To think this is too big an age gap?

[Sjapnowpls]

22 year old female and 29 year old male. I think they're at 2 different stages of their lives and surely very different maturity levels. AIBU?

[Justmuddlingalong]

Sorry, but unless the wedding's imminent, I think you're getting your knickers in a twist prematurely.

[Nitw1t]

YABU.

I was 29 when I met DH who was 37.

I outearned him 4 times, rented my own flat and had a career.

He was living in a friend's spare room and was on a sabbatical.

10 years, 2 kids and a mortgage later - all good.

We're surely ALL at different life stages than other people until we bring them into our life by forming a relationship, surely...

If he's manipulative, that's different, but it's not because of his age.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

As the mother of a woman of 23 who has lived independently since finishing Uni who is seeing a man of 27 who hasnt launched yet, I think YABU. It isnt the age, its the maturity.

However, DD is very self aware and has told her BF that they will not live together until he has paid his own rent and bills for at least a year! She also said "you are not moving from your mum to me!"

At least she has learned from my mistakes.

[sapnupuas]

I met my husband at 22 and he was 31.

10 years later and we are still going strong.

[Aahh99]

Depends on the maturity level of the 22 year old.
It's not a problem, I met my OH when I was 23, he was 31!
We've been together 7.5 years, have a 2 Yr old and one on the way.

[Slightlyunhinged]

This doesn't sound like a large age gap to me. I was 23 and in my final year at Uni when I met DH and he was 34 and a mature student. I'm now 60 and we've been married 35 years. In addition, there was the same age gap between my parents and they were happily married for 46 years. I think the actual number of years age difference isn't important, what matters is what the two individuals are like. Some one the same age as your DD could just as easily turn out to be manipulative. I'm sure that you have taught her the skills that she needs to navigate relationships, let her use them and try not to jump in before anything has actually gone wrong.

[FenellaVelour]

If this was anyone other than your daughter, I doubt it would even register. Not a big gap at all.

[StarUtopia]

My husband of 11 years was 22 when I met him - I was 36.

I'm sure plenty thought that was too big an age gap. They were all wrong!

[BrummyMum1]

If she’s got to the age of 23 and through uni without any kind of relationship / fling or boyfriend as you suggest then maybe she is immature for her age. My guess is that she just hasn’t filled you in on all the details.

[BrummyMum1]

*22

[goose1964]

I was 23 and DH was 32 when we met and he wasn't the oldest man I had a relationship with. I think my uncle was 19 years older than my aunt.

[AlexaShutUp]

It's fine. I was the same age when I met DH, similar age gap. It has never been an issue. We didn't get married for another 5 years, but we've been together for 25 years now. No power imbalances, really, except for the fact that I earn much more than he does.

[Yeahnahmum]

If the guy is 29 and the girl 23 then its fine as most men are just little boys at that age.
But the other way around? No way haha

[Muffinhead12]

There is 14 years between me and my dp, we have been together since I was 18- I'm almost 22.

Regardless of my own situation, I honestly wouldn't think anything of a 22 year old with a 29 year old.

[Ploughingthrough]

Yabu. I met DH at 23 and he was 29, turning 30 not too long after. We weren't really at different life stages other than I was training for my career and he was a couple of years into his.
We're doing fine 12 years and two children later!

[Hollyhobbi]

Both my sets of grandparents had a least a 20 year age gap. One set were married for 59 years until my granny died at the age of 79.

[Saracen]

You may well be right about the relationship. But that is something she can figure out for herself. What's the worst thing which is likely to happen?

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

It's not something that would concern me, no - but then my late DH was twice my age when we married and we were so happy together. There was no imbalance of any kind for us. Only thing that may concern me is the working together thing and what would happen if the relationship ended, because that could be awkward, but that's not an age thing, more a "don't shit where you eat" thing.

[MerchantOfVenom]

There’s obviously something that’s got your spidey senses tingling - but at this point, there’s little you can do, other than give him the benefit of the doubt.

Doing anything other than that at this point, will make it much less likely that your DD will come to you IF something goes wrong.

Be supportive, keep the lines of communication open, and you never know - it might all work out just fine.

[MerchantOfVenom]

Gretchen - the OP said they don’t work together, they’re just in the same industry.

[UnRavellingFast]

Tread carefully OP. Without context, this sounds an absolutely normal age gap. Interfere at the peril of damaging your rs with her. So what if he’s further ahead in his career? As long as they have equality in the rs.

[Kokeshi123]

I think the age gap is fine. I do think big age gaps are an issue, but seven years is not too large.

I don't know what your DD's feelings or plans are, but given the fact that men seem to mature a bit more slowly than women I would say that if a woman feels that she would like to marry in her 20s, it's probably better if the guy is a few years older than her. I know a few women who married fairly young by my standards---mid-20s. The two couples where the guy was a few years older than the woman are still together. The two couples where the guy was also mid-20s split up after a couple of years. The guys simply weren't ready and were not mature enough for marriage. I think they also felt like they wanted a few more years of fun (flirting, bar-hopping).

[Sjapnowpls]

@Kokeshi123

I think the age gap is fine. I do think big age gaps are an issue, but seven years is not too large.

I don't know what your DD's feelings or plans are, but given the fact that men seem to mature a bit more slowly than women I would say that if a woman feels that she would like to marry in her 20s, it's probably better if the guy is a few years older than her. I know a few women who married fairly young by my standards---mid-20s. The two couples where the guy was a few years older than the woman are still together. The two couples where the guy was also mid-20s split up after a couple of years. The guys simply weren't ready and were not mature enough for marriage. I think they also felt like they wanted a few more years of fun (flirting, bar-hopping).

This is interesting, I don't disagree. I know many couples when the man was too young to marry and started feeling 'trapped'.

He does seem to treat her well, although they differ on many huge things which she values highly so I'm not sure how sustainable this relationship is.

[Crystal87]

I don't think it's a huge gap and it's not shocking, but I think depending on the individual people it could be too big a gap. My DH is 29 and a father of 4, I'm a couple of years older. Looking back to when I was 22, I was a mother but I was still immature in some ways, compared to the way I am now. I think a person develops and matures a lot between between early 20s to early 30s.

[gamerchick]

He does seem to treat her well, although they differ on many huge things which she values highly so I'm not sure how sustainable this relationship is

That's for her to figure out, without your input unless she asks.