This is a bad reason to reject a potential secondary school, isn’t it?

[Bvop]

Went to a virtual open evening at a local girls’ school last night and I very quickly got a gut feeling it wasn’t the right place for DD. The thing that tipped my opinion was that the head of year was wearing an absolute face full of makeup, false lashes, eyeshadow, lips, cheeks and the works, and the head was similar. The head girl was similar but without the false lashes. I know I am judging, and I know things go deeper than looks but also I don’t want my dd to have this as the exemplar during her time at school. AIBU to strike this school off the list of potentials for this reason?

So because you view yourself as ‘better’ because you’re SO smart and wear NO makeup you’re not choosing a school because of eyelashes?! My god 😂

Hopefully your Dd doesn’t pick up your horrid ways and makes judgements of people based on their merit.

Why shouldn't intelligent women wear make up?

You sound as if you would be happier with your daughter going to a school run by Miss Beale and Miss Buss because intelligent women must dress in bluestockings, plain garb and scrubbed faces.

Today, we don't have to prove a point like they did in days of your! Even the second female prime minister of this country had a penchant for fashion and wore make up-I don't think anyone thought she was a ditsy dolly!

Op, how would you feel about being judged for not wearing makeup and for wearing glasses ?
How would you feel if it was suggested that you weren’t up to your job because you didn’t look a certain way, eg you weren’t glamorous enough? You would be offended and rightly so.
I think you really need to examine your own prejudices.

Nope, not looking for an excuse to be judgemental, just that I am being honest with myself about what put me off the school. My dd isn’t into frills and ribbons and lip gloss, and I want her to go to a school where she can be herself. We’ve seen a couple of other girls’ schools where the pupils and teachers were well presented but not made up, and a few mixed schools, so we have plenty of other options.

Michelle Obama, Jacinda Arden, Ruth Bader Ginsberg .. all that make up! Terrible role models. I saw Michelle Obama on a chat show and she was wearing very high heeled boots that went over the knee. Jezebel!

I think the point is intelligent women can wear what the hell they like. I doubt every female in that school wears "frills ribbons and lip gloss".

Do beware of thinking every woman who does is thick and every woman who doesn't must be intelligent because your daughter will become a cropper if she swallows this.

Jesus, do you not think your Dd doesn’t like those things because her mother is so judgemental she’s worried you’ll think less of her?

Wow, sounds like you're projecting! You choose not to to wear any make up (which isn't that common) so to you, all women who wear what you deem to be too much make up are somehow weird?

I would be comfortable with the level of make up worn by Teresa May, RBG, Michelle Obama and Jacinda Ardern, all of whom are incredibly strong and intelligent women. Katie Price is also inspirational in a number of ways, but I don’t want my DD aspiring to that sort of look.

Op, what makes you think that your dd will be unable to express herself.? You have only seen two members of staff and the head girl and from that you have decided that the school is not right for your dd.

Michelle Obama wears false eyelashes, heavy bronzer and thick lip gloss. She looks fabulous. I find it extraordinary that the headteacher of this school looked in anyway like Katie Price.

Have you and your dd watched Legally Blonde? If you haven't then one of the main themes is not to judge a book by the cover.

Teenage girls usually don't aspire to be like their head teachers. They would find it an outrageous insult if you compared their make up to their teacher's.

I suspect that the women are heavily made up because the videos are on the public Internet so they want to look their best and a heavily made up look will show better on screen. The Head girl's friends and family are likely to watch this video and might screenshot or repost it on social media so she will want to look good.

Saying that I think that you should research the school's policies on makeup and sit outside the school one day after or before school and watch the girls going in. Sometimes schools have rules but they aren't enforced and vice versa. If the girls are generally not in heavy make up then it might be a case or the Head Girl wearing lots because she's in Sixth Form and doesn't want to look like she's still in y11.

Oh, so the problem is that you want to control your daughter more effectively and you're worried that her meeting women who make different choices to you will jeopardise that control.

Michelle Obama wears quite a lot of makeup and she is probably one of the most respected women in the world

I have to say, I wear false lashes everyday, also face makeup and fake tan (I realise this sounds awful, I don't mean like a clown though!😂).
I'd hate to be judged on the way I did my makeup but I also completely understand about role models for children etc, and young girls thinking it was 'normal' to look so overdone. I would not be over doing it was I a teacher though, and when I've previously worked in school kitchens, I've never worn my lashes nor makeup to be honest.
Your choice is your choice, do what you think is best-but I wouldn't tell them the reason if I were you.
Good luck in your school search!

The irony is that your daughter will probably end up wearing ten inches of Mac foundation, bronzer and three inch lashes

Why can’t you just love your Dd for who she is? Instead of trying to mould her into what YOU want her to be. She’s her own person, not an extension of you. If one day she wants to wear tons of makeup, that’s fine. It’s her life.

@senua

I judge [HT] on how well then run their school rather than what they look like. But it wasn't just the HT. It was HoY, too. AND the Head Girl. All wearing full slap. Not the sort of message a school should be sending out. Where's the diversity?

Are you suggesting that they should have chosen a HOY who doesn't wear make-up, because they already had a make-up wearer as head, just to be diverse?

YANBU there is a balance between allowing people to express themselves, wear make up etc and encouraging girls to dress up like a Kardashian. I wouldn’t want that for my daughter either.
But would depend on the other options.

Is there any evidence that the school encourages girls to look like the Kardashians? What a strange claim.

So your dd has a role model of a professional woman who wears no make up to work and she will find a diversity with the role models in school 🤷‍♀️

I don't wear make up to school when I teach most days (as I don't have the time in the morning) however if I was representing the school at an open night I would wear make up. Thankfully we live in a society that allows us that choice.

If you feel the vibe of the school isn't for your dd then I hope you do find one that works for you. That's what's important (though I would keep my judgement to myself as it's not something I would want to model for my daughter).

Well they do if senior staff are role modelling that “look”

It's ok OP, I totally understand where you're coming from.

YANBU.

I judge also. I wouldn't want my daughter anywhere near someone that doesn't wear make up because that just shows they have no aspirations, no care about how they look and are a slob. How disgusting! They must aspire to be the dredges of society.

Hmmm... doesn't sound so good on the other foot, does it?