Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

I knew someone who was, to me, as white as I am, and I'm an English rose (can we still say that?)
Anyway, one day she got offended about something and claimed it was said because she was black! That was the first I knew that there was any black in her heritage.
People don't know what to say any more for fear of upsetting someone. It seems that what you can say one minute is offensive the next

Yep same here, i think it is spill over from the US where '1 drop' makes you black. I at least look 50/50 (I'm not) so I kind of get it but my kids are about 10% black and also get this which is crazy

It's complicated. A lot of historical and social stuff.

I only know about disability and the issues I had around describing myself as disabled/ having others use that word.

A lot of sensitivities and psychological/ emotional stuff that is not really understood outside.

I think this thread is going to be grim. Good luck op!

I'm a mixed man (Jamaican and white) I agree with the OP, I'm as white as I am black, so why should my default colour be black. Am I non-white? Yes. But I am also non-black. Colour doesn't have to be binary

I'm with you on your point on Megan Markle.

Some people are obsessed with colour and labels.

I'm mixed too. I get it. White is the default therefore you are "other" because you don't look completely white.

I originally thought she was Was Hispanic too, it was only the publicity of the royal wedding that told me otherwise.
Op my kids are mislabelled all of the time too.

An additional point to all this is the tiresome obsession with people’s race. I wonder if it occurs to the well meaning engaged section of society that most BAME people just want to be seen as a person, rather than a colour. The relentless focus on racial identity and so called acknowledgement is completely overdone.

@Merryoldgoat

I’m mixed white and black Caribbean (with some Portuguese thrown in) and I’m fairer than MM.

I refer to myself as black.

I don’t actually understand why you find it annoying.

Maybe it’s because by defining her as black you are removing part of her heritage. People have different views on things. It’s her choice as to how she would like to be defined.

I remember reading an interview with Halle Berry who refers to herself as black as growing up her mother (white) told her that’s what people would see her as so she should accept it. My mixed race friend was quite upset by this as she didn’t like cutting out a vast chunk of her heritage. She is mixed race which has a very different experience than being black, she is constantly othered and feels she doesn’t ‘belong’ in either group.

As others have said. This thread is not going to go well

SST but when you're getting shit because of how are are perceived then it's useful to understand disproportionality, surely.

If everyone is seen as a person then there can be no understanding of things that happen on a wider scale because they are .

It’s a tricky one. I understand many People with a mixed heritage prefer to identify as black, but what for those who don’t?

How would you feel if someone said ‘what do you think of blah blah, as a person of colour?’

I see that term used more and more now but think it is still more a US thing? (Where POC is ok but coloured definitely isn’t).

Well yanbu and YABU. You’re obviously right - you are mixed and people shouldn’t just be seeing one side of anyone’s identity. However, I think many people who are mixed race - even to have one black grandparent and three white - consider themselves black, so you can see why they make that call.

Black men in the UK are disproportionately likely to die in interactions with the met.

Is that with knowing or not?

Saying well it's just people just erases institutional issues with various groups.

"Maybe it’s because by defining her as black you are removing part of her heritage. People have different views on things. It’s her choice as to how she would like to be defined".

This, I understand. But to be honest, some mixed women, who I know of, think black people carry negative connotations (which is true in the media) and do not wish to be identified with any part of that. I used to have a friend (mixed, Irish and carribean) who will be delighted if people said she looked Spanish, Turkish, Greek.

I also have another friend who would do anything to take away her "blackness". She dyes her hair blonde, uses bleaching creams and wears blue eye contacts.

@KylieKoKo

I'm mixed too. I get it. White is the default therefore you are "other" because you don't look completely white.

That's a really good point that I hadn't considered before.

It's one thing of the person themselves prioritises the 50% of them that's black, but quite another for a white person to decide that it's the black half that defines someone, and not the white half.

In the OPs case it's about random people at work coming up to her in the wake of BLM and demanding her opinion. Likely, they don't want to hear, they want to argue.

It's a shit position to be in regardless of how you feel about your race.

If op considered herself black it's still shit for white people to come up and demand a conversation on a tricky topic. Which they will likely get defensive and argumentative about.

Sorry not at work. A friend.

Same applies.

YANBU. British people in particular are mostly incapable of seeing two heritages in the same person, because it doesn't fit a nice neat box to categorise them for correct treatment as per an ingrained mentality and inner checks of making sure the prejudiced mindset is not admitted out loud. The "other" will always be emphasised, I.e. the 'black' side, or another foreign nationality. It's maddening, it really is! You can be emotionally in tune to both sides of culture, and equally proud of both heritages, and it also doesn't mean that one "half" is lesser of an influence on that person's true identity compared to someone who believes (the fallacy) that they are 100% English.

If you refer to yourself as black and that is what matches your heritage, fair enough. The problem is that I do not identify as black, and this identity is being forced upon me in conversation, even by people who know I am mixed race. Nobody is ever going to call me white, despite that being a little over 50% of my heritage.

As I said, if my name was Alexandra, but people wanted to call me Alex for ease, and I didn't want that, they would shrug and go "we'll call you Alex anyway."

I don't have a problem with someone being confused or calling me black out of context, but I get people who know me doing it, even if I've told them previously that I am mixed race.

@Pikachubaby because I am not Brazilian. My mum is white British and I grew up in England; my only connection to Brazil is the fact that my father happens to have been born there. I have never even visited myself.

@BubblyBarbara

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black so if you’re darker then her I can see why people might assume

Why was it obvious?

The first time I became aware of megan markle was as the bride to be of prince harry, didn't pay much attention of her until half way through the wedding service - the first part thinking "oh, wow, nice that church/royally more culturally diverse these days" and second part clocking Megan's mum realising "oh, megan must be black or mixed race etc? That explains why things seem more colourful for once ". I had just thought she was a white woman. Oops.

@BubblyBarbara

I thought Meghan was quite obviously black so if you’re darker then her I can see why people might assume

Meghan isn’t black, she’s mixed race 🤦‍♀️ Therein lies the problem.

YANBU OP