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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feed my baby using plastic bottles. Just had a row with DP

216 replies

CassandrasCastle · 19/10/2020 20:14

[https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2020/oct/19/bottle-fed-babies-swallow-millions-microplastics-day-study]
I have just been accused of not caring for our baby (formula fed since week 2. My decision, I couldn't take it anymore. I still don't think he completelyunderstands this.) because I'll continue to use plastic Tommee Tippee bottles after reading this Guardian article DP found today. He's usually incredibly wonderful and supportive, and I think I'm probably being a cow.
But we're currently not really speaking despite apologising to each other about outburst on both sides.
If I continue with the plastic bottles for 6 month old DD AIBU?

OP posts:
Namechangeme87 · 19/10/2020 21:34

This is bat shit

Makes me glad I’m single tbh . What fresh hell is this now ?? Ffs

mumwon · 19/10/2020 21:39

small point folks - you do know that water comes into the home via plastic pipes these days ...
just a thought
better than lead though
& as for stainless steel - how do you intend cleaning & sterilizing them? I would personal hate using something to feed baby that I couldn't check was clean enough by looking inside. & you cant use sterilizing tablets with stainless steel. & as pp says glass & baby accident waiting to happen

billy1966 · 19/10/2020 21:40

OP,
You mind yourself.

He's a right twat saying what he did.

Do not take it on board.

The cheek of him.

Not kind, not by a long shot.🙄

Flowers
NameChange30 · 19/10/2020 21:42

It was unkind of him to say you don't care about the baby, I hope he apologised for that and if not I hope he apologises in the morning.

If you're on maternity leave and he's working, and if you're looking after the baby most of the time, you should have final say really, but given that it's something he seems to feel strongly about, you might as well try glass bottles.

FWIW my DH is very anti-plastic so he didn't want to use plastic bottles either, he bought both glass and stainless steel - I think glass is better because you can see the contents (ie see how much milk is inside) and it's very sturdy so very unlikely to break.

The nursery staff did think we were a bit weird to use glass bottles as no one else did!

But it kept DH happy so I didn't mind. I pick my battles Wink (he didn't accuse me of not caring though! But we have said plenty of mean things we didn't mean in the sleep deprived baby phase Flowers)

AWryGiraffe · 19/10/2020 21:42

Try not to worry. We all consume microplastics every day. I chalk it up as one of those things and that babies have been fed with plastic bottles for a very long time. Whoever mentioned laziness is just looking for a reaction, ignore them.

I contemplated glass bottles, more for environmental reasons, but then I considered the average lifespan of a wine glass in my house and thought well that's a stupid idea.

saraclara · 19/10/2020 21:43

@MustWe

This research is interesting but the way it’s presented is just going to make parents anxious.

It’s based on WHO recommendations for preparing feeds and sterilising bottles. This means advice relevant to every country in the world. In the U.K. it is not necessary to use pre boiled water to rinse bottles. Our water is safe for all ages to drink. It’s not necessary to boil bottles to sterilise. We have access to cold water methods.

Encouraging making up bottles in separate containers will cause more problems that it solves. Imagine I switch now and use a Pyrex jug to prepare feeds instead of the bottle. There will be an increased risk of measuring errors. Increased risk of contamination switching between containers or leaving milk to cool in the uncovered jug. I may be more likely to make up a large amount of milk in the jug in one go and store some for later again increasing contamination risk.

This is a preliminary finding. I don’t think anyone should be rushing to make changes on the back of it.

Exactly.

Jeeze, I feel so sorry for the new mums of today. They get guilted about EVERYTHING.

This whole thing was only publicised today, and already people like the OP's DH are panicking. It's absolutely insane.

Absolutely no-one needs to change what they're doing overnight...if at all.

Dinocan · 19/10/2020 21:44

Bottle feeding a baby should be a completely joint responsibility and so decisions over it should be discussed. He is massively unreasonable to blame and guilt trip you. You are both unreasonable for not sitting down and having a calm discussion about what you’ll do going forwards and whether you want to change anything up based on this very new research.

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2020 21:45

@Dinocan

Bottle feeding a baby should be a completely joint responsibility and so decisions over it should be discussed. He is massively unreasonable to blame and guilt trip you. You are both unreasonable for not sitting down and having a calm discussion about what you’ll do going forwards and whether you want to change anything up based on this very new research.
How can it be a joint responsibility if one parent has gone back to work? Realistically, a parent who is working full time is not going to be able to do anything like half the feeds.
VinylDetective · 19/10/2020 21:48

@Ohalrightthen

He has a point - this was one of the many reasons we pushed through with breastfeeding, microplastics and carbon footprint. Both switching to glass bottles and making up feeds in a glass jug are good alternatives.

