To be purposefully late?

[Crunchycadbury]

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

Yabu. If you choose for him to attend then he needs to be there. Especially if they only open 9-4.30 They will have a set routine for the day and will expect participation.

Swap the days? Find a nursery which will let you book a 10-4 session?

Not unreasonable at all. Never understood nurseries that operate like that. Just tell them that 9am doesn’t work for you and you will be bringing them between X and Y time.

Is this a nursery attached to a school? We used private ones where you choose your own hours entirely.

We pay for 7-5.30 3 days a week for DD but she sometimes doesn't get there till 7.45 or 8. Would that be a different option?

My comment above assumes it's a school nursery (preschool) rather than a full private day nursery.

Why don't you take them later? Then again, I'm assuming if they are at nursery, they are still little and you'd still need to get up with them anyway?

It’s pretty disruptive for everyone for one child to come in late I would have thought? I wouldn’t say nursery are fussy for stating a start time, it’s the hours they operate and it’s what they are able to support. If everyone decided they were coming when they wanted there would be no routine and it would make their life much harder. Plus how will your own child feel walking in late - it could upset them.
for your insomnia - it’s really shit.

But that is the hours?

If you don’t want children to attend then send to an afternoon only nursery.

Particularly at the moment everywhere has fixed arrival and leaving times to allow the gate to be opened etc

When the children are at school you won’t be able to be late.

As long as you let them know in advance its not unreasonable

If it’s school nursery, you need to stick to the hours. It’s super disruptive.

Thank you for the replies.

The nursery isn't attatched to a school no, it's private.

To give an example of what I mean by fussy: we were running late on one occasion and they called to see where he was.

I appreciate what people are saying about not causing disruption to the rest of the children, I'm just so drained.

I have another, smaller, child here to look after too and I'm no use to anybody when I'm running on empty and grouchy from lack of sleep.

When DS isn't at nursery the children will sleep in until around 8.30 - 9.00am. It's not ideal and not sustainable forever esp when they start school, but it works for me at the moment with work.

I know how awful insomnia is trust me. But you can't get them in the habit of being late to suit you. You're setting yourself up for them thinking it's fine to go into school at whatever time suits them when they start and as pp said it's not fair on the staff and other children. Can you have everything sorted the night before so it's quicker and easier and then get back into bed once you're home? Even if you don't sleep the rest for an hour or two helps.

The point about whether it’s a school nursery or private is crucial here.

If your view is “nursery is not compulsory” and you’re struggling with the routine, why not just stop taking him? I’d imagine your answer is no, because it’s good for him, good for you once he’s there etc. So if you want the benefit it brings, then you have to comply to the routine. Give and take.

I don't get this. You've chosen to use a nursery where the location and times don't really suit you. I assume they have a time for drop off so they can get the groups settled and staff can move from the meet and greet situation to looking after the group. If everyone turned up when they felt like it it would be a pain for them . You can ask to have different hours but I can see why they stick to their routine. How would your children cope with arriving late ?

Imagine if every parent wanted their own timetable.
If you don't want to follow theirs try a childminder who might be more flexible.

Not sure if this is the case but if/when your child receives funding they need to be in for the hours that are being claimed for. I believe as well it's the norm for nurseries to call to find out where a child is if they are late in case something has happened. If you feel it would suit you to change the hours have a chat with nursery to see what they can do.

Have you actually discussed it with them? If it’s funded hours I guess they are worried about you wanting to use them otherwise so be sure to let them know you don’t.

I can be purposefully late - if DS oversleeps because he’s had a bad night we are late I don’t get him up 😱

If you can't conform to their timetable maybe you should look for another nursery more suited to your needs.

For context he's only 2, if that makes any difference. I see PP's points about not setting a precedent that being late is acceptable, for school.

Perhaps I have the wrong mindset in wanting flexibility, it's only because nursery isn't legally compulsory and sending him is supposed to (to me) be beneficial for us both.

I don't want to take him out as it's good for him, and me, to have some time away from home.

I'm just so drained.

Funded hours yes.

The timetable did suit me until my working circumstances changed and my work hours aren't negotiable.

I don't understand why the child is in a paid for nursery when it doesn't suit you?

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

It’s not ‘fussy’. It’s because it’s a pre-school setting (not a childcare day nursery for babies upwards) and they’re following a curriculum to get them ready for school.

They call you to check where you are because it’s part of their safeguarding procedures. If you’re running late, you should call them.

If the routine isn’t working for you, and if, as you say, it’s not compulsory, just don’t send him.

But don’t try to dictate their day to suit yours.

If it’s an issue because you work weekend evenings and his nursery days are Monday & Tuesday, then see if you can change to different days, swapping off Monday at least.

When I read your post I rolled my eyes and thought you were being unreasonable but when I saw your update that it's a private nursery I totally changed my mind and he's only 2!!!

Can't you just stop going? Or negotiate with them at the very least? If it doesn't work for you I'd get rid of it.

X-post with him being only 2. Still - if he’s 2 going on 3 then it’ll be pre-school soon enough.

Ask to change days.

I had no idea private nurseries had hours they insisted on. With both the ones we've used you use the hours you want and just stick to those once agreed. If I wanted to have one day of 10-2, another day of 7-5 and one of 1-5 of whatever that would be fine as long as they had the right staff ratios in.

Sounds like looking around for a more flexible one would be beneficial.

From 3+ you’ll probably find some more options which work better for you - afternoon sessions at a school nursery, for instance, or preschool groups that are 10-2. But if you want any him to be at nursery now, then you have to suck up the timetable.