This is a bad reason to reject a potential secondary school, isn’t it?

[Bvop]

Went to a virtual open evening at a local girls’ school last night and I very quickly got a gut feeling it wasn’t the right place for DD. The thing that tipped my opinion was that the head of year was wearing an absolute face full of makeup, false lashes, eyeshadow, lips, cheeks and the works, and the head was similar. The head girl was similar but without the false lashes. I know I am judging, and I know things go deeper than looks but also I don’t want my dd to have this as the exemplar during her time at school. AIBU to strike this school off the list of potentials for this reason?

I feel sad anyone thinks it is necessary and has low self-esteem

And if she had done the zoom call with zero make up , messy hair and chipped nail polish you'd have all come to the same conclusion I expect.

Would depend on whether they are also showing girls without make up etc in other material. I’d want to know whether it was truly an inclusive school where my daughter could be herself.

@nosswith

I agree with the OP, assuming that there are good alternatives. I feel sad anyone thinks it is necessary and has low self-esteem.

I think you may have got confused.

Make up isn't necessary.
Make up isn't always for self esteem.

I was put off a school because the head teacher couldn't walk in her high heels, though it wouldn't have been the deciding factor.

Some of the most successful female heads in the country are very glamorous.

I judge them on how well then run their school rather than what they look like.

It would put me off too OP. I don't have a problem with make-up, but I don't like too much, particularly one someone who is a role model for girls. There are false lashes and FALSE LASHES too. The OTT 'I'm going out tonight' look is inappropriate for a head teacher IMO.

Yes, I thing it would be unreasonable. I think it's important for your daughter to understand that you shouldn't judge people on their appearance and just because a woman likes make up doesn't mean she's thick or flirtatious or vain etc.

The virtual open evening is very significant. When was the last time you live-streamed yourself to several hundred strangers, never having done it before? If you had to do this would you make more effort than usual with your appearance?

I dont know about other people, but I picked my DC school for their exam results, level of work in the school, the cleanliness.

What someone puts on their face, had no bearing on my/my dc decision.

Honestly OP your post makes me quite sad.

I've been a head for a while. I live
a reasonably relaxed life, very good pay and I'm home every evening to spend enough time with my kids to make dinner/put them to bed etc. I get all my weekends with them and can afford quite a few luxuries in life.

It makes me sad that you wouldn't want your daughter to aspire to be someone like me because I wear heels and make up.

I teach the girls at my school to be who they choose and to not judge others for what they choose.

But that doesn't matter to you, does it?

I judge [HT] on how well then run their school rather than what they look like.
But it wasn't just the HT. It was HoY, too. AND the Head Girl. All wearing full slap.
Not the sort of message a school should be sending out. Where's the diversity?

Oh, it's an utterly ridiculous reason to reject a school.

They’ll have done it for the cameras. Really unfair to judge a school based on the amount of make up worn by staff on a virtual tour/talk.

@senua

I judge [HT] on how well then run their school rather than what they look like. But it wasn't just the HT. It was HoY, too. AND the Head Girl. All wearing full slap. Not the sort of message a school should be sending out. Where's the diversity?

If you met all three of them at a formal event would you judge them for dressing up or cast aspersions on their character?

It was a public event broadcast to hundreds of people, they want to show off their school and they obviously decided to make an effort. They don't have PR advisers. Just because it's not what you would have worn doesn't make them any less than you.

That's how most teenage girls look. I have some very capable girls in my A level group - all of them with heavy bronzer, false eyelashes and straightened hair. All high achievers. We're an outstanding school.

If you met all three of them at a formal event would you judge them for dressing up
There's dressing up and there's dressing up. These three obviously overdid it or OP wouldn't be commenting.

The poor headteacher! Trying to look professional and smart and being judged on her appearance. How sad. Look at the results and progress 8.

Role models are very very important, so don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

DD1 goes to an all girls school, and the head maybe wears lipstick, but very subdued, and the no make up policy is strictly enforced. I even got an email saying that DD1's skirt was an, 'inappropriate length...' after she hiked it up as the school policy was below the knew.

I'm not sure that I would judge a head based on false eyelashes alone, but if a sixth former was wearing them, I would ask questions about the policy and see if it was aligned with mine, keeping in mind these would be the values put forward as your DD is a teenager.

below the knee

How depressing. Why are women judging women for wearing make up, especially for a virtual event, where frankly, having spent the day online, I can understand why they all wore a lot of make up. Why can’t your daughter learn she can achieve in life as well as wear make up? Are the two incompatible? Does it make a difference?! I wear virtually none... my choice. I have colleagues in responsible, national positions at work that wear a lot. Neither is right or wrong. Women cannot win can they.

This sees ludicrous, if the scenario was reversed and I was complaining that these women had little make up on and poorly done hair I'd be lambasted, and rightly so. I would prioritise exam results, ethos and facilities.

Men don't have to endure this kind of scrutiny, a naff tie or looking suave, either way it's alright for them.

I also think you must have a very poor memory, as when I was at secondary school, my peers and I certainly didn't view our teachers as role models. I would spend more time policing the sources your DD will actually use for her idols like the dreaded instagram.

I think if you are shallow enough to judge the quality of the school and its education by what makeup their staff and students are wearing then it’s not the sort of school for you or your daughter. What were you expecting? A middle aged man with a grey suit? Would that have made you happier? Look at its grades and its Ofsted reports. Ask local friends and neighbours if their children are happy there. Look at what subjects and clubs and activities it offers for you daughter, rather than whether the head wears false eyelashes or not. Sheesh.

I really didn’t think this post is for real! So what if she looks glamour and makes an effort, it bears no resemblance to what’s between her ears

I think it’s very hard to get a true sense of a school virtually. It’s a bit like buying a house based on an online viewing, you get a distorted impression and some little things seem more important than maybe bigger things. (Commute, academics, facilities, teacher attrition)

If this is an indie school, can you include it at this stage and poss rule it out later. (Offer holders are likely to get a physical visit.) If this is a state school, how does it compare to alternatives?

Honestly this is a step away from well she was wearing a short skirt so asking for it!

What does it matter? Role models are more than looks, they are about women who are ambitious and pushing the boundaries in their careers or chose field.

I wear lash extensions, make up and do it for me. I own my own marketing agency and also for a stem based not for profit. What does it actually matter?