“It’s me or the cat!”

[GonePenguin]

Ok, not quite that dramatic/black and white ultimatum.

Moved in with bf. The cat is an utter bastard. He was shy for a few weeks - got him to nuzzle me in the mornings (he wants feeding) - but now he stalks and ambushes me. He doesn’t do this to bf. It’s more awful the three or so times a day he gets his ‘crazy 10 minutes’. I walk into rooms and have to check under sofas and beds etc so I can at least prepare myself for him scrambling after me with his claws out.

I really hate the damn cat. It does nothing but take, take, take. He’s 3 and half Bengal. My bf is never home and barely pays it any attention, but claims he loves it because he was there for him during dark periods. This cat is an indoor cat. Bf asks me that I feed the cat...even if he’s at home too. Ummm, he managed before I came along. Further, I love dogs but don’t have one because I haven’t the time to take care of it...so why have I now got to take on a bastard cat? Bf says it’s more like doing him (bf) a favour.

I’ve said I won’t live somewhere I get attacked/have to be on edge. Bf says he’s just playing and it’s his breed. My feelings still stand. Bf obviously won’t train the cat to behave (he doesn’t even play with him)...I’ve taken to arming myself with a water spray, but I still feel a prisoner/hostage in my own home.

I’d feel bad for my bf if we got rid of the cat...but I also genuinely think it's unreasonable of him to have got the cat in the first place.

So:

YABU - suck it up.
YANBU - it goes.

Your boyfriend isn't paying for his lousy decision-making. The poor cat is paying.

Take heed OP. Your boyfriend is a feckless, selfish arsehole.

I agree with finding a new home for the cat and then one for yourself. Get the boyfriend a tamagotchi. It's about the only pet he's fit for.

@CatChant - there has been lots of great advice on this thread, but your summary is definitely the best!

OP. WHY CAN'T YOU LET THE CAT GO OUTSIDE?

In a city flat with a balcony. Bf also insists that because of the breed the cat is safer indoors...

@GonePenguin

In a city flat with a balcony. Bf also insists that because of the breed the cat is safer indoors...

Full breeds are at risk of being stolen it’s true. But that’s not a reason to keep an animal in captivity. If a particular breed specifically needs space to roam then that should be prioritised over security.

Oh it’s not even a matter of theft to him. He says the cat will pick fights and get hurt...

So he knows it's a violent, anti-social thug of a puss ?

It may get into fights. But cats don’t generally get badly hurt from them. A strong young male half Bengal will not have any problem seeing other cats off his territory. You’ve seen what he’s like.

Put it this way - I wouldn’t buy a Husky and then try and keep it in a small flat with no walks. For that you need a small lapdog.

He needs a quiet, timid, sleepy lap cat. Or preferably no cat at all.

Preaching to the choir: let a cat go be a cat.

I'm another person who wonders why you want to date / live with someone who is too selfish to look after his own cat properly.

Rehome the poor little soul. He deserves to be loved in a happy home.

Seriously, if I were you, I'd train the cat and keep him and ditch the boyfriend.

Your chances of training the cat are far higher than those of training the boyfriend.

Seriously.

I've got a half Bengal male (neutured). He is also sometimes a bastard. However, you can train them, and well. They have a very "pride" mentality and you have to have levels of authority. I am in charge, DH is on the outside, DD's are playmates. Arthur does roam about a lot, and he has got into scraps, but not badly. Bengals need a LOT of stimulation, and a LOT of food. Mine eats a few packets of wet a day, and always has a bowl of dry, is he being fed enough???? They get really grumpy if he is hungry.

Baaaahhhhh - would you ever keep yours indoors?

He’s neutered and would usually have 3 wet pouches (Felix stuff) a day. This morning I put my foot down and said I wouldn’t be feeding his cat. Bf is at work today and offered to shut the cat in the bedroom so it wouldn’t bother me?!?!? I said you couldn’t lock a cat in one room all day...and it’d make the problem of pent up energy worse once you let him out anyway

1. get a cat flap and let the cat outside, that will get rid of most of its energy
2. get bf tp feed it again, not your job
3. you can't train cats.

You and your bf sound equally awful and cruel OP. You've invaded the cat's home and now spray him with water. Please rehome the poor cat, he deserves to be loved or at least treated with basic decency, which you and your bf seem entirely incapable of.

I'd never keep a cat in - but that is just my opinion, rehoming def seems the best option which to be fair the OP is trying to do!

The cat was there first!sorry,yabu.

Your latest update makes me feel really sad for this cat. Your bf really is clueless and shutting this poor animal in a single room all day is actually quite cruel.
The creature is bored. Really bored.
Either let it out or rehome it.

Would happily take on the cat

@WeAreFromThePlanetDuplo

OP. WHY CAN'T YOU LET THE CAT GO OUTSIDE?

Bengals are liable to get stolen because they are a pedigree and cost lots of money. I don’t let mine outside. I am too scared they’ll get run over, trapped somewhere, poisoned or attacked by a dog. Too many risks.

@GonePenguin

Baaaahhhhh - would you ever keep yours indoors?

He’s neutered and would usually have 3 wet pouches (Felix stuff) a day. This morning I put my foot down and said I wouldn’t be feeding his cat. Bf is at work today and offered to shut the cat in the bedroom so it wouldn’t bother me?!?!? I said you couldn’t lock a cat in one room all day...and it’d make the problem of pent up energy worse once you let him out anyway

I don’t think it’s right that you refuse to feed the cat. When you moved in you should have known the cat was a part of the deal. You are a family now and that includes the cat, so you now have a duty of care which includes feeding him.

Please don’t shut the poor cat away. I have only ever done this in rare circumstances such as when a cat is recovering from an op (I used to foster so have had a fair few cats). Cats need company and stimulation, especially a Bengal.

Honestly if you can’t look after the poor cat then maybe you should look at rehoming it. The cat deserves to be in a home where all his needs are met including daily play and exercise. I doubt a Bengal cat would take long to find a new home. If you do rehome then make sure you go down the proper rescue route. Never rehome an animal on gumtree or fab, they could end up being used as bait for dog fighting and such.

I have a Bengal, a Savannah and a Maine Coon. The Bengal is the most dignified and will not take on any nonsense. They eat an awful lot - more than 3 sachets of Felix. They need a LOT of stimulation - mine go outside and play with each other indoors. I think your poor cat is bored, unstimulated and unhappy. Find it a new home.

This is only a half Bengal.

Owners who keep cats inside out of fear are really selfish imo.

None of my cats have ever been poisoned, trapped, run over or bitten by a dog.

Were I an animal I’d much rather enjoy a shorter life able to roam around in the sun and fresh air, than kept in captivity as a zoo animal by an owner too anxious to let me out.