To feed my baby using plastic bottles. Just had a row with DP

[CassandrasCastle]

[https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2020/oct/19/bottle-fed-babies-swallow-millions-microplastics-day-study]
I have just been accused of not caring for our baby (formula fed since week 2. My decision, I couldn't take it anymore. I still don't think he completelyunderstands this.) because I'll continue to use plastic Tommee Tippee bottles after reading this Guardian article DP found today. He's usually incredibly wonderful and supportive, and I think I'm probably being a cow.
But we're currently not really speaking despite apologising to each other about outburst on both sides.
If I continue with the plastic bottles for 6 month old DD AIBU?

[Redolent]

There are many things that people did and thought 30 years ago, that we now find utterly unacceptable as a society. In another 30 years, babies’ ingestion of large amounts of microplastics may well be one of them. But we know that these attitudes change slowly and incrementally, not overnight - if manufacturers cotton on and provide alternatives, if further research emerges that calls for urgent change, then people will slowly change their behaviour too.

It takes time. But I can’t accept people’s stubbornness to countenance ANY change to traditional bottle feeding methods because “that’s what we’ve always done” and “we’re all alive aren’t we?” (as though western societies are uniformly ailment-free with impeccable health prognoses). People used to say that in the past about so many other things (“I turned out alright didn’t I??) where we now know better.

This still doesn’t mean the partner should demand an immediate change, but I’d expect a conversation and some mutual discussion of what we know so far.

[sqirrelfriends]

I would be upset too, maybe suggest that if he's worried he can fork out for some new glass bottles.

[Whathappenedtocheesychips]

What exactly did he say and what did you respond with OP?

[AlmostAlwyn]

I understand you're hurt and if you don't usually argue, it must not be a nice feeling, especially if you don't like conflict, but I don't think you should take this so personally (despite what your OH said about not wanting the best for your baby Heat of the moment thing he probably regrets?).

Everyone wants to do what's best for their baby, but you do your best with the knowledge that you have at the time. Should people feel bad that they were advised to wean from a few weeks old with (nutritionally questionable) things? Or bottle feed their baby condensed milk? Or put a baby in a car lying in a bassinet that wasn't strapped to anything at all? All things that were formerly advised, or not advised against.

History is full of bad practice, so perhaps plastic bottles will join the list in a few years, perhaps not. The scientists doing the study don't know what the effects might be, but I think personally I would accept this as new knowledge - know better, do better - so taking a few steps to prepare formula without heating the bottle, or getting glass ones would be a good idea.

Maybe take today to discuss with your partner what you can do together. If he would like you to start preparing formula in a different way though, I assume he's doing his share, not just handing out edicts for you to follow?

[Acdcccc]

@ArizonaRobbins "overly involved, OTT". are you serious right now!?

It's his child too for goodness sake. Men need to be more involved in their kids lives not less.

OP I know this must be a difficult time considering the difficulties breastfeeding but at the same time he has a good reason to be concerned

Not sure why this is news to people, these info has been out there for some time that you shouldn't eat hot food out of plastic containers

[CassandrasCastle]

Oh gads, sorry just waking up properly. He took the baby this morning, and I heard some mixing in glass container sounds...
Last night, he showed me the front page of the article on his screen and said he was worried about DDs plastic bottles. I said I had to make dinner, and would read it later - I had already made up a bottle (from perfect prep machine 🙀), and he said he felt uncomfortable with me feeding her it. I was tetchy, and told him that I couldn't be arsed with making another or his article. He said I didn't care about the baby.
Think that's how it went.

I will get glass bottles, although worried about breakage, if that makes him happy. I dunno, it all just feels a bit much atm

[lyralalala]

Let him get the glass bottles @CassandrasCastle

If he’s genuinely worried and it wasn’t just an excuse to have a go at you for not breastfeeding then let him research the bottles. The last thing you need is him having a go at you down the line when one breaks or something. This is his issue, you are ok with the bottles you have, so he can organise the new ones.

