To feed my baby using plastic bottles. Just had a row with DP

[CassandrasCastle]

[https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2020/oct/19/bottle-fed-babies-swallow-millions-microplastics-day-study]
I have just been accused of not caring for our baby (formula fed since week 2. My decision, I couldn't take it anymore. I still don't think he completelyunderstands this.) because I'll continue to use plastic Tommee Tippee bottles after reading this Guardian article DP found today. He's usually incredibly wonderful and supportive, and I think I'm probably being a cow.
But we're currently not really speaking despite apologising to each other about outburst on both sides.
If I continue with the plastic bottles for 6 month old DD AIBU?

@CassandrasCastle

What a whinge I sound. We rarely argue - he really didn't like the switch to formula, like we were putting our trust in Danone or whoever rather than my body. He has always said that the most important thing is that I'm happy though, and accepts I'm happier not breastfeeding.

Sounds like this is another way to have a pop at you for stopping BF'ing

Stainless steel are pricier than glass ones. I personally still wouldn't switch either even after reading the article.

I had a massive go at DH over stuff like whether he touched his jeans between washing them and touching the sterilised bottle, or placing the knife he'd used to level the powder down on the (unsterile) counter, when DS2 was about 4 weeks old.

The thing was, I wanted to solely breastfeed. I had never really considered giving formula. When I ended up in a situation where I had to I somehow justified it by deciding that it was OK because I would do everything 10000% perfectly and this would make it better. Obviously that wasn't realistic - and it turned out to be newborn anxiety and some emotional stuff about wanting to be able to breastfeed fully. All of the different steps we do for formula prep (or ANYTHING) are failsafes, you don't actually need every single one of them to be right for it to be overall OK.

All humans come into contact with microplastics constantly. What does that mean for everyday life? For me, nothing, except I'm cautious about what I order from amazon - no shoddy Chinese knock off products. Should scientists try and work out how to reduce them? Yeah, probably. Should we all bend over backwards in everyday life and tie ourselves in knots in order to fix it? No. Before plastics, we were all breathing in soot constantly because we relied on fire to heat and cook with. Your parents probably smoked while giving you your bottle. There is constantly risk and non-optimal situations. Just chill and relax, trust the scientists to do their jobs and don't worry about it.

If she's 6 months now she'll be cutting down on her milk anyway as she ups her solid food intake.

I'd suggest he makes up 4/5/6 bottles in the new method and flash cools them and puts them at the back of the fridge for you to warm up the next day.

What? I didn’t even know glass baby bottles were a thing! Another thing to make Mum’s feel guilty about

DS has been bottle fed since 9 weeks when he went on nursing strike. We’ve always used Tommee Tippee bottles which we sterilised and now wash in the dishwasher (he’s now on a morning and evening bottle of full fat cows milk at 18 months).

Bloody dangerous giving a baby a glass bottle I’d have thought...

Aah Xposted - sounds like he still needs to work through his feelings about BFing. Of course what you do with your body is never his decision to make. But he probably still will have feelings about it - that's no bad thing, but he needs to own it himself and not put it on you.

Sounds like he's trying to make you not happier not-breastfeeding, OP.

Like he wants to keep you with an edge of guilt.

OP, I hated breastfeeding for the first couple of months. I eventually got the hang of it and it worked out for me but I felt "bullied" into it by everyone around me (DH, MIL, midwives, health visitor hugely pro it). Actually, DS spent the first two weeks of his life screaming with hunger and losing weight alarmingly because they were all so anti giving any formula and made me feel that it was "poison". Looking back, it was all complete nonsense and DS and I got on much better with it when the whole bloody lot of them went away and left us alone and I could slip him a bottle of formula now and then without an argument when it all got too much. Looking back, my only regret is letting him spend the first two weeks of his life hungry and upset.

The most important thing is that you are happy and that you have a happy, fed baby.

@Kaiserin

By the way, at 6 month, you don't really need to sterilise everything anymore (have you noticed how she will put every toy in her mouth? Cleaning eating utensils with soap and warm water is enough) And you can totally start using beakers instead of bottles. And you can buy formula in premixed bottles (no need for boiling water) So, lots of choices.

Bottles should be sterilised, irrespective of what else the baby is chewing/licking because of the rapidly growing bacteria from milk. They're not easy to get 100% properly clean, time after time.

Ready made milk is an expensive way to go about things for every day.

In my experience, nobody understands the guilt thing as well as people who have experienced it. I never experienced it, but I've come across many women who have. I don't buy that men aren't capable of the sort of empathy that I'm capable of. It's just easier for them to disbelieve it, dismiss it, rather than making the mental effort of trying to understand.

