Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

What would you prefer people to consider your race to be?

@Pleasegodgotosleep

What would you prefer people to consider your race to be?

Mixed, as that is what I am.

Certainly grating that anyone should attempt to tell you how to feel about your own ethnicity, sure. I can see that.

I hear you op. It's terrible to be told who or what you are. I dont blame you wanting to punch them. Some people are so obsessed with colour and labels..

Yanbu to feel pissed off if you don't like it.

Perhaps people feel that you are seen as black and therefore have experiences which align with those of black people? Perhaps people do see you as different?

I would definitely tell anyone who says this that you see yourself as mixed race, not black or white. They're idiots if they argue with you!

@BubblyBarbara

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black so if you’re darker then her I can see why people might assume

Seriously? Aside from the fact that Meghan too is mixed race, she is not "quite obviously black" in my opinion.

It's not even about what op "see's" herself as. Mixed race is mixed race. Its ridiculous to even look at someone to try to guess or decide "what they are" ask if you must..but dont label somebody from what you see.

When white people ask you about being black, they want you to say that the U.K. is horribly racist but that they, themselves, are a wonderful exception

Could you not just say you are Brazilian? Don’t they accept that as your cultural heritage?

I get that too OP, one parent is White, the other is Māori and I have been automatically classed as black on official forms in the UK I'm not Black, I'm not White but don't really fit in either. It happens online too, there is Black Mumsnet which obviously isn't a fit for me and the issues facing black people are different but so are the issues facing white people.

The thing is that some mixed race people do consider themselves 'black'. I suppose people should check with you first before assuming.

I think at some point in the future people will look back shocked at how simplistic and ignorant it was to divide people into 'black' and 'white'. Much better to describe people as 'of __ heritage'.

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black
But she's not black. Shes mixed race.

I’m mixed white and black Caribbean (with some Portuguese thrown in) and I’m fairer than MM.

I refer to myself as black.

I don’t actually understand why you find it annoying.

Well I'm not black but I empathise from when the whole weistein thing happened and men at the coffee machine at work seemed to be red hot keen on asking my opinion 'as a woman'.

Then when I told them my opinion, they explained why I was wrong

My work was very predominantly male and it felt quite. Like I was being singled out and challenged and expected to tell them stuff and engage in a 'debate' about it.

Possible answer.

Oh it is interesting isn't it. I'm from (wherever UK or Brazil or other place you were born), it's hard isn't it as outsiders to know what's going on really. What do you think?

Merry I imagine because race like disability (something I know about) is sensitive and it's better to let people classify themselves and not make assumptions.

I have a feeling this thread will not go so well...

@BubblyBarbara

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black so if you’re darker then her I can see why people might assume

I used to think she was Hispanic. OP. I never understood why for example Obama was lauded for being the first black president when he is actually mixed race.

I’m mixed too but I look white to most people (though sometimes people recognise me as Asian or half Asian). I hate being referred to as white when people actually know that I’m mixed. I’m proud of my heritage and when people refer to me as white it feels like a rejection of half of my family.

Yanbu op.
A friend of mine, also black/white mixed race, British, from the UK, has been described more than once as African American when in the US. To be clear, she lives in the UK, has an English accent and is neither African or American, neither are her parents, grandparents, great grandparents or great great grandparents. Some people just wouldn't have it though.

My cousins are half English white and half black South America. They consider themselves as black.

How is anyone supposed to know unless specifically corrected as everyone sees themselves differently?

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black - really?

OP - I am mixed race but consider myself black. It wouldn't do for us all to think the same

Time heals probably because of the one drop stuff the Americans were into until really not that long ago.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-drop_rule

I feel like it's off for someone to ask how you feel about a situation "as a black person", like that's all there is to your perspective.

I also feel that "black" as a descriptor isn't useful, especially in the UK where a people of colour can have widely differing heritage and ancestry.

@BubblyBarbara

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black so if you’re darker then her I can see why people might assume

I think many people, including myself, don't see her that way at all. She looks quite white to me, perhaps with a bit of a tan.

She's also not 'black' ... she's mixed, as is the OP.

Hmm... How would you mind if people said you were white? I assumed you would be please. Your post suggests, but you deny it, that you appear to dislike the blackness part of you. I'm mixed race, half white and black. Have the same issue... I don't see the big deal.... I just reiterate "as a mixed race woman...

I always thought the idea that mixed race people are black came from the “one drop” rule/theory in the US. I tend to find black people over white people default to calling mixed people black.
As a mother of mixed children and mixed niece and nephew it would piss me off as my daughters should be equally proud of both sides of their heritage. African on their dads side, white Jewish on mine, know both histories etc.