Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be purposefully late?

269 replies

Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 08:19

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 19/10/2020 09:16

It sounds like your lack of decent sleep and your insomnia is the biggest problem,I suffer with the same have you tried taking anything to help you sleep Crunchycadbury if you don't want to take prescribed sleeping tablets(I get a prescription from my Dr and the tablets I'm on have been a God send) there are lots of herbal sleeping remedies and sleep sprays that you can stick onto your pillow that are supposed to help.

I hope you find something that works for you because longterm lack of sleep really does suck and can lower your immune system which then makes you feel ever worse because you end up catching everything going.

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 09:28

Thank you ohthe

I've tried both perception (promazathine) and herbal (nytol) and whilst the former helped, the GP wasn't happy to keep prescribing.

Sominex OTC doesn't help
Nytol does slightly but not sustainable

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/10/2020 09:29

Insomnia I cannot help with though magnesium/tryptophan and CBD oil has helped me

But your nursery is taking themselves and their offer too seriously. They are a childcare provider and they need to be more flexible. Circle time is lovely, but at 2 it's better for his wellbeing to stick to his natural sleep times. Just tell them when he will be arriving, so they know.

YANBU.

lucie8881 · 19/10/2020 09:35

I use a private nursery for my 2 year old, it too is a funded place.

We picked from the available sessions and he goes 2 afternoons a week. We don't use the full 15 hours as the only other availability was mornings and that doesn't suit.

There is some variance in the time I drop him off, I never really thought it as an issue and the nursery have never mentioned. I thought of it as a service being provided as oppose to a commitment we have made.

In regard to a late comer causing disruption to the group, the little ones are pretty much all doing their own thing. There's a loose structure (snack time, nappy change etc.) overseen by the staff but it's a very free and easy atmosphere for the children. Children's comings and goings wouldn't be particularly noted by the rest of the group, thought this was fairly standard for early years day care.

agradecida · 19/10/2020 09:35

If you only work weekends, and then this is an issue on Monday mornings, and he doesn't need to be in nursery for child care, then surely changing the days would make much more sense?

The weekend working and then straight into nursery sounds exhausting (and if they will both sleep in then even better if you don't have to get up on Monday morning).

You may live quite rurally and have limited options but it would make much more sense to speak to his current nursery about changing days to Wed/ Thurs or afternoons, see if another nursery would be more flexible, or find a child minder.

BendyLikeBeckham · 19/10/2020 09:37

Why are so many people advocating for what suits the nursery? This is childcare, not formal education and it's a toddler we are talking about. The nursery should accommodate what the parents (customers) and the children (service users) need, not their own routine, convenience, conformity.

If circle time is a specific time, then the OP can arrive just before or after that so as not to disrupt it.

And another point: a 1 hour round trip on foot twice in a day? Fuck that. This nursery isn't meeting your needs. I would change for that reason.

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 09:42

I didn't realise they were so strict on arrival time until I got the phonecall when I was running 15-20 minutes late, they said they don't want him missing circle time.

The expectation that he be there on time, every time, has compounded my stress levels as (like PP's) I assumed there would be some flexibility given his young age.

I'll hold my hands up to the fact I'm not juggling things very well at the moment and that's a 'me' issue but i have to work and I'm not able to switch my days or times with them.

The insomnia is causing me a fair amount of stress and then that stress is compounded by the nursery insisting that I have him in on time, so it's all a bit overwhelming and my MH isn't fantastic.

I'm going to ask them if he can do afternoons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 09:44

I also couldn't find his little book today, the one we exchange notes in, so I've had to send him without it but that's another thing they'll see as me being disorganised. Lovely Sad

OP posts:
Phrowzunn · 19/10/2020 09:51

It will be because you are using exclusively funded hours at a private nursery - if the nursery are claiming funding for 15 hours then he has to be there using at least those 15 hours or they can get in trouble. It wouldn’t be a problem if for example he was in 3 or 4 days and you were paying for extra hours on top of the funded ones, so they could just take the 15 off the total if that makes sense? Some (private) nurseries are more strict about this than others, presumably because some have been caught out before! This is one of the reasons we chose a school nursery because they don’t have this problem given that they aren’t claiming funded hours as such, they just are funded. Hope that makes sense.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2020 09:52

I think it is perfectly fine for children to come late to a nursery. It not required for them to be there.

He's only 2 and so for him the start time can be later than the others.