Tbh, if I'd brought something like this to my partner's attention and they'd shrugged and gone "fuck it, I'll stick with what I'm doing" i would similarly be pretty pissed off, and questioning how much they cared about the baby vs their own convenience.

Quite. The horror at a man’s concern about his child regularly ingesting microplastics on this thread is astounding.
nicky7654 · 19/10/2020 21:49

He is a twat!

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2020 21:50

Don't be so disingenuous.

It's not horror at a man's concern.

It's concern that a man imagines his horror should give him the right to impose his view on his wife.

Merename · 19/10/2020 21:53

Hmm, I’m not sure how I feel about this. The article makes me feel very uneasy about the plastic bowls and containers we microwave our kids’ food in. After reading the article
I immediately sent it to DH to ask his thoughts, as these kind of issues we definitely do share and decide on together.

I breastfeed so don’t have the bottle quandary but I know so many people who wrestled massively with their decision (or lack of choice due to pain/problems) and I hate to think of how this research would make them feel. Same as you I’m sure OP.

I think you and DH need to talk about what he said and what you both feel about the feeding issue. He is entitled to his view. But, he doesn’t know what it’s like to breastfeed and never will, so he needs to be respectful on that. You need to address some of the sore feelings you both have before even thinking of any practicalities on what you want to do with this information.

Lockdownmummy · 19/10/2020 21:54

Articles written like this really annoy me - if there was a clear, immediate danger this would be front page news. Micro plastics as a whole is something that we’ll hear more about over the next few years but this is not helpful for parents who are already stressed about a whole host of things!

OP you need an apology for being told you are uncaring, that is out of order. But you also need to come to a compromise over feeding. Maybe switch to cold water sterilising to reduce some of the heat exposure?

VinylDetective · 19/10/2020 22:01

if there was a clear, immediate danger this would be front page news

Of course it would - in the middle of a pandemic.

Merename · 19/10/2020 22:03

I disagree, Lockdown, I think that’s a naive view - our news is decided by a media controlled by powerful people with (largely financial) agendas - there are many dangerous or hugely important issues that go unreported in the news. But yes it is just an emerging science that the implications are unclear, so I understand the frustration at the suggestions of one study causing alarm as well.

slipperywhensparticus · 19/10/2020 22:03

I'm not horrified about his concern im horrified how he expressed his concern in a spiteful way to someone he is supposed to love and cherish

BTW he does know about the microplastics in his clothing right? So he is going naked from now on? I mean caring is sharing

LittleBearPad · 19/10/2020 22:11

@VinylDetective

if there was a clear, immediate danger this would be front page news

Of course it would - in the middle of a pandemic.

Of course it would

1 The pandemic’s boring!
2 If there were actually a risk it will affect far more humans than COVID given the number of babies who are bottlefed world wide.

mumwon · 19/10/2020 22:16

& don't forget op he has to nearest well with wooden bucket to avoid the plastic from the plastic water pipes!

Nottherealslimshady · 19/10/2020 22:17

I dont understand how it's all about YOU choosing to feed from plastic. Did he want to get and prepare glass bottles from the start or did he not care what he fed her with until just now? Not like you've gone behind his back. He needs go take some responsibly for his part in this decision. Whether he took an active role in the decision or just didnt care to contribute fo the decision.

lyralalala · 19/10/2020 22:18

Quite. The horror at a man’s concern about his child regularly ingesting microplastics on this thread is astounding.

Don't be so disingenuous. The issue is how he brought up his concerns and the fact he used it as an excuse to accuse his partner of not caring about their child. Especially given his unhappiness at said partner stopping breastfeeding.

Yeahnahmum · 19/10/2020 22:22

switch to stainless steel or glass. Baby still gets fed and husbanf is happy. Why are you deliberately putting your foot down and saying "you dont want to take that extra step". Its not that hard really. And it would mean a better home environment for everyone...

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/10/2020 22:23

I don’t think you need to sterilise after 6 months do you? Just wash the bottles up at a lower temperature and should be fine. Could be wrong though as I’m years away from this stage.

Or you could switch to glass bottles or start phasing out bottles and moving to some sort of cup?

Airyfairymarybeary · 19/10/2020 22:23

This is a proven scientific fact. Not a guilt trip.

dementedpixie · 19/10/2020 22:24

Yes you need to sterilise for as long as you use powdered formula

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/10/2020 22:24

YANBU tell him when he lactates he can decide how the baby is fed.