To be purposefully late?

[Crunchycadbury]

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

Can't you send him on a different day - one when you haven't been working late the night before?

What about a childminder instead? Mine goes to a childminder two days a week and we get there anytime between 8 and 09.30 which is fine by our CM.

@RuggerHug

I know how awful insomnia is trust me. But you can't get them in the habit of being late to suit you. You're setting yourself up for them thinking it's fine to go into school at whatever time suits them when they start and as pp said it's not fair on the staff and other children. Can you have everything sorted the night before so it's quicker and easier and then get back into bed once you're home? Even if you don't sleep the rest for an hour or two helps.

The child is 2. They have no idea what time it is

Is their dad home? Can ds go in earlier so dh can drop him in?

@gggrrrargh

What about a childminder instead? Mine goes to a childminder two days a week and we get there anytime between 8 and 09.30 which is fine by our CM.

I agree with this. You’d be better off with a childminder where you could work out more flexible hours. Some also pick up, which will help you. Maybe nursery isn’t the right setting for you.

Surprised by this thread. Our nursery was completely flexible — not that we really deviated from normal hours. But no way would they have minded if we needed a later start on certain days.

It’s childcare for tiny children; it’s not school or an office job. Circle time isn’t some kind of unmissable briefing meeting.

As for “setting them up” to think lateness is fine — arranging a childcare schedule so that it suits your family’s actual needs is not the same as randomly, habitually being late for things.

The nursery I used was flexible. You're paying for their help, just tell the issues and see if you can drop off later - just don't expect a discount! Or as others have said, just switch your days to Wednesday and Thursday.

I really feel for you; insomnia is the pits. I struggle to sleep every night and that horrid zombie feeling is just awful.

The calling might be a safeguarding thing to be fair

They called to check where he was, no doubt because they have a duty of care, and anything could have happened on route. Do you not phone if you're running late? If it isn't working for you, do they do afternoon sessions he could go to instead of mornings/full day?

Considering its a private nursery, they are there for childcare and shouldn't get to dictate a start time to parents. Once he goes into funded places thats different. I would find another nursery or a childminder.

Assuming the dad isn't around?

TBH you need to get to the GP about your insomnia - it's awful.

When I had a newborn and was often late they asked DD was in by 9 latest so it didn't disrupt the others. They probably called because they wanted to fix ratios, if your son wasn't coming in they may not have needed all the staff or would have put 2 classes together.

@64sNewName

Surprised by this thread. Our nursery was completely flexible — not that we really deviated from normal hours. But no way would they have minded if we needed a later start on certain days.

It’s childcare for tiny children; it’s not school or an office job. Circle time isn’t some kind of unmissable briefing meeting.

As for “setting them up” to think lateness is fine — arranging a childcare schedule so that it suits your family’s actual needs is not the same as randomly, habitually being late for things.

Totally agree. I'm of the opinion a burnt out Mum can not function or having people adding pressure when we all don't fit the mould, it all workplaces have great work hours Try and speak to someone to adjust it or find some other alternative? Glad you know your limitations

He’s 2?! I’m surprised there is such rigidity about when he is supposed to be dropped off. I think you should do what suits him and you, which if he is sleeping until 8:30, is keeping him sleeping until 8:30. That may mean you need to change centres though.

Gosh with the private nursery we used, you could arrive at any time. I find it strange that they’re not all like that!

A different day I suggest you explore. Lateness even if with warning is not a good thing I feel and agree with the nursery view on this.

Can you change to afternoon sessions?

Dad is around yes but he has to be out of the house even earlier than I do.

The hours we paid for at our private nursery were 7-7. Our dc generally started between 8:30-9:30 and were picked up anytime between 4-6:30 depending on our work schedules.

I don't think YABU. Maybe you should look for another nursery that doesn't rigidly enforce the times. Your dc is only 2 and it doesn't sound as though you don't care and will continue this into started school so don't worry about that. Sleep is important for everyone, far more necessary than nursery for a 2 year old.

I’ve never heard of that either. I chose the hours my children would do and the nursery had no problem with that. I did however stick to the same hours. I didn’t chop and change them each week.

Either don’t send him or find another more flexible nursery that suits your needs.

Also I have seen the GP about the insomnia. They provided a short course of promazathine hydrochloride then wouldn't re-prescribe.

I have been taking Nytol but it doesn't work well.

I've done all the usual suggestions for practicing good sleep hygiene and nothing has helped.

Can't you change the days? Or just let them know that on Mondays you'll arrive at 10, for example. Or just cancel Mondays.

Do you get any funded ours for your child?

When I had DS2, I was often late getting DS1 to nursery as life was hectic. Nursery didn’t mind. However, they then got audited, and it was noted that my DS was regularly about 30 minutes later arriving than his official start time. This made it look as if the nursery were fraudulently claiming government money for a child who wasn’t there. They were told to pay back the money .

Maybe yours is a similar situation.

When I signed him up I was asked what days I wanted and I chose Monday and Tuesday because that worked for me at the time. I wasn't offered half days so I don't know it's that's possible. I will have a chat with the nursery and ask whether I can change.

He gets 15 hours funded yes