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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“It’s me or the cat!”

258 replies

GonePenguin · 21/10/2020 23:30

Ok, not quite that dramatic/black and white ultimatum.

Moved in with bf. The cat is an utter bastard. He was shy for a few weeks - got him to nuzzle me in the mornings (he wants feeding) - but now he stalks and ambushes me. He doesn’t do this to bf. It’s more awful the three or so times a day he gets his ‘crazy 10 minutes’. I walk into rooms and have to check under sofas and beds etc so I can at least prepare myself for him scrambling after me with his claws out.

I really hate the damn cat. It does nothing but take, take, take. He’s 3 and half Bengal. My bf is never home and barely pays it any attention, but claims he loves it because he was there for him during dark periods. This cat is an indoor cat. Bf asks me that I feed the cat...even if he’s at home too. Ummm, he managed before I came along. Further, I love dogs but don’t have one because I haven’t the time to take care of it...so why have I now got to take on a bastard cat? Bf says it’s more like doing him (bf) a favour.

I’ve said I won’t live somewhere I get attacked/have to be on edge. Bf says he’s just playing and it’s his breed. My feelings still stand. Bf obviously won’t train the cat to behave (he doesn’t even play with him)...I’ve taken to arming myself with a water spray, but I still feel a prisoner/hostage in my own home.

I’d feel bad for my bf if we got rid of the cat...but I also genuinely think it's unreasonable of him to have got the cat in the first place.

So:

YABU - suck it up.
YANBU - it goes.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TatianaBis · 22/10/2020 09:24

Bengal and Burmese males are very energetic, boisterous and really need to be allowed outside to roam. They can have territories up to 5 miles wide. Both breeds either need another cat to play with an owner who’s around all the time. If you you leave them alone they will just cause chaos or try to escape.

Bf should have researched the breed before he bought.

They’re also quite territorial - that may be why he’s attacking OP. (His territory).

Meuniere · 22/10/2020 09:26

I’d like to know what PP who think you can’t train a cat say the OP should do?
So far I haven’t seen any answer bar the cat is bored’. And buy some toys.

I’d also like to understand why, if cats can’t be trained, the cat is behaving one way towards the OP but another towards the bf. If the issue was just about being bored, surely the cat would also attack the bf???

TatianaBis · 22/10/2020 09:26

No-one is going to want an aggressive half-Bengal.

Not true at all. Bengals even half are a sought after breed, and pure breed are expensive. He’s a young cat, he will find a new home.

It they’re in London Battersea could rehome him.

Hailtomyteeth · 22/10/2020 09:27

@Catmads
What do you expect? This is MN. People move shag- strangers in and expect their children to put up with
it, never mind their cats.

Meuniere · 22/10/2020 09:27

They’re also quite territorial - that may be why he’s attacking OP. (His territory).

That would make more sense @TatianaBis. In that case, why should the bf do to avoid the attacks in the OP?

Original poster
GonePenguin · 22/10/2020 09:30

DOES ANYONE WANT A CAT?!

OP posts:
stayorgo1 · 22/10/2020 09:32

Where are you I would consider rejoining him!

vanillandhoney · 22/10/2020 09:34

Maybe it would like you more if you stopped spraying it with water for, well, being a cat? Hmm

A cat that's scared is a cat that will lash out. My oldest is a rescue and even though we've had him almost three years, he will still hiss and lash out if he's backed into a corner or frightened.

The poor thing gets little interaction anyway, then you move into its home and start spraying it with water? Can you not see how wrong that is?

If you don't like the cat, move out. The cat was there first. I have three (and a dog) and if DH died and I met a new partner, they'd have to accept all my animals. It's their home and they were there first.

zafferana · 22/10/2020 09:34

@Catmads

Dear Mumsnetters

I am looking for some advice about a horrible situation I find myself living in and wonder if anyone can help me?

About 3 years ago I started living with this guy, it's been OK, he's a bit lazy and I really have to make an effort to get him to socialise with me but we've got on alright and I was reasonably happy.

Recently he moved a woman in with us and everything has changed.

He didn't ask me how I felt about it, he just did it.

I tried to be friendly with her at first, even when she started sleeping in my bed but as time has gone on I feel more and more pushed out.

I don't get his attention anymore as most of the time she gives me my food now but I can feel she does't like me.

Whenever I try to socialise with her, she's started spraying me with water and I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong?

It's a horrible way to live, I'm always on edge now and feel frightened in my own home.

Yours,

A confused cat

^This - every word of it.

If you don't like the cat, you need to leave OP. It's his home. He got there first. Go and have your stinky dog and leave this poor cat in peace.

Original poster
GonePenguin · 22/10/2020 09:36

leave the poor cat in peace

I do. I defend myself when it attacks me. Believe me, I don’t approach it or bother him.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2020 09:37

Whatever you do don’t have kids with him, he’s a wet lettuce who’ll shirk the hard graft onto you.