You should also be asking for an apology for the not caring comment because that was appalling.

[midnightstar66]

I think he's proposing glass bottles, or preparing the formula in a glass container then transferring to bottle. To be fair, I didn't give him much opportunity for propositions, after he suggested I might not care for DD

He can always take that on boards as a job if he wishes. Sounds time consuming to me and just another mums job to take on. You and your baby will be exposed to plastics constantly throughout your lives, as will we all.

[CassandrasCastle]

This morning, talk was very stilted. We just sort of orbited round the baby. Currently feeding her mashed banana from a silicone bowl...
I may write to him in a message today, setting out points a bit more clearly. I do tend to take offence if I perceive he's calling something I'm doing with the baby into question - he actually said yesterday 'my first thought is ,how am I going to broach this to you without you going mad'. Which is unfair, as I never shout or anything, maybe just shut conversation down now. Like I did about the evils of formula companies

[VinylDetective]

You and your baby will be exposed to plastics constantly throughout your lives, as will we all

Indeed. But look at the figures - this is from this morning’s Telegraph.

The researchers then used these figures to estimate how many microplastic particles babies may consume, based on data on national breastfeeding rates, to find that the average bottle-fed baby could be ingesting 1.6 million plastic microparticles every day during the first year of their lives. Adults are estimated to ingest around 100,000 microplastic particles annually

[CassandrasCastle]

Shit, I feel both guilty and lazy. (Same old then.)

[StatisticallyChallenged]

He wants you (and it will be you) to go from a perfect prep to mixing in one container, transferring to another, cooling... I'm also guessing if your baby is used to perfect prep bottles they won't take milk straight from the fridge either so even batch prepping (fine if done correctly) will be a pain as you will need to warm bottles. But if he's insistent I'd say that's probably the best choice - he can batch prep in whatever receptacle. I wouldn't be keen on glass bottles either at this stage though, my youngest is a thrower and would have shattered numerous glass bottles

[namechange8765433]

I think you're both stressed and tired with the new baby (and the recent overseas travel?) plus covid, plus usual life shit.

Sounds like he is concerned about what he read (I read that too yesterday and retrospectively worried about the 2/3 babies I had - now older kids - that I had to bottlefeed) and he wanted to change something to feel safer.

You don't want to change since it's too much to think about, the alternative he's suggested (glass) is worrying for you too and so on.

Sounds like you both love your baby and I'm sure you love each other. Try and find a resolution if you can that you're both happy with.

[Waveysnail]

Use cold water steriliser. Use prefect prep to make up in glass jug then pour into bottle from jug. Only 1 extra step.

[Bollss]

@VinylDetective

You and your baby will be exposed to plastics constantly throughout your lives, as will we all

Indeed. But look at the figures - this is from this morning’s Telegraph.

The researchers then used these figures to estimate how many microplastic particles babies may consume, based on data on national breastfeeding rates, to find that the average bottle-fed baby could be ingesting 1.6 million plastic microparticles every day during the first year of their lives. Adults are estimated to ingest around 100,000 microplastic particles annually

And what is the outcome of that?

[VinylDetective]

And what is the outcome of that?

We don’t know. Which I’d have thought was a good reason for not taking risks. There’s a lot of sense in @AlmostAlwyn’s post.

[Bollss]

@VinylDetective

And what is the outcome of that?

We don’t know. Which I’d have thought was a good reason for not taking risks. There’s a lot of sense in *@AlmostAlwyn*’s post.

We don't know but considering people have been using plastic bottles for many years and we are not randomly dropping dead I'd be wondering whether there's anything worth worrying about. Being a new mum is awful without someone whining on at you about microplastics without any evidence to say that they are in fact harmful.

[whereisthejoy]

Oh god as if I needed to read this and start worrying about another thing to do with my 2 year old carrying on bottles!

(Yes I know I shouldn't have clicked)

[Whathappenedtocheesychips]

Of course he was absolutely wrong to say you don't care, and I do wonder if there is an element of passive aggressiveness from him about not breastfeeding (did he read the research a couple of years ago about the levels of flame retardants in breast milk?)

