To feed my baby using plastic bottles. Just had a row with DP

[CassandrasCastle]

[https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2020/oct/19/bottle-fed-babies-swallow-millions-microplastics-day-study]
I have just been accused of not caring for our baby (formula fed since week 2. My decision, I couldn't take it anymore. I still don't think he completelyunderstands this.) because I'll continue to use plastic Tommee Tippee bottles after reading this Guardian article DP found today. He's usually incredibly wonderful and supportive, and I think I'm probably being a cow.
But we're currently not really speaking despite apologising to each other about outburst on both sides.
If I continue with the plastic bottles for 6 month old DD AIBU?

That was could you bear to try stainless steel bottles? But then glass is fine as noone leaves a baby with a bottle so it doesn't matter if it's glass. Obviously yabu

Has he read the whole article? A scientist states it needs further investigation and that exposure levels are estimates so it's not a given that plastic bottles are suddenly too dangerous to use.

Well, until he gets his own tits out or is prepared to spend every mealtime holding a glass or metal bottle (despite the baby's natural desire to feed themselves from around six months, as a smack in the face with one of those will really hurt), he doesn't really get that much of a say, does he?

@ArizonaRobbins "overly involved" !? It's his child! If the baby is being fed formula, he should be exactly as involved in feeding the baby as she is!

I haven't read it, but if I agreed the plastic was an issue I'd cold water sterilise & make the bottles up in a glass jug. I would not feed the baby with a glass bottle as it's bad enough when they knock a plastic on onto their faces or want to hold them themselves.

How is his anxiety generally?

Genuine question - are plastic / rubber teats fine then?

Are you both sleep deprived right now? Everything's a drama when you can't sleep

Is your DP usually this anxious about your DD?
He probably means well, but he really needs to take a step back and relax, or he won't last the distance...

OP - is your baby healthy? If so carry on as you are doing. There are millions of things to worry about as they are growing up, don’t let this be one of them.

ohalrightthen yawn. My husband worked full time while I took a year of mat leave and did all the baby stuff (apart from at the weekends when we split it). I wanted it that way. If he’d come home and started criticising me and interfering in the way I was doing things I would not have given him the time of day.

I was (am) the primary caregiver. Giving an opinion is one thing but the OPs husband here is out of line.

He's got a bloody cheek to be accusing you of not caring. Why didn't he know about this issue until now? Where was his extensive research into bottles before the chosen ones were bought?

If he wants to switch to glass bottles then let him, but let him do the work. I bet he didn't bother his arse to get involved in organising buying the bottles before now.

I'm assuming using one of the alternative prep methods causes quite a bit more work? Is he happy to take on his fair share of that additional work or do you do all the bottle prep so you will have to sort it out?

It's a tough time with a small baby, everyone is knackered which doesn't help.

My friend's DH was very keen on using cloth nappies. She said she was quite happy to but she wasn't really up for the extra work it would involve but she'd happily leave it for him to deal with if it was important to him. I think the idea went away fairly quickly after that!

We used the Lifefactory glass bottles which come with a silicone sleeve so that they are much less likely to smash if they’re dropped. They’re expensive though!

By the way, at 6 month, you don't really need to sterilise everything anymore (have you noticed how she will put every toy in her mouth? Cleaning eating utensils with soap and warm water is enough)
And you can totally start using beakers instead of bottles.
And you can buy formula in premixed bottles (no need for boiling water)
So, lots of choices.

If you've already invested in BPA free bottles, keep using them. If he's genuinely concerned, he can always heat up the milk in a pan/glass/etc and transfer the milk to the bottles. But I would think it's even more wasteful to just bin something already in use to buy something else.

Surely the important question is who does most of the baby care in your household?

If he's an equal partner and shares the night feeds and nappy changes, then I think his views are as valid as yours and you should at least listen to him.

If it's always you doing it and up at night, sleep-deprived, preparing bottles, and he's issuing an executive order to his "subordinate", tell him to fuck off.

I breastfed. Loads of my friends bottle-fed. Nowt wrong with their kids.

Why would you not use glass bottles? So long as you can afford to. It’s a no brainier really. He should not have said that you don’t care. But maybe he was taken aback at your lack of willingness to go for a potentially safer option. I would use glass bottles for any baby henceforth.

@ArizonaRobbins

ohalrightthen yawn. My husband worked full time while I took a year of mat leave and did all the baby stuff (apart from at the weekends when we split it). I wanted it that way. If he’d come home and started criticising me and interfering in the way I was doing things I would not have given him the time of day.

I was (am) the primary caregiver. Giving an opinion is one thing but the OPs husband here is out of line.

Are you the OP? So you know how much her husband does?

How do you know her family is like yours, and not like mine, where i went back to work at 8 weeks and my husband took over being the full time parent.

A father cannot be over involved with a formula fed baby. End of. Even if he is not providing the care, he has equal say in how the child is cared for, because it is his child. Motherhood does not give us ownership, even if you're the full time parent. It's not the 1950s.

Now he's gone to bed 🙄
I just feel so hurt, he's so closed down now - we both hate confrontation, him more so.
Stainless steel bottles are a good idea...
But I just don't want to do all the extra steps needed to make the plastic 'safe'... DD is healthy - she's had one cold in her 6 months on earth. Sleeps pretty well.
He feeds her in the mornings, then I have her throughout the day. Usually feed her tea, he sometimes baths her, usually me while he finishes work.

Why do I feel so hurt and horrible

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

Why would you not use glass bottles? So long as you can afford to. It’s a no brainier really. He should not have said that you don’t care. But maybe he was taken aback at your lack of willingness to go for a potentially safer option. I would use glass bottles for any baby henceforth.

There's loads of reasons not to use glass bottles. Just off the top of my head..

1. They cost more.
2. They are breakable.
3. They are easier to get hold off/more widely available.
4. My child who was violently sick with colic and reflux was so much better health wise when I found the right bottle it would have been beyond cruel to make him suffer just so I didn't use plastic bottles.

Honestly OP there's nothing wtong with using plastic bottles. If he's so worried about this then life over the next few years is going to be very long and very stressful. There's about a million things more important to worry about.

Even if he is not providing the care, he has an equal say in how the child is cared for

Uh, no he doesn't... Because he's not there. The person providing the care gets to decide how the baby is cared for. The absent parent can express an opinion, but ultimately it's the parent on the ground who will be deciding how things are done. The OP is not a paid employee to be dictated to.

@CassandrasCastle

Now he's gone to bed 🙄 I just feel so hurt, he's so closed down now - we both hate confrontation, him more so. Stainless steel bottles are a good idea... But I just don't want to do all the extra steps needed to make the plastic 'safe'... DD is healthy - she's had one cold in her 6 months on earth. Sleeps pretty well. He feeds her in the mornings, then I have her throughout the day. Usually feed her tea, he sometimes baths her, usually me while he finishes work.

Why do I feel so hurt and horrible

You feel hurt because your husband accused you of not caring for your baby.

That's a nasty and cruel thing to say.

@Ohtherewearethen

What exactly is he suggesting as an alternative? How does he imagine your baby will get fed? He's as likely to produce breast milk as you are at this stage, with the right drugs. Why not suggest that to him and see what he says?

I’m very interested that there might be drugs that could make a man produce milk! Could this really be a thing?!

What a whinge I sound. We rarely argue - he really didn't like the switch to formula, like we were putting our trust in Danone or whoever rather than my body. He has always said that the most important thing is that I'm happy though, and accepts I'm happier not breastfeeding.