I think your life sounds very tiring so I think you are completely fine to not want to rush to take him to nursery.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/10/2020 09:53

"I also couldn't find his little book today, the one we exchange notes in, so I've had to send him without it but that's another thing they'll see as me being disorganised. Lovely"

It doesn't matter if they think you are disorganised. The nursery is a service provider (the nurseries our kids went to became really important parts of our lives and even now kids in teens we are still in touch, so I am not undervaluing them). Do you worry if your hairdresser thinks you are disorganised, or your people on the desk at the swimming pool? They need to lighten up. Little books and circle time don't actually matter. Honest.

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2020 09:54

Iminaglasscaseofemotion "Considering its a private nursery, they are there for childcare and shouldn't get to dictate a start time to parents"

I completely agree with this.

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 10:03

That makes sense about them needing to make sure he's using the 15 hours they're funded for.

I appreciate all of your takes on it even those who think IBU.

I do agree that they need to lighten up a bit. They seem pushy at times.

For example I've referred for DS to have speech therapy and every other time I drop him at the nursery they badger me about whether I've heard back (the waiting list is 6-8 months) and when I explain that to them I'm then told to chase it up and email them saying I need to be seen sooner when it's already out of my control. The following week I'm badgered again. Have I done this and have I done that.

The reason for sending him in the first place was so he can have fun with other children and give me a bit of a break but it's becoming stressful.

I've no doubt they mean well and it's not their fault I'm overwhelmed, it's just additional stress.

OP posts:
Asterion · 19/10/2020 10:04

Can you not change the days, to a Tues and Weds for instance? Monday is obviously the problem here.

movingonup20 · 19/10/2020 10:07

You chose this timetable so either attend as booked or change his sessions. Nurseries aren't a free for all, they have timetable structures with different activities and it's disruptive kids arriving randomly

JamminDoughnuts · 19/10/2020 10:10

did you say two kids?
is it two at nursery or one at school? or one at home?

mynameiscalypso · 19/10/2020 10:11

It does sound like they're being a bit OTT but our nursery also doesn't accept children after a certain time in the morning - it's mainly because they tend to do an outing every morning and, if they have to wait for children who are late, they wouldn't be able to go out because they'd end up having to leave someone behind thus messing up their ratios. They're having to be more strict because of CV too - they have bubbles which don't mix so you couldn't, for example, leave a child with the admin staff if you're late and the different age groups have different slots of drop off and pick up to reduce congestion.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 19/10/2020 10:11

@movingonup20 - nonsense. they are caring 2 year olds, not known for adherence to timetable. the nursery is the party who need to be flexible

JamminDoughnuts · 19/10/2020 10:13

i think they need to specify a certain time, rather than a free for all

Original poster
Crunchycadbury · 19/10/2020 10:14

I have one at nursery and a baby at home with me.

The nursery aren't doing outings so that isn't an issue at the moment, but they do like the children to be present for circle time which is the first activity of the day.

OP posts:
JamminDoughnuts · 19/10/2020 10:16

just explain your predicament op.
ask for a mutually convenient time, later in the day.

CupidStunt2020 · 19/10/2020 10:20

It's a service, which you pay for. They aren't a school, its not their business to be calling you if you are ten mins late.

My dd is booked in to nursery for full days. I bring her in when suits me, and pick her up when it suits me (and her). It doesn't matter if she misses circle time or whatever other daft thing it is.

TheExecutionOfAllThings · 19/10/2020 10:21

I am really surprised by this. I can take DS3 in any time, but have just been asked to avoid mealtimes. So typically I drop him off anytime between opening (7:30) and breakfast (8:30). Or if I want to have breakfast at home with him, I’ll drop him off at 9:30 instead.

I suggest looking for a better nursery that will suit your needs. The journey sounds long and exhausting and lack of flexibility for you isn’t helping.

JamminDoughnuts · 19/10/2020 10:24

would changing the monday be an idea op?

babygroups · 19/10/2020 10:28

Neither of the nurseries I use have bothered about pick up or drop off time.

I wonder if the issue is the funded hours for 2yo's? Maybe they're pushed to make sure they attend during those hours as they are only given a small amount of 2yo's?

Possibly if they knew in advance that he wouldn't arrive until 10 it would make their planning easier and they wouldn't mind?

I agree with trying to change his days though if you can or see if they'll give you afternoon slots instead?