But, from his perspective, I can understand it's frustrating if he does feel that his concerns are often shut down before they can be discussed. I have this with my DH who works with chemicals and is very casual about walking around our house in his work boots etc where the baby crawls. Of course there probably won't be an acute effect but endocrine disrupting chemicals which like some plastics may over a lifetime have a cumulative effect on development, cancer risk, fertility etc

I find it so upsetting when he just says "yes yes whatever" but thinks I'm talking rubbish and absolutely will not engage with any literature about it. All I want is for him to remove his boots at the door.

He also has a genetic condition for which there is a widely available lifestyle modification which literally takes less than 30 seconds a day and cuts risk of penetrance by up to 40% but he wouldn't do a thing about it until his consultant told him the same when the appointment came through a year later. It's so frustrating as it's his choice of course but he won't even entertain the conversation and shuts it down while meanwhile I knew that every year without made a significant, measurable difference (this is of course different to micro plastics, the effect of which is far more obscure)

[howaboutchocolate]

Take him along to the nearest primary school at drop off or pick up time. Ask him to pick out the breast fed/plastic bottle fed/glass bottle fed children.

That makes no difference when it's about long term health. We have no idea what kind of impact ingesting loads of microplastics has on our health. They could slowly leach hormone disruptors and increase risk of infertility, they could alter the gut and cause chronic health problems later in life like IBS etc.

But so could lots of things. And there is a lot of exposure to microplastics and plastic leaching from other sources too (clothing, toys, food containers (including the ones you buy food in - no point decanting cows milk from a plastic carton into a stainless steel cup!)).

We just have to minimise risk where we know it exists the best we can within our means.

An easy solution for the OP would be glass bottles. I used them for expressed milk and they were great, baby could hold them easily enough and even when dropped they were robust. The glass is so thick, it's not like a drinking glass. MAM and NUK make them, they're a ailable on amazon, and they have anti colic teat options. So I don't really see why people are so against glass bottles.

[Whathappenedtocheesychips]

@howaboutchocolate that's a great post

[RationalOne]

They sell glass feeding bottles on Amazon for a reasonable price. Very quick delivery too.

[EllieQ]

@CassandrasCastle

Oh gads, sorry just waking up properly. He took the baby this morning, and I heard some mixing in glass container sounds...
Last night, he showed me the front page of the article on his screen and said he was worried about DDs plastic bottles. I said I had to make dinner, and would read it later - I had already made up a bottle (from perfect prep machine 🙀), and he said he felt uncomfortable with me feeding her it. I was tetchy, and told him that I couldn't be arsed with making another or his article. He said I didn't care about the baby.
Think that's how it went.

I will get glass bottles, although worried about breakage, if that makes him happy. I dunno, it all just feels a bit much atm

So he expected you to stop everything to read the article and was annoyed when you didn’t (because you were busy!), and accused you of not caring about your daughter. When you were struggling with the decision to stop breastfeeding, you got lectured about the evil formula companies. He doesn’t sound supportive at all, while you’re isolated in a new country that you moved to for his work. What are your plans for going back home and going back to work?

I agree with the previous poster who said he should research and buy the new bottles/ work out how best to reduce the plastic risk, and he the one making up all the feeds using the new method. See if he’s so keen then.

[MadameBlobby]

Tell him to go fuck himself unless he’s going to take over all the feeding himself. There’s always got to be some story of doom about FF ing babies. When mine were small it was about bottles with BPA in them so then they all switched to BPA free, which was then fine, except now they aren’t.

I would ignore him and not give it another thought. Millions of babies have been bottle fed for years with no issues. She’ll be cutting her bottle consumption now she’s 6 months old anyway. Mine were off them completely at just over 12 months.

[seayork2020]

I used plastic ones but glass ones were around when ds was little, its funny when a woman accuses a man of not caring about their children MN goes into overdrive of 'you must leave him and take the kids with you' and other dramatics