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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too big an age gap?

197 replies

Sjapnowpls · 21/10/2020 20:09

22 year old female and 29 year old male. I think they're at 2 different stages of their lives and surely very different maturity levels. AIBU?

OP posts:
SnowHare · 21/10/2020 20:57

Oh and I tell you what my DParents said when DSIS brought home DBIL.... 'Isn't it wonderful you have found someone you love and who loves you back'.

*DBIL is the same age as DMum.

MJMG2015 · 21/10/2020 20:57

Is your poor angelic DD being badly influenced & led astray by a nasty older man?

TheLastDigestive · 21/10/2020 20:57

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at two people of those ages dating.

Elphame · 21/10/2020 20:57

I met DP when I was 21 and he was 30.

We just celebrated 37 years together last month

nestisflown · 21/10/2020 20:58

Not at all- and the female brain matures quicker so it’s probably more equivalent to a 4 year gap in terms of maturity.

Even if the sexes were reversed, they are still within a decade of each other- anything less than 10 years doesn’t seem that massive an age gap once the youngest half of the relationship is age 20+

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 21/10/2020 20:59

Well there could be two 22 year olds who are at completely different points in their life. There are 29 year olds still living with their parents and 22 year olds who have two kids and a mortgage so based on age alone of course you can't say they're at different points in their life.

BogRollBOGOF · 21/10/2020 21:01

I was 20, DH 30.
Different stages, I was a student, he was a graduated mature student back in his professional role and well established in adult life.

We took it gently. Married 8 years later, still happy after nearly 20 years despite lockdown Wink

Quite a small gap compared to the 17 years between me and my sibling!

miaows · 21/10/2020 21:04

I pressed wrong vote by accident meant to hit yanu. That is nothing between ages. 13 between me and my partner.

Tatum1234 · 21/10/2020 21:05

7 years between dh and I. We’ve been together for 21 years since I was 18 and he was 25.

willowmelangell · 21/10/2020 21:06

Who are you related to?
The younger woman or the slightly older man?
Faint hint of a whiff of judgement here.
If you are female, surely you know, women mature earlier and faster.
If you are male, do you suspect the motives of the younger woman?

Obi73 · 21/10/2020 21:08

Really? Met when I was 20 and he was 29 - 26 years later still together and going strong. I still don’t get this obsession with age gaps 🙄

WithASpider · 21/10/2020 21:13

That's the gap between me and DH, I was 22 when we got together too! We've been married 16 years now.

I'm sure I read somewhere once that 7 years was the 'optimal' age gap too...

BlueJava · 21/10/2020 21:14

My DP was 19 and I was 29 - still together and I'm mid-fifties now. I don't think 22/29 is a problem. It's about the people not the age I think once i their twenties.

Grobagsforever · 21/10/2020 21:16

@Betty94

I mean no not really, my mum was 19 and my dad was 50 so I was expecting to see something as bad as that GrinGrin if two consenting adults want to be together then it's whatever
@Betty94

Pls say you made that up!

DartmoorChef · 21/10/2020 21:17

That's barely an age difference..

Im 51 and my DP is 38. Been together 7 years now and still very very happy. We don't notice a difference in age nor do our friends.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/10/2020 21:18

It really depends on the people. It’s less likely to work out than if they were both 29 but it’s not a given and I think it’s likely that neither of them are at a settling down stage yet, so wouldn’t say it was that much of a given that they are at different life stages.

Standrewsschool · 21/10/2020 21:18

I was 21 when met dh who is six years older than me.

I was not long out of uni, and he’d just moved into his first flat.

Been married over twenty years.

Betty94 · 21/10/2020 21:19

Sadly no, it's not something I approve of but nothing I can do about it plus I guess I wouldn't be here otherwise - I didn't follow in their footsteps my DH is only 2 years older than me

romeolovedjulliet · 21/10/2020 21:20

what's the story op, why are you asking ?
if they are happy the age difference is nothing, two consenting adults after all.

Hugosmugo · 21/10/2020 21:21

Still waiting for the age gap because surely 7 years isn't really a bit age gap?!

Alfiemoon1 · 21/10/2020 21:22

That’s not a big gap dh is 8 years older than me I met him at 17. We’ve been together 26 years married for 20 and have 2 teenage dc

overnightangel · 21/10/2020 21:24

YABU

Presumably the guy you fancy is 29 and has started seeing a 22 year old

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 21/10/2020 21:24

Meh I dated guys when I was 22 who were 30+

Not a big deal

CounsellorTroi · 21/10/2020 21:29

It’s fine. Not much of a gap. I was 28 and DH was 39 when we met. We’ve been happily married for 30 years,

AlwaysLatte · 21/10/2020 21:29

Definitely fine. 20 years between me and my husband and we've been very happily married for 15 years and together longer than that.

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