To be purposefully late?

[Crunchycadbury]

I work weekend evenings and by the time I travel home, shower, eat and go to bed it's gone past midnight. I also have bouts of insomnia where I'm unable to sleep until gone 2-3am meaning sometimes I only have 5 or less hours sleep.

My child is in nursery two days per week, Monday and Tuesday. He starts at 9 and finishes at 4.30. In order to get him there on time I have to get up at 7am to get myself and the two kids ready. Breakfast. 30 minute walk both ways.

Given that nursery isn't compulsory I'm starting to resent the rushing and lack of sleep which is causing me to feel burnt out.

It doesn't help that they are 'fussy' and don't like lateness as they want the children to participate in circle time.

AIBU to put my foot down and say he's starting later and that's that?

YABU. Those are the hours and you either need to be there for them or take him out.

It’s not a case of them being flexible, it’s a case of getting him there on time. Your personal circumstances are not their problem.

Changing to afternoons or switching the Monday are good ideas. I'll have a think about it today and decide which works better then put it to the nursery.

The nursery is 1.8 miles away and I don't drive so it's quite alot of walking as I don't drive. I viewed a couple and this was the best fit so I was happy to walk further as I was impressed by the setting and staff.

It's only a PITA because of the insomnia and me working late weekends.

I really need to learn to drive as it would make life so much easier. That is the goal within the next 12 months.

I totally get your struggle, although I used to work in a nursery with the 2 year olds. It was a private nursery that offered 3 morning slots and 1 afternoon. It was extremely disruptive when children arrived late because: as a nursery we have a duty to report lateness which could resolve in a safeguarding issue.

And staff have to take time out to find out here your child is / if they're alright. Taking away time from the other children.

Some children are disrupted easily especially children with SEN. Having a child come in during an activity can disrupt their energy, thus disrupting the class

The governing body OFSTED will want to know why the child is arriving late? What is happening at home etc. This is because of child protection and safeguarding. You know your child is safe the nursery and OFSTED don't, even if you tell them, if they accepted everyones reason they could face huge problems if one child is facing neglect or other forms of abuse and they miss it.

Also, if hes missing part of circle time he could be missing out on something specific I.e one of his areas of the EYFS that he needs to meet. It wont look great on reports for school if he's always late and school can get that info. They will not tolerate lateness.

Pick a different time or a different nursery that has more options for mornings.

Put him in another setting. At my nursery you pay for the day, 8am - 6pm, and you drop off and collect any time within that. Would hate the lack if flexibility at yours!

Strict 9am start at nursery? This is bullshit and not supportive to families.

Is there another nursery or childminder nearby he could go to instead?

as a nursery we have a duty to report lateness which could resolve in a safeguarding issue.

This really surprises me, and worries me too. I would be devastated if safeguarding concerns were raised and referred for something like this. I could do without that, more stress.

I can understand why, in certain cases, it would raise red flags (children who present as neglected, hungry, bruised etc)

I do feel it's out of order if it were to happen to people like myself though who have 101 things to juggle and just can't sustain a rigid timetable for a 2year old on top of working late, not getting adequate sleep etc.

I did wonder in the back of my head whether him being late would raise concerns of some sort, but do think it's massive overkill if there is no other concerns with said child.

I'm relieved some people can see my POV. I was 50/50 as to whether I was being unreasonable or not.

as a nursery we have a duty to report lateness which could resolve in a safeguarding issue

You really don't, and if you're being told you do, that's disturbing. Report it to who, for a start? And why?

as a nursery we have a duty to report lateness which could resolve in a safeguarding issue.

Yeah... no.

Both nurseries my two went to were really flexible about start times.

This is just bullshit and would make me wonder what other stuff they are overly strict about.

I'd be pulling my child out of this place.

Really sinister to throw their weight around and make you feel scared of being reported (to whom?) for being late.

That's totally out of order.

Maybe investigate other local nurserys? Many have a turn up whenever policy, mine does.

For the one you are at, if that's their rules, that's their rules. If you took him to a class or something there would be an expectation that you would come on time, and that wouldn't be compulsory either. Like if you signed him up to soccer, then just turned up halfway through the game all the time that would be a bit rude.

