To be purposefully late?

[Crunchycadbury]

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

Late starters are pretty disruptive to the group. See if you can arrange a 10am start instead? Or keep him at home.

@Beautiful3

Late starters are pretty disruptive to the group. See if you can arrange a 10am start instead? Or keep him at home.

What? At nursery?!

My kids' nurseries didn't have a start time. Were all the DC disrupted then?

What is it you think DC do at nursery all day? In a decent nursery, they should be playing in various ways, not doing overly structured, adult-led activities all day.

If the nursery can't organise the mornings so that children aren't disrupted by others coming in after them, that's not a very well thought out nursery IMO.

Do other nurseries not have strict covid procedures at the moment? That's one of the main reasons ours is being strict about timings - no parents are allowed in the building so a member of staff from the child's bubble has to come outside to pick them up. In order to do this, they have to wear PPE (normally apron, mask, visor and gloves). I can see why they'd only want to do that at set times rather than having to go backwards and forwards a lot.

@mynameiscalypso

Do other nurseries not have strict covid procedures at the moment? That's one of the main reasons ours is being strict about timings - no parents are allowed in the building so a member of staff from the child's bubble has to come outside to pick them up. In order to do this, they have to wear PPE (normally apron, mask, visor and gloves). I can see why they'd only want to do that at set times rather than having to go backwards and forwards a lot.

DS's nursery doesn't allow parents in so they have to come to the gate, but you just press a buzzer and they come. They don't wear PPE. Surely there's a big downside to having a fixed time for Covid reasons, which is that it must mean that everyone congregates at once for drop-off and pick-up? I often don't see another parent at all and there's rarely more than two or three of us waiting for them to come to the gate.

You are a little overwhelmed. Much as I'd expect with two young children and a weekend job. You are coping it's just hard and you are sleep deprived. They are a very intense setting (I am a speech therapist and work in lot sod settings I can imagine just what they are like) they will be a good setting they just don't quiet suit you. That's ok. Look for pm sessions or consider a move to a setting that alines better with you.

Lateness can be part of a safeguarding concern but at compulsory school age not for two year old funding.

This is all feeding into a big snowball of stress for you which is not helping your insomnia at all. Hugs x

The strict approach to being there at 9am isn't due to covid, it's just the way they do things.

The only explanation I've had has been not wanting DS (and I assume every other child) to miss circle time which is the first activity of the day.

It may be that they think circle time primes the children for a good day, I've no idea why else it would be so important.

DS day there consists of circle time and alot of playing, both freely and in structured activities like painting, exploring numbers etc.

@Hardbackwriter The bubbles have staggered start slots so you can arrive within that slot and it will just be the children in your child's bubble if that makes sense.

Thank you 3L's I am overwhelmed yes and they are an intense setting

I like them, they're nice people, but very full on.

Yes yabu, he's on funded hours and if he isn't there then they can't actually claim. They can also withdraw the funding to the nursery if he's often not there when supposed to be in terms of claiming

I'm still waiting to be told who these reports go to, when children are late for nursery? Police? Social Services? The Stasi? And what they then do with these reports.

It couldn't just be people waving the word "safeguarding" around like some kind of magical sword, without having a clue what they are talking about, could it?

@CupidStunt2020

I'm still waiting to be told who these reports go to, when children are late for nursery? Police? Social Services? The Stasi? And what they then do with these reports.

It couldn't just be people waving the word "safeguarding" around like some kind of magical sword, without having a clue what they are talking about, could it?

i imagine the reports go to children's services.

they do make reports to social services, i know, if a child is consistently being late picked up for example. they have a duty of care.

Blimey, that sounds hard work. Have you considered a childminder? I used to childmind and didn't care when kids turned up as long as parents gave me the heads up so I wasn't waiting in for them with no idea of an eta.

The Stasi, that made me smile.

I would be interested to know where the reports go to aswell, especially due to the fact I run the risk of that happening to me if true.

I just want to say that I have no intention of deliberate lateness when the children go to school, I just didn't expect it to be a huge problem with nursery.

If it's due to needing to use the full 15 hours I'm happy to swap days or move to afternoons to ensure he fills the hours, I just don't know how the nursery will feel about that. We'll see.

I honestly think you'd be far better off finding a new nursery or a childminder. This isn't school and he's only two for goodness sake! You've booked him in for his socialisation and to give yourself a break, not to add to your stress and make you start questioning yourself! They seem very inflexible regarding times so I'd go for afternoon sessions or change to somewhere else. Sleep wise I expect not getting time to wind down isn't helping, I think once you sort this issue with nursery your sleeping will improve.

I haven't looked into a childminder no, do they accept the 2 year olds 15 free hours funding? If so I will consider it.

Aside the fact this nursery are quite full on and strict, I do like them. DS likes them. I'm hoping we can reach a compromise.

I’ve never heard of a private nursery insisting on start times - I mean that’s literally the whole point of using one, that you can fit dropping them off and picking them up into your schedule. They fill that gap that a school nursery with school hours can’t cater for.

i imagine the reports go to children's services

I imagine childrens services (if you mean social services), getting these reports and saying "what the fuck are these people doing telling us every time Tarquin is 10 minutes late for circle time? Don't they know we are underfunded and overstretched that we can't even get to reports of actual abuse"

they do make reports to social services, i know, if a child is consistently being late picked up for example. they have a duty of care

Thats not even slightly the same thing is it?

they do make reports to social services, i know, if a child is consistently being late picked up for example. they have a duty of care

A parent being late to pick up their child is entirely different to a parent dropping their child off at nursery after the start of a session.

Some might do yeah, depending on how it's run in your area.

@CupidStunt2020

children's services is the name

Social services for a child being late to nursery, crikey that's scary.

My youngest has just fallen asleep on the sofa knackered, she doesn't enjoy being woken up and made to get ready at the crack of dawn either. i know that's not the nurseries problem I'm just having a moan

[quote mynameiscalypso]@Hardbackwriter The bubbles have staggered start slots so you can arrive within that slot and it will just be the children in your child's bubble if that makes sense.[/quote]
Is it a school nursery or a pre-school type thing? I can't imagine many parents at a private nursery being pleased to be given a slot that might affect their working hours - that's the sort of flexibility you're paying for with a private nursery as opposed to a pre-school or school nursery and why not many working parents do/can use the 9-3 type settings.

I haven't looked into a childminder no, do they accept the 2 year olds 15 free hours funding? If so I will consider it.

Yes they do. Childminders are just as much part of Early Years provision as nurseries are. They are inspected by OFSTED, same as nurseries. (Unless this has changed in the last few years).

they have a duty of care either way.

just speak to them op
you cant blame them for wanting a specific start

they do make reports to social services, i know, if a child is consistently being late picked up for example. they have a duty of care
Which is different to being "late" to arriving. We pay for 7-5.30 3 days a week. Realistically DD is rarely there before 7.30 but we like the flexibility of being able to go earlier as we've paid for it. If she wasn't there till 9 one day I would give them a call as a courtesy but I'd be letting them know, not asking permission and she would have missed breakfast.

Same with pick up. We lay till 5.30 but are usually there by about 5. Depends which of us is picking up. This week I was planning on getting her more like 3.30 because of being off and having dinner plans altogether. Will mention it at drop-off, still just informing not asking permission.

No Covid bubbles either. Makes it much easier for people to turn up at random times to avoid times pressure at the entrance I'd have thought.