IncandescentSilver · 22/10/2020 09:43

Goodness, what a lot of projecting in thus thread.

The OP clearly isn't an animal lover and obviously the cat is upset by her sudden arrival in his home (not iest by having a water pistol fired at him regularly).

But now the boyfriend is virtually the devil incarnate, not permitted to reproduce and, in the future, will virtually have the OP working as a slave for him.

Clearly the solution is for both boyfriend and cat to move out, leaving the place for the OP to live in, in splendid cat-free isolation.

Tappering · 22/10/2020 09:45

I'm assuming that this is a troll.

You've had plenty of good advice on this thread, and yet you are continuing to ignore all of it.

If you were genuinely an animal lover, then you wouldn't be with someone who is such a negligent owner.

Bullshit.

Bluesheep8 · 22/10/2020 09:45

@Bluesheep8
Rest assured, I don't have pets, won't be having any more but I have had plenty in the past.

I'm just amazed that anyone who has had pets would suggest having one put to sleep just because circumstances have changed around it.Confused

zafferana · 22/10/2020 09:46

I will say this though - Bengals are not for inexperienced owners who are out all day. TBH, the BF sounds like a shit owner and he's moved in a GF who hates cats. The cat would definitely be better off in a more suitable household.

jessstan1 · 22/10/2020 10:01

Incandescent silver:

Clearly the solution is for both boyfriend and cat to move out, leaving the place for the OP to live in, in splendid cat-free isolation.
.....
Yes! Better still, she moves out as it is his place.

MessAllOver · 22/10/2020 10:09

Bf asks OP to feed the cat even when he is home as a "favour" to him... If that's not a prime example of shirking, I don't know what is.

There are plenty of men who don't pull their weight when children come along who give no warning signs... This isn't one of them. Heed them.

On the cat issue, I would say cat came first so cat stays if it wasn't patently obvious that the cat would be better off in another home, based on what the OP has said.

ZaraW · 22/10/2020 10:15

Loving the responses from the "experts" about putting the cat to sleep. Not the cats fault if the owner is shit. I have a Mau she's attacked my feet for years she thinks it's funny. She's high energy and goes out. If you wanted an indoor cat the bf should have got a different breed.

BurMaMa2 · 22/10/2020 10:16

I had a boyfriend once who said "would you like to get engaged?" Before I could politely fob him off, he said "but you'll have to get rid of the horse first - you spend more time with him than me". I replied that he knew where the door was, and to shut it after himself. He thought that I was joking and was very put out when he discovered that I certainly wasn't.
I still have horses and a "challenging" rescue cat. I'm retired now, and have a lot less money than I used to, but my animals get the best of everything, even if I live off Marmite sandwiches and cups of tea!

CatChant · 22/10/2020 10:21

Poor, poor cat. It's stuck indoors with nothing to do and no one to play with, and it's from a breed that is notorious for needing stimulation. No wonder it's attacking you - it's trying to play.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound fit to be in charge of a goldfish.

I think the cat needs a new home with owners who are prepared to put in some effort.

At least let the poor creature out. He sounds wholly unsuited to being an indoor cat and he might even find himself another home.

jessstan1 · 22/10/2020 10:22

@BurMaMa2

I had a boyfriend once who said "would you like to get engaged?" Before I could politely fob him off, he said "but you'll have to get rid of the horse first - you spend more time with him than me". I replied that he knew where the door was, and to shut it after himself. He thought that I was joking and was very put out when he discovered that I certainly wasn't. I still have horses and a "challenging" rescue cat. I'm retired now, and have a lot less money than I used to, but my animals get the best of everything, even if I live off Marmite sandwiches and cups of tea!
You're a girl after my own heart!
Original poster
GonePenguin · 22/10/2020 10:26

Bf bristling at idea of rehoming the cat. I set out the reasons you’ve all put forward as to why it’s better for the cat (and all concerned, frankly). Said he never should have gotten a cat (let alone that breed) in the first place. He’s whining that he can’t pay for a decision made in the past.

Long story short: ‘it’s so unfair to the cat’ isn’t getting through to him

OP posts:
MessAllOver · 22/10/2020 10:32

Re-home the cat and then re-home yourself. It will be the best thing for both of you.

MrsGulDukat · 22/10/2020 10:33

You know, you are probably the only one in the house that actually meets it's needs (mostly).

You're BF is a dick with neglecting to the cat. Poor thing must be bored shitless.

IncandescentSilver · 22/10/2020 10:40

If any boyfriend moved into my home and told me to rehome one of my animals, he would be shown the door.

So well done OP on finding such a timorous, easily controlled, man who you can control and mould to your ideal specifications, while simultabeously presenting yourself as the saviour of slightly bored housecats.

You know what they say about people who don't like animals...

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