As a childminder I don’t mind parents arriving late or advising the day before they are going to be late for what ever reason. But they then have to drop off to me wherever i am , pre covid this could be playgroup, childminder groups etc I don’t come back for them so if not here before I leave on school run they have to come find me. It is disruptive to the other children and for the routines we have in place which is why I will not wait in for them anymore. I once had a parent over 3 hours late because she thought she could just drop off when she wanted , the other kids all missed out on playgroup and the special craft day Which I had paid for, that was happening there and her attitude was I pay you to care for MY child I will turn up when I want , she was handed notice that night on collection.

Do people really think it’s “disturbing” and “sinister” for childcare professionals to wonder where a child is if there haven’t arrived when they are due? Imagine if something much more sinister and disturbing had happened such as a domestic violence situation, a custody kidnap situation etc, and the staff had not followed up. They have a duty of care and safeguarding is at the forefront of everything they do. A phone call to the parent to check everything is ok and whether the child is coming in that day or not is pretty standard, surely?

just have a polite word with them and see what they say. You could always look at other nurseries.

I also find this really strange - we've used two nurseries and both were a 'turn up when you like, pick up when you like' system. DS's nursery's official opening hours are 7.30-6 but there are hardly any children there at either end of that so the vast majority of parents are bringing their child when suits them within that time. I assumed that was completely standard so I'd have been flummoxed by an instance that the children were 'on time', too, OP. In the school holidays, when his dad is at home, DS goes more like 10-4, during term time when it has to be around my work it's about 8.30-5.30. No one has said anything to use about either way.

I appreciate what people are saying about not causing disruption to the rest of the children, I'm just so drained.

But that does not give you the right to disrupt everyone else and cause them stress. Don't you think they deserve consideration too?

Also, have you looked into local CMs? They can be much more flexible and often CMs work with other local CMs so the kids get plenty of social interaction.

My DW went to a CM who worked with other CMs for a while, they had 9 DC all the same age, roughly, it was like a mini-nursery.

Insistence, not instance!

But that does not give you the right to disrupt everyone else and cause them stress. Don't you think they deserve consideration too?

Oh bog off. Have you just come here to stick the boot in?

Most nurseries are absolutely fine with people having different start times. It's not hard, nor stressful.

It sounds like they are operating more like a pre-school than a nursery and it is not working for you.

In my experience a childminder was much less flexible on time, but for good reason - I couldn't be even 5 minutes late because it started to risk her setting off late for the school run and they were out and about a lot so if I wanted to randomly pick up a couple of hours early that was fine but I had to message her first to find out if they'd actually be in!

Do people really think it’s “disturbing” and “sinister” for childcare professionals to wonder where a child is if there haven’t arrived when they are due?

It's disturbing if they "report" it, every time a child has missed a bus, or had a lie in, or whatever, yes.

Imagine if something much more sinister and disturbing had happened such as a domestic violence situation, a custody kidnap situation etc, and the staff had not followed up

Oh please! Yes, little Johnny was ten minutes late for circle time so the plucky nursery worker swooped in and saved the day, realising that he was being held hostage by his father!! Come off it....who do they report this lateness to, and how does it help anything? Join the dots up here, we're all agog to know

But that does not give you the right to disrupt everyone else and cause them stress. Don't you think they deserve consideration too?

If you find it stressful that kids come to nursery at different times, you have much bigger problems and shouldn't be working with children.

That's a problem in this day and age, some places are too intrusive and quick to call things safeguarding concerns (I'm not talking about you PP, more so the nursery who made that your duty to report for lateness)

I totally get that due to high profile cases of child abuse, local authorities and by extension childcare providers are told to be on the ball, but they can be overly so resulting in perfectly loving parents treading on egg shells for fear of being reported.

DS had a bruise on his head from falling over and I was worried about them second guessing my explanation. This is the reality for alot of parents nowadays (I've seen several threads on here from worried parents of children saying the same) not because I have anything to hide but because I've heard enough horror stories of perfectly good parents being reported for the smallest of things.

OH has just called and I relayed that to him and he said it's ridiculous and equates it to being arrested if you're late for work lol.

Do people really think it’s “disturbing” and “sinister” for childcare professionals to wonder where a child is if there haven’t arrived when they are due?

For school, where there is a statutory obligation for children to be there, then no, I would well expect a school to call and find out why a child isn't there.

For a nursery, where there is no statutory obligation, only rules which the nursery has decided to put in place, yes it's sinister to imply to a parent that they'll get in trouble with someone in "safeguarding" if they are late with their child.

They are only due at 9 because this particular nursery has decided to be inflexible about it.

Making parents feel they're failing "safeguarding" for not being there at 9 - AT NURSERY is totally out of order.