Your DH is a dick for saying you don't care for your baby. I'm sure he doesn't believe that. Babies can create tension, especially first babies. This is probably a culmination of things, for both of you. Just drop it for a few days, then talk about what really matters. Both of you need to listen to each other.

PS I used glass bottles over a decade ago. I just wasn't happy about putting plastic into the microwave. Totally hypocritical, as apparently you shouldn't microwave formula anyway. Whatever. We all do the best we can.

PPS I do think how your child is fed is something that both parents should have an equal say in UNLESS the mother is breastfeeding in which case every one else needs to butt out. Who actually makes the bottle/gives it to the child is not the determinant factor of what the child eats. The person who does the grocery shopping and cooking for tweens doesn't get to decide what they eat. Same goes for a baby.

I'm sitting waiting until giving DD her 10.30pm dream feed - from a plastic bottle - and just feel a bit of a muppet here on the sofa alone. (We're in a studio flat, I can see the bed from here and it's driving me mad...)

Would it be so hard to switch? Wouldn’t you just need to buy them and clean them same as a plastic bottle? Am I missing something? Do they have to be left out in moonlight for 48 hours and cleaned in sacred water by 12 virgins?

He was mean to say that you didn’t care. Maybe he should just buy them and give them a go?

He has always said that the most important thing is that I'm happy though

Well it's not is it, because he isn't just putting his valid opinion across so you can discuss it, he is berating you for not agreeing with him. Plastic bottles are fine, if he wants to purchase some glass ones (I would personally, we had 2 and one smashed easily which was scary) or whatever and use them and then that's up to him- but what he said was horrible.

Would not*

Whoever asked me about laziness - possibly? I have a baby, I am living in a new country trying to make friends during covid, I don't speak the language yet...it's all quite a lot. But I can also be lazy.

They are around £10 - 15 each and throwing away the old ones is contributing to plastic waste. If he wants you to use alternatives then he can source them and buy them

Jesus Christ! Scientists have found yet another stick to beat women with!

But to deal with the actual point of the thread - YANBU OP to keep using them. Though you can skip sterilising now she’s 6 months.

Feeding your child is so emotive - particularly when bf has been hard/not possible. He needs to be much more sensitive and back off.

This research is interesting but the way it’s presented is just going to make parents anxious.

It’s based on WHO recommendations for preparing feeds and sterilising bottles. This means advice relevant to every country in the world. In the U.K. it is not necessary to use pre boiled water to rinse bottles. Our water is safe for all ages to drink. It’s not necessary to boil bottles to sterilise. We have access to cold water methods.

Encouraging making up bottles in separate containers will cause more problems that it solves. Imagine I switch now and use a Pyrex jug to prepare feeds instead of the bottle. There will be an increased risk of measuring errors. Increased risk of contamination switching between containers or leaving milk to cool in the uncovered jug. I may be more likely to make up a large amount of milk in the jug in one go and store some for later again increasing contamination risk.

This is a preliminary finding. I don’t think anyone should be rushing to make changes on the back of it.

Oh for god sake, here’s another thing for me to worry about ! I’ve been feeding my dd with plastic bottles for the last fore months 😢.

I think he is a real jerk for suggesting you don’t care for your child! How insensitive and an awful thing to suggest.

OP, you've used plastic bottles for 6 months, just carry on using them.

I switched to glass briefly but stopped immediately when I accidentally knocked one off the side and it smashed all over the floor near DS

Give your DH a kick up the backside and stop feeling guilty

Why the drama? DP is concerned, glass bottles exist. If that would make him happier, just do that? No skin off your nose either way.

FWIW I used glass at home and plastic out and about.

The reason it says to rinse the bottles after sterilisation is to wash away microplastics that have been displaced by the sterilisation process

I think in the grand scheme there's so much chemical exposure these days that it's not a huge deal.

That said I am buying glass bottles if we use them for DC2 as just trying to avoid the exposures that we can. Teats (on all bottles including plastic) are generally medical grade silicone or natural rubber so not the same issue. For the same reason trying to avoid flame retardants on mattress etc.

This issue with plastics has been known for some time which is why we gradually replaced any plastic food containers at home with glass, and my toddler has great stainless steel sippy cups

But you can't cut everything out OP so it's probably not the end of the world! I think your DP is allowed to voice his concerns and go and get alternative bottles if he wants to though as it's his child too.

@PinkFondantFancy

Why the drama? DP is concerned, glass bottles exist. If that would make him happier, just do that? No skin off your nose either way.

FWIW I used glass at home and plastic out and about.

The 'drama' is not because of simply switching to glass, it is because OP has a husband who is implying she does not care about her baby

@CassandrasCastle

Whoever asked me about laziness - possibly? I have a baby, I am living in a new country trying to make friends during covid, I don't speak the language yet...it's all quite a lot. But I can also be lazy.

How did all that come about? And you're not married?