This is a bad reason to reject a potential secondary school, isn’t it?

[Bvop]

Went to a virtual open evening at a local girls’ school last night and I very quickly got a gut feeling it wasn’t the right place for DD. The thing that tipped my opinion was that the head of year was wearing an absolute face full of makeup, false lashes, eyeshadow, lips, cheeks and the works, and the head was similar. The head girl was similar but without the false lashes. I know I am judging, and I know things go deeper than looks but also I don’t want my dd to have this as the exemplar during her time at school. AIBU to strike this school off the list of potentials for this reason?

I can understand about your gut feeling. But single-sex schools are very much safer for girls, and I believe girls do better academically than in mixed-sex schools. Worth thinking about.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I can understand about your gut feeling. But single-sex schools are very much safer for girls, and I believe girls do better academically than in mixed-sex schools. Worth thinking about.

We have two other girls’ schools on the shortlist - both looked lovely and I could see DD fitting in there.

Role models are about behaviours for me. I couldn’t care less about make-up. Are they fair, hardworking, honest and kind?

“ I’m drawn to people like me.”

😂

Hmm. From a humankind perspective my n't who was a former missionary and wore the same crimplene frock every day wasn't a fabulous role model and didn't inspire much confidence. Dd's first HT at secondary was similar and utterly vile.

Her last and glamorous, heel wearing and wine sipping n't was absolutely marvellous.

Wow.. I can't believe this post. Not a good role model? Erm, why exactly? They are clearly qualified for their job roles. Just because you don't like it for YOU, or you don't think it looks nice? That's fine, but make sure you keep it to yourself as these women obviously do like it. Not everyone wears make up because they don't think they're good enough. Lots of people enjoy putting it on and the way they can experiment, the way it makes their features pop even more than they do already! It's fun. You're being ridiculous.

I have a feeling this post is going to end up on The Daily Fail.
Just to add my DD is at a state high school that is in the top 10% nationally. She always lacked confidence in Maths, which was related to primary. She was taught by a female teacher, who was dressed and made up every day. My DD is taking GCSES this year and is in set 1. I will be forever thankful to the glamorous teacher who set her on this path

@Bvop

I don’t want straggly hair and wrinkles: it’s that I don’t want DD ever to think that she’s not enough on her own. I am well presented - good hair cut, smart clothes, glasses that suit my face, but don’t wear make up to work - and this is the same among my colleagues. People might wear some very discreet make-up, but it’s subtle and smart rather than like a magazine shoot. This is my third dc going to secondary school and my boys just don’t have this sort of thing to deal with. I’m quite keen on single sex schools as girls tend to do better in STEM subjects, but probably won’t opt for this one.

You do sound terribly judgemental about people who wear a lot of make up, OP. What if your DD wants to wear a full face when she's the head girl's age?

“I don’t want straggly hair and wrinkles”

Wrinkles! God forbid.

This is vile, OP.

@flaviaritt

“I don’t want straggly hair and wrinkles”

Wrinkles! God forbid.

This is vile, OP.

This is out of context @flaviaritt. Another pp had suggested this was what I was insisting on, which wasn’t true: the thread was saying that I found it off-putting that the three women I saw at the open day were wearing very full on make-up. I am completely comfortable with wrinkles, and with more subtle make-up.

I’m drawn to people like me
It’s your DDs school not yours, you won’t be there every day.
You do know your little princess won’t be 11 forever, my DD15 has nothing whatsoever in common with herself at 11.
You are unbelievably narrow minded, I feel
sorry for your child to have such a narrow minded nasty mother.

What a vile and judgemental thread

No wonder so many women struggle with their self esteem when grown adults can't help but vilify everyone around them for choosing to wear different make up to them!

@MootingMirror

I'd be careful. My mum vetoed a school for me that she didn't like and told them very bluntly that I wouldn't be going there - I didn't get consulted. I went to a different school but due to changes in transport had to move to the 'vetoed' school and it was very embarrassing. Personally, I think it's a stupid reason to veto a school but it's not my decision and we have different opinions on many things I'm sure - what does DD think? FWIW I think schools are ridiculous when they ban makeup (and I was a teacher) - many professional workplaces expect makeup from women so it's absurd to ban it when schools are intended to prepare people for professional life. When many girls wore ghastly makeup when they were 13 and broke school rules, those who followed the rules wore that ghastly makeup at 19 instead and it's definitely worse that way.

seriously?

My dds are at an all girls school.

The girls just don't care about make up in school. Not allowed in years 7,8 and 9, small amount of natural looking in years 10 and 11.

None of them wear it. None of them are obssessed with it, none of them are getting comments from girls or boys about it. It is just a non issue at school.

My dd loves make up so was messing around with it from age 9 OUTSIDE of school. Never wears it for school, and has now got the worst of it out of her system, so wears sensible stuff out of school.

But as an adult professional woman, I never ever wear make up. Don't get it and don't like it, and I'm allergic to most of it, so I never wear wear any. I've done just fine thanks.

I am completely comfortable with wrinkles, and with more subtle make-up.

Just bizarre, OP. People aren’t their appearances. Unless you think your DD is going to start copying her HOY’s fashion choices (or, god forbid, her HT’s!) you probably have more chance of the full faces of make-up on staff putting your DD off ever wearing it than the other way round.

Anyway, this is very odd.

Wow. Please don’t discount women on the basis that they wear make up. You are doing my wonderful sixth formers, staff and colleagues a huge disservice. The world will soon be run by women like them.

So you prefer a different “successful woman” stereotype and you underestimate women who wear a lot of makeup.

I don’t think it’s a particularly good reason to turn a school down but whatever floats your boat.

@LizzieVereker

Wow. Please don’t discount women on the basis that they wear make up. You are doing my wonderful sixth formers, staff and colleagues a huge disservice. The world will soon be run by women like them.

No, AOC looks well-presented and professional. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid about that level of make-up.

AOC looks well-presented and professional. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid about that level of make-up.

It’s a full face of expensive slap though. Let’s at least be honest.

@umberellaonesie: I rejected a school for a similar reason, the teacher who put me off was later found to have groomed and be sleeping with a 15 year old.

@esmethurst: This comment cannot be real

Why not? Just because it's never happened to you, or to someone you know?

This happened to my DSis, just as she started Yr11. A female Drama NQT groomed her for several months which led to them having a sexual relationship before she turned 16. The Teacher was 28, was publicly "out" and had a lot of relationship experience. My DSis, on the other hand, had only ever had one boyfriend and had never before (or since) shown or talked about any romantic or sexual interest in females. It was a fiery 'relationship'; it felt like my DSis spent most of it in tears. It was horrible to watch and she wouldn't speak to, or let me tell, our DM.

The Teacher moved on to teach at a nearby 6th form college after a couple of years and there were reports that she would "choose" a girl in the lower sixth every other year, then work on building a relationship with her which would last until the end of the upper sixth - often breaking up with these girls during their 'A'-Levels, causing huge amounts of distress and jeopardising their results. It was quite disturbing.

So I'm happy for you and for those close to you that none of you have ever had to experience being groomed by a Teacher, but I assure you - it does happen.

@LizzieVereker

Wow. Please don’t discount women on the basis that they wear make up. You are doing my wonderful sixth formers, staff and colleagues a huge disservice. The world will soon be run by women like them.

And out of interest, what’s wrong with the way they look without make-up? Why are they not confident enough in their own skins to look like themselves? Are their make-up choices centred on male expectations of womanhood? How much of a tax on their day is make up application and removal? Is this the same for the wonderful male staff and sixth formers, or do they just get more free time to do the stuff they need to do?

I went to a girls school as did my mum. To be honest there are always varying cultures at these places, similarly mixed schools. When I was there it was in a town with other girls schools. Obviously there were some rivalries but, one thing about one of the others was clear. They all started in year 1 (as it was) a mixed bunch but by the time it came round to exams they were very identikit, same fashion choices, same few hairstyles, made up in similar ways. My school did it's own line in moulding us, but the idea of personal appearance was just that, personal. The other school definitely encouraged a certain look, and the most important teachers in the school also modelled the look. There are different agendas and ideas that teachers impart. Obviously not everyone will conform, but a lot will.
I'd trust your gut. But you could always take a walk around the time of the school kick out time. If there's a range of made up to scruffy as hell then I wouldn't worry on this particular thing.

(By the way I'm ok with as scruffy as hell I would be suspicious of a school where no child had that vibe because it's a thing kids sometimes don't prioritise, which I think is actually a good thing).

Whatever floats your boat in terms of school choices but you do come across pretty bitchy.

Perhaps the point I was trying to make wasn’t clear - which is that women can be extremely capable, effective professionals whether they wear no make up, some make up, or lots of make up. How much make up diminishes a woman’s professional standing in your opinion? And why does it diminish her? How do you feel about men who wear make up?

My Maths teacher in secondary school wore a ton of makeup and she was a phenomenal teacher. I have also worked with a lead practitioner in one school who is the best teacher I have ever come across. She is very well thought of in school by both students and other staff and she always wears full makeup to school, as well as always having manicured nails. I think you're being silly and VVU. Would you judge a male headteacher who wore an earring say, and too much aftershave? What does your DD think? Does she want to go there? What does the Ofsted report say? What is the headteacher's and head of year's track record? These are the important things to judge a school on, not whether the staff wear too much makeup.