

Anyway, yesterday one of our cats sneaked into the nursery (we have a stair gate across door so haven’t had any access) - she must have followed me in and I didn’t notice. Later on I found her in the cot having made herself cosy... now at the moment we still have mattress protector on and cot is not made up as our dd will be in Moses basket in our room so she wasn’t doing any particular harm. However, I took her out and she won’t be able to make a habit of it because of stair gate and I will check she doesn’t follow me in!

Later, I sent a photo I’d taken of the cat in cot to a close family friend...
That evening I received an extremely lengthy text from his wife who I’m not particularly close to and don’t speak to from one month to the next, saying how she had become "seriously concerned" about our "animals" and was losing sleep about the potential threat from them to our dd....

It was very rude in places and basically implied our pets are dangerous and that we are irresponsible and let them do what they want. Plus lecturing me about how the cats will suffocate dd as if I don’t know about that potential possibility already. AIBU to think she’s overstepped the mark and it’s not really any of her business?

She's right. Cats and babies do not mix.

She’s being an idiot. I had two cats when my first dc was born and never had a single issue whatsoever. The cat was so wary that they stayed away from anything baby related. Just to add though if the cat wants in it will leap over the stair gate.

What a weirdo. Block her and move on - you don’t have to jump to the tune of people like that.

She may suffer from anxiety, which is a horrible thing to experience. Or she may just be a nosey mis-informed arse.

Either way, not your problem. A short, polite “We have thought about these things and are happy with our plans.” If she won’t leave it alone after that, ignore.

Massive over reaction! Absolutely do not reply. . If you get any more OTT comments then block her, you don't need that shit in your life. Would it be worth having a discreet word with your friend, out of 'concern' for her. Show him the msg and ask if there is a back story you should know about and if there isn't, explain that you don't appreciate 'scare mongering' and are well aware of potential hazards.

Most cats stay well away from babies. DB and SIL's cat stayed well away from their baby, neighbours cat same with their baby etc!

My DM told me when she had me and my DB and she had the cat, it stayed away too.

It's good to be vigilant that the cat isn't in the room but most cats run a mile from something small and screaming.

What exact reaction were you looking for when you sent a picture of your cat lying in your baby's cot? A "oh isn't that cute?" To some people that won't look cute it will look like an accident waiting to happen.
If you don't want comments on your arrangements, don't send photos about them!

@Blueskysunsout

She’s being an idiot. I had two cats when my first dc was born and never had a single issue whatsoever. The cat was so wary that they stayed away from anything baby related. Just to add though if the cat wants in it will leap over the stair gate.

It's quite funny - when DB and SIL took their baby who then grew up a bit - to my house - my cat who was nervous enough as it was - I'd rehomed him at 4.5/5 months old and was never sure if a baby had been in that home - well the baby saw the cat but my cat just eyed him warily and tried to escape whenever possible. I did try to ensure the baby when a year old or younger stroked the cat a bit to ensure both weren't nervous of each other.

I would reply-

‘What a very odd message. I hope all is ok with you’

And leave it at that.

Not rude, but it clearly gets the message across that you do not appreciate the text.

A few varied google searches tell me that cases of cats supposedly suffocating babies are almost nonexistent

Yep. I read once that the idea arose at the same time as cats' stealing babies' breath and the era of persecution of women as witches.

That would really piss me off. Completely ignoring is probably the way to go and will annoy her no end. I'd find it hard not to text back something.

Well yes, especially considering your daughter hasn't even been born yet! What an awful woman - people lije this need to be stood up to and out in their place.

I sent the photo to my friend bc I knew he'd find it cute... Bc he's an animal lover. I didn't realise he would show it to her.

@happyspud yes finding it hard not to reply back...

@puzzledobserver I'm the one who has anxiety...

As per PP, I’m also fairly sure the cat suffocation thing is an internet myth but dog scenarios obviously greater concern

She’s totally out of order OP. Just ignore and carry on as you were.

Just as an aside, if you’re worried about your cats being unsettled by the arrival of your baby, I’ve got a good tip that the vet gave me when I was pregnant with DS1. When my husband came home in between hospital stays with us when he was born, he took some of DS1’s little vests and cloths that smelled like him, and left them on the floor for the cats to smell. This worked a treat, they were used to his smell when he arrived home - though they were very unimpressed with his noises. Bless!

I'm not an animal person, and I am a worrier. Even I'm struggling to worry about a cat suffocating a child who hasn't been born yet.

You say you are 'the one with anxiety'. It doesn't work like that unfortunately - she might have it too. It is really common.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

A few varied google searches tell me that cases of cats supposedly suffocating babies are almost nonexistent

Yep. I read once that the idea arose at the same time as cats' stealing babies' breath and the era of persecution of women as witches.

YetanotherSpartacus

that'd make sense re the witches comment.

I would be tempted to reply. First because getting a message like that would have got my back up and secondly (as per the favourite MN saying) you do need to set some boundaries otherwise this is just the start of unsolicited advice

We have a photo of our old cat sat in the rocking crib in our ed nursery before she was born. The cat never went in there after ed was born, and never tried to sleep in with her.
I understand the worry the woman has, but she has gone overboard with it.
Oh, and cats can get over or through stair gates, so don't assume they will be a deterrent ;)

Try asking your friend if his wife is ok because she sent you a batshit, unasked for, lecture.

When was the last time a cat suffocated anyone?

Hi, we have 2 dogs and 3 cats plus 3 children (aged 4,2 & 9 months) and I have never had to worry about my cats suffocating any of my children in their cots. They keep as far away from loud babies as possible in my experience. When the cot was empty they used to sleep on the blankets but we soon got round this by buying a cotbed mosquito net that ties to the legs of the cot and we just pull it over in the morning and it keeps them out. I was more worried about cat hair on clean cot sheets than any danger to my babies! All 3 of my cats avoid my boys like the plague. I would say you’ll be absolutely fine. Be aware and take precautions and you’ll be fine. Plus there are benefits of having pets around babies eg, less allergies in children etc. Good luck with your little one! :-)

One slightly dubious case in Ukraine where a cat might have suffocated a baby.

How about:

Gosh, people weren't joking about unsolicited advice when you're having a baby😂.

Or

You really don't need to involve yourself here.

Or

Sorry, but do you think we are stupid or negligent here? It must be one or the other.

@sapnupuas

She's right. Cats and babies do not mix.

Nah